Sufferer Needing to be seen/heard while continuing to heal.

Hello All,

I am grateful for this place and sending you all love tonight. I’ve had CPTSD for over 30 years and didn’t know it until a few years ago. I did, however, know I had PTSD and assumed it started later than it actually did.

My “big T” was when I was 11 (I’m 39 now) and witnessed my childhood best friend’s death. It was accidental, I was the only other person with her, and I froze in response. A lot of my guilt is around not helping her at the time, even though I intellectually know I was a kid.

I’m still learning what exactly it did to me, in addition to having parents with their own unresolved stuff. It was also a wake up call when I hit 30 and realized just how angry I was at them, as well as perceiving their handling of my emotions as “weak”.

Luckily, I was able to start healing around that time and have been very grateful for the support I’ve received. I also very much found a “chosen family” in others who experienced trauma as well as being advocates.

At the same time, there is a continued sense of frustration. I have been able to connect with people who have experienced various types of trauma as we tend to have similar responses, and I never felt like I could truly relate or vice versa given my unique circumstances.

I feel like someone reading this might understand and again, this is to be seen/heard only as I’m pretty much at the tip of the iceberg still with healing. I’m also still rather defensive and feel like I’m being spoken down to when folks try to offer support, so want to say that too in transparency.
 
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grief

Sponsor
welcome to the forum. you will defenetely find people here who can relate with you for certain. we have folks from all walks of life with all different type of trauma and responses. 👋 deconstructing all the ways of which all of your responses had spanned from one or two events to spider web into the continuum of your life is a lot of "stuff" to start getting through. glad you are here.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I really relate to your history. To this very day, after 40 years of healing work, not being 'heard' is still a major trigger for me. I handle it much better now, but there are still times, if my life has been chaotic and life is too busy, not being heard sends me into all kinds of old feelings.

I regroup faster, but it still has the same core effect on me. Glad you are here.
 
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