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Negative nonverbals as a trigger: seeking solutions

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HealingMama

MyPTSD Pro
It doesn't matter how much my logical mind understands that someone's face or posture or tone of voice is probably not about me. It's still deeply triggering. This is a persistent trigger that leaves me feeling very dysregulated.

The only thing that restores stability is for the person to independently show positive emotion to me, even if I ask for it it doesn't fix the problem because my mind says they don't mean it, if they meant it then they would do it proactively.. All the cognitive reframing in the world doesn't fix it. Believe me I have tried. I don't like other people having this much power over my experience.

Anyone else here sensitive to negative nonverbal communication? Have you found a solution?
 
Due to my new manager work ethics behaviours, even strangely some expression oh hers got me on my toes for while and lucky for me this was probably the best timing to have this experience. I cannt say this like your story but since my particular experience I came to realize as long as you are focused on 'others' you are not only dysregulated but also disconnected from your core self. This my opinion. I felt like I did not exist without that person's influence. If I tried to stop thinking about the person or my manager I disappeared figuratively speaking and that disappearece was my biggest fear. It felt like death so to avoid I had to focus on the person and their impact on me to stay alive. I decided to risk death and hold on to the feeling of what would happened if I turn the mirror... And boom I broke down and saw that person was my mother all along. She was sitting on my identity that never got up. As a child I was always her reflection. Is she angry? Annoyed? Happy?... I never learned my feelings from my side... Just lived all my life on reaction to her and others who reminded her.
If it helps, try to name every feeling you have about the person, I write a lot. And every time u get a feeling that resonates say I own this ferling, I am alone with it. The person is not here to do it or give it. It is my image my creation mine and I probably felt this whenever you were traumatized. And then take care of you then. All of sudden you may realize you are not thinking the other anymore. All feelings are yours, you did not learn this so the body does not know what to do except default what you did when...
This is my take hope it helps you.
 
Viewing media attentively helps me. Slow, safe, uncomfortable exposure to intense emotions on the screen. Cautious desensitization to stimuli.
 
It sounds like this is playing into a core belief you have about yourself (for example: I’m unloveable).

Are you aware of any deeper core beliefs that might be in play here? Working on that is probably harder and slower, but may be a potential answer.
Yes you're correct. There's still a lot to do but I'm feeling better after working this angle. Thank you.
 
I have a similar problem. Right now my roommates are having a heated discussion and I feel like the negativity is about me. I seriously doubt that it is, but I don't get it emotionally. I am so empathic and am being triggered so I think to myself, "I feel bad so they must be talking about me." One of my core beliefs is that "anger leads to violence" and I also think that "I am in danger". Once I correct these mistaken notions I feel better..not perfect but better. Hope this helps you with the nonverbal stuff as well. I think core beliefs are being triggered as @Sideways says. (good insight). Happy you are feeling better.
 
Yes, tone of voice is a big trigger at my job (a call center).

My therapist gave me something to say to myself that helps. "Is it me? Is it them? It's them!" It helps to reframe it at the time. It doesn't always help but it helps sometimes and helps some, but not fully.

It helps when someone is acting like an asshole to me too. Which is why he advised it to begin with but found it helps with this tone thing too.
 
I was approached by Christian fundamentalist cousin who believe in demonic possession. Not everyone who has epilepsy is demonic (I think nonbelievers are was the way it shaped up. Yep-spotted me for one because I have epilepsy and I prefer the word "energy" to Bible to explain my existence.

I didn't recognize how sensitive I was to body language, until I said at the family table, "Yes, some people believe that energy comes from the earth and that walking barefoot can be healthy." In that moment, the father looks at his 18 y/o daughter and they both quickly get up from the table and walk into the kitchen, folds his arms, and he glares at his wife until she succumbs and gets up and walks over to the kitchen and stands by him. I've been irked for some time...this is supposed to be my family.....and these folks believe in demonic possession as well, and believe energy believers are going to hell/and may also be possessed. I wrestled with this because it is mindcontrol behavior, and it sets me off....so does the demon shxt....Yeah, body language in the form of mind control, like this is a real trigger.

@lostforgottensoul -the "Is it me? Is it them? It's them is very simple, clear cut, and easy. Thanks
 
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