Oh, my god was that tough. I had two, survival guilt and control. My AA sponsor nailed me with a technique I often use now. What would your brother want? Would he want you to suffer like this? I let go of survival guilt, that I went on living and it wan't fair because he died. The control was blaming myself for his death and held on to the idea I should have done something. This was because he died in an accident. I didn't want to live in a world were the person I loved the most could just suddenly die, so I took control and said I did it. It is really acceptance and believing no matter what happens I will be okay. I have a bigger understanding of death. That every living thing dies, that people die in the simplest ways. That babies are born and old people die, and humanity is sliding window on time. No one is spared. I know my cat will die, they only live 14yrs or so. Can I love her fully knowing this? I used to have this big problem too, where the kid in me heard my brother was "lost". I went looking for him. It is the saddest thing. Seeing something on map, getting my motorcycle and going on a trip. getting there and enjoyed the scene and suddenly bursting into tears and grieving because he wan't there. I saw that movie "What do we know?" about the spiritually of quantum mechanics. Tears are rolling down my cheeks and I can't stop them, then I am furious, then I am crying again. The kid inside of me thought, this is strange and mysterious world, maybe he is there. I learned he is not lost, he is dead, and death is final.