Nevermind

So fear of vulnerability is inherently dissociative if it keeps you from doing something?
I apologize if there was any confusion. Fear of vulnerability in itself is not inherently dissociative. It is a natural human response that can arise from various experiences, including trauma. Dissociation, on the other hand, refers to a defense mechanism where there is a disconnection or detachment from one's thoughts, feelings, or surroundings.

In the context of dissociation, fear of vulnerability can sometimes contribute to dissociative experiences. For example, if the fear of vulnerability is so intense that it leads to a disconnection from emotions or a detachment from the present moment, it may be considered a dissociative response. However, it's important to remember that dissociation is a complex phenomenon that can manifest differently for each individual.

It would be helpful to discuss these experiences and concerns with your therapist, as they can provide personalized guidance and support. They can help you explore the underlying factors contributing to these patterns and assist you in developing coping strategies that align with your specific needs.

If you have any further questions or if there's anything else you'd like to discuss, please feel free to share.

I know how they affect me, but I’m not sure learning from one’s past and therefore not sharing personal information easily is a bad thing.
You're absolutely right. Learning from past experiences and being thoughtful about sharing personal information can be positive and healthy, especially if it helps you protect yourself and maintain boundaries. It's important to find a balance between self-disclosure and self-protection.

While being cautious about sharing personal information is understandable, it's also essential to consider whether this cautiousness may stem from unresolved trauma or fear of vulnerability. If these factors are inhibiting your ability to connect with others or impacting your well-being, it may be beneficial to explore them further with your therapist.

Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to navigate these complexities, gain insight into your patterns of communication, and identify any potential areas for growth. Your therapist can help you determine whether your cautiousness is serving you well or if there are opportunities for adjustment that can enhance your relationships and overall well-being.

If you have any additional thoughts or questions, please don't hesitate to share them.
 
Dissociation, on the other hand, refers to a defense mechanism where there is a disconnection or detachment from one's thoughts, feelings, or surroundings.
But I’m well aware of my thoughts, my feelings, I’m never aware of and I’m certain I don’t walk around in a dissociative state, if anything I’d say I’m more acutely aware of my surroundings. Hypervigilance from PTSD. I can hear every sound and see if my therapist moves even a bit, I’m also aware of time passing on a clock. Sometimes waiting for time to pass because it’s easier than answering a question.
However, it's important to remember that dissociation is a complex phenomenon that can manifest differently for each individual.
If it is individual than shouldn’t I be aware of it? I mean there are times when I think I’ll just stare at this spot on the wall until the session is over and I could absolutely see that as being dissociative or when I get to work and have no idea what happened once I got in the car, but I arrived at work in one piece.
 
But I’m well aware of my thoughts, my feelings, I’m never aware of and I’m certain I don’t walk around in a dissociative state, if anything I’d say I’m more acutely aware of my surroundings. Hypervigilance from PTSD. I can hear every sound and see if my therapist moves even a bit, I’m also aware of time passing on a clock. Sometimes waiting for time to pass because it’s easier than answering a question.
I apologize if my previous responses led to any confusion. It sounds like you have a high level of awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings, and that you experience hypervigilance as a symptom of your PTSD. Hypervigilance can indeed make someone highly attuned to their surroundings, as you described being able to hear every sound and notice even slight movements.

The difficulty in answering questions may be related to the challenges that come with PTSD, such as processing emotions or finding the right words to express oneself. It doesn't necessarily indicate dissociation, but rather reflects the impact that trauma can have on cognitive and emotional processes.

Managing hypervigilance and working through the challenges of communication can be complex and might benefit from therapy. Your therapist can provide guidance specific to your situation, such as developing strategies for managing hypervigilance and improving communication with less stress. Sharing your experiences and concerns openly with your therapist will allow you to work together to find the most effective ways to address these challenges.

If you have any further questions or would like to discuss any other aspects, please let me know.

If it is individual than shouldn’t I be aware of it? I mean there are times when I think I’ll just stare at this spot on the wall until the session is over and I could absolutely see that as being dissociative or when I get to work and have no idea what happened once I got in the car, but I arrived at work in one piece.
You're absolutely right -- dissociation can manifest differently for each individual, and it's not always easy to recognize when it occurs. It's possible for someone to experience dissociation without being fully aware of it in the moment.

In the examples you provided, such as staring at a spot on the wall during a session or having no memory of the journey to work, these experiences can indeed be indicative of dissociation. This dissociation may serve as a way to cope with distressing emotions or memories, to manage overwhelming situations, or to create a sense of detachment from the present moment.

It's important to note that even if someone is not consciously aware of their dissociation, it can still impact their functioning and overall well-being. If you suspect that you may be experiencing dissociative symptoms, it could be valuable to explore these experiences further with your therapist. They can help provide a comprehensive assessment and offer guidance specific to your situation.

If you have any further questions or want to discuss any other aspects, please feel free to let me know.
 
My trauma is CSA which means talking about some sensitive information. Information I don’t find easy to say and I don’t mean the details I mean the words dealing with sex in general. Some of this is the discomfort associated with it because of CSA and some of it is I live in a very religious area where it just isn’t talked about. So does struggling with those words indicate dissociation?
 
My trauma is CSA which means talking about some sensitive information. Information I don’t find easy to say and I don’t mean the details I mean the words dealing with sex in general. Some of this is the discomfort associated with it because of CSA and some of it is I live in a very religious area where it just isn’t talked about. So does struggling with those words indicate dissociation?
I understand that discussing sensitive topics, especially related to CSA (Child Sexual Abuse), can be extremely challenging and uncomfortable, particularly due to the associated trauma and the cultural context you described. It is important to acknowledge that difficulty with discussing certain words or topics does not necessarily indicate dissociation in itself.

Struggling with certain words or feeling uncomfortable discussing sex can be related to a variety of factors, including the impact of the trauma, cultural or religious beliefs, or personal boundaries. It is normal to experience discomfort when discussing sensitive topics, especially if they are connected to traumatic experiences.

However, if you find that the discomfort significantly interferes with your ability to communicate or express yourself in therapy or in daily life, it may be helpful to explore this further with your therapist. They can provide support in navigating these challenges and help you develop strategies to feel more at ease when discussing sensitive topics.

It is crucial to prioritize your well-being and comfort when engaging in therapeutic discussions. Your therapist can work with you to create a safe and supportive environment to address your needs and help you process the impact of CSA on your life.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to share.
 
My normal life requires almost zero of those words ditto my social life.

Therapy would be easier if I could say them, I cannot, I struggle to even write them.
 
My normal life requires almost zero of those words ditto my social life.

Therapy would be easier if I could say them, I cannot, I struggle to even write them.
I understand that the discomfort and difficulty in using certain words or discussing sensitive topics can present challenges in therapy. It can be particularly challenging when those words or topics are directly related to your traumatic experiences. This may be influenced by cultural, personal, and religious factors, as well as the impact of the trauma itself.

In therapy, it's crucial to establish a safe and supportive environment where you feel comfortable and able to express yourself in a way that feels right for you. Your therapist can help create a space where you can explore these topics at a pace that feels manageable for you.

If using specific words or discussing these topics directly feels too overwhelming or triggering for you, there are alternative approaches that your therapist can use. For example, you can explore related emotions, sensations, or experiences without necessarily using explicit language. The focus can be on your feelings, thoughts, and experiences rather than emphasizing explicit details.

If you feel comfortable, it may be helpful to discuss your struggle with using those words directly with your therapist. They can work collaboratively with you to find alternative ways to discuss the sensitive topics and adapt the therapy process to meet your needs.

Remember, therapy is a personal journey, and it is important to honor your own comfort and boundaries throughout the process. If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to share.
 
In therapy, it's crucial to establish a safe and supportive environment where you feel comfortable and able to express yourself in a way that feels right for you.
It feels right to avoid them.

However I’m concerned my avoidance of these words and the time it takes me to attempt to work around it or choose just not to talk about it has the dissociative label being placed on me.
 
It feels right to avoid them.

However I’m concerned my avoidance of these words and the time it takes me to attempt to work around it or choose just not to talk about it has the dissociative label being placed on me.
I understand your concern about potentially being labeled as dissociative due to your avoidance of certain words. It's important to clarify that dissociation is a complex phenomenon that involves a disruption in one's thoughts, feelings, or experiences. Avoidance of certain words or topics does not necessarily indicate dissociation on its own.

Avoidance can be a coping mechanism that individuals use to navigate difficult or distressing situations. It can be especially prevalent when discussing sensitive topics such as trauma. Avoidance can serve as a protective mechanism for managing overwhelming emotions or memories. While it may be a coping strategy, it is essential to evaluate the impact it has on your well-being and the effectiveness of addressing the underlying issues.

It may be beneficial to discuss your concerns with your therapist, explaining the reasons for your avoidance and your discomfort in using certain words. Together, you can explore alternative strategies or approaches that feel more manageable for you while still allowing for meaningful discussions about your experiences.

Remember, therapy is a collaborative process, and it should be tailored to your unique needs and comfort level. If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to share.
 
While it may be a coping strategy, it is essential to evaluate the impact it has on your well-being and the effectiveness of addressing the underlying issues.
I realize it makes it harder and yet it feels like it would make it 10 times harder to attempt to use them. Plus I don’t see a huge benefit. They’re not part of my everyday life and therapy is to fix a problem, if we can effectively communicate the problem albeit in a more roundabout fashion, what’s the up side of not avoiding it?
 
I realize it makes it harder and yet it feels like it would make it 10 times harder to attempt to use them. Plus I don’t see a huge benefit. They’re not part of my everyday life and therapy is to fix a problem, if we can effectively communicate the problem albeit in a more roundabout fashion, what’s the up side of not avoiding it?
I understand that attempting to use those words feels incredibly challenging for you, and you have concerns about the potential benefits of not avoiding them. It's important to remember that therapy is a highly personal journey, and it should be tailored to your unique needs and comfort level.

Avoiding explicit words or concepts does not mean that you cannot effectively communicate the problems you are facing in therapy. Therapy is about understanding and addressing the underlying emotional distress, thoughts, and patterns related to your trauma. It is not solely reliant on explicit language. Your therapist can work with you to find alternative ways to express and explore your experiences.

However, it can be helpful to consider some potential benefits of gradually working towards using explicit language when discussing sensitive topics. Over time, it can allow for a more direct and comprehensive exploration of your experiences, which may lead to a deeper understanding and processing of the trauma.

Moreover, it can provide an opportunity to challenge any internalized shame, guilt, or discomfort associated with the trauma and the use of certain words. In some cases, it can help to reclaim personal agency and empowerment in discussing these topics.

That being said, it is crucial to prioritize your well-being and comfort throughout the therapeutic process. Your therapist should respect your boundaries and work with you at a pace that feels manageable. If avoiding those words feels like the best option for you at this time, you can continue to explore and process your trauma using alternative methods of communication.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to work on using explicit language rests with you and should align with your personal goals and comfort level. If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to share.
 
However, it can be helpful to consider some potential benefits of gradually working towards using explicit language when discussing sensitive topics. Over time, it can allow for a more direct and comprehensive exploration of your experiences, which may lead to a deeper understanding and processing of the trauma.
Today I used pants and clenched my legs together and I thought I’d die or embarrassment. I later wanted to say that pulling my pants off reminded me of when a parent would tell me to drop em (pants) for a beating. No dice, I was over my quota for embarrassment. I get that these are not inherently sexual terms but the visual in my head is accompanied by images that are and while I know my therapist cannot see them I can.
 
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