Nevermind

[Dr. Catalyst]

Today I used pants and clenched my legs together and I thought I’d die or embarrassment. I later wanted to say that pulling my pants off reminded me of when a parent would tell me to drop em (pants) for a beating. No dice, I was over my quota for embarrassment. I get that these are not inherently sexual terms but the visual in my head is accompanied by images that are and while I know my therapist cannot see them I can.

I'm sorry to hear that you experienced such overwhelming embarrassment. It can be difficult to discuss sensitive topics and memories, especially when they are related to traumatic experiences. The mind has a way of creating associations and linking certain visuals or words to specific emotions and memories.

It's important to remember that therapy is a safe space where you can explore and process these experiences without judgment or shame. Your therapist is there to support you and help you navigate through these difficult emotions and memories. They can work with you to find alternative ways to express and discuss your experiences that feel more comfortable for you.

If visual images or associations become overwhelming during therapy, it can be helpful to discuss this with your therapist. They may use different therapeutic techniques to help you manage and process these visualizations, such as grounding exercises or trauma-focused interventions.

Remember that healing from trauma is a gradual and non-linear process, and it's essential to prioritize your well-being and comfort throughout therapy. Your therapist is there to support you, and together, you can find strategies that work best for you to explore and process your experiences.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to share.

 

[Charbella]

therapy is a safe space

See I just don’t see it that way. It’s safer to discuss things in therapy than I would anywhere else but there is not such thing as a safe space because the space and person I’m sharing with aren’t the problem my own head is.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

See I just don’t see it that way. It’s safer to discuss things in therapy than I would anywhere else but there is not such thing as a safe space because the space and person I’m sharing with aren’t the problem my own head is.

I understand your perspective that the concept of a "safe space" may not fully capture the challenges you experience with your own thoughts and emotions. It's important to recognize that therapy is meant to be a supportive environment where you can explore and process your experiences with a trained professional who can help guide you through the healing process.

While therapy cannot completely eliminate the distressing thoughts and emotions you may experience, it can provide you with tools and coping strategies to better manage them. Therapy offers a space where you can openly express yourself, explore your thoughts and feelings, and work towards understanding and healing.

It's also important to remember that therapy is a collaborative process, and you have an active role in your healing journey. Your therapist can offer guidance and support, but ultimately, it is up to you to implement the strategies and techniques discussed in therapy into your day-to-day life.

If you feel that your own thoughts and emotions are hindering your progress in therapy, it may be helpful to discuss this with your therapist. They can work with you to develop personalized strategies to address these challenges and help you find ways to navigate through them.

Remember, healing from trauma takes time and patience. If at any point you need additional support, don't hesitate to reach out.

 

[Charbella]

I’d like you to take everything we’ve talked about today and tell me more about dissociation as it relates to me.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

I’d like you to take everything we’ve talked about today and tell me more about dissociation as it relates to me.

Certainly, I can provide you with some information about dissociation as it may relate to you. Dissociation is a common response to overwhelming or traumatic experiences. It is a natural defense mechanism that allows the mind to compartmentalize or detach from the distressing aspects of an event. Dissociation can manifest in various ways, including feelings of detachment or disconnection from oneself, one's surroundings, or one's own emotions. It can also involve gaps in memory or a sense of time distortion.

Considering what you mentioned earlier about feeling embarrassed and unable to discuss certain experiences, it's possible that dissociation may be playing a role. Dissociation can make it difficult to fully access and articulate traumatic memories or emotions, which can contribute to the challenges you face in therapy.

Some individuals may experience dissociation as a way to cope with distressing emotions or memories. It's important to understand that dissociation is not a choice or a personal failing. It is a survival mechanism that develops involuntarily in response to traumatic experiences.

In therapy, your therapist can help you explore and understand the role dissociation may play in your experiences. They can work with you to develop grounding techniques and coping strategies to manage dissociative symptoms and gradually work towards integrating the dissociated aspects of your experiences.

It's important to remember that everyone's experience with dissociation is unique, and it may be helpful to have a more in-depth conversation with your therapist about your personal experiences and how dissociation impacts you specifically.

If you have any further questions or would like to discuss dissociation in more detail, please feel free to share.

 

[Charbella]

What would cause someone to develop an inner debate about everything? As in two lawyers in a courtroom and a judge. By that I mean a back and forth for any sort of decision, I swear it’s always been there but was definitely honed while in debate in high school

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

What would cause someone to develop an inner debate about everything? As in two lawyers in a courtroom and a judge. By that I mean a back and forth for any sort of decision, I swear it’s always been there but was definitely honed while in debate in high school

It sounds like you are describing an internal dialogue where you debate different perspectives or options in your mind, similar to two lawyers presenting arguments in a courtroom. This type of inner debate can be a common cognitive process for some individuals, especially if they have a background in debate or tend to be analytical in their thinking.

Developing an inner debate style of decision-making can have its benefits, as it allows you to consider multiple viewpoints and weigh different options before making a decision. However, if this process becomes excessive or overwhelming, it may lead to indecision, overthinking, or increased anxiety.

Factors that could contribute to the development of an inner debate style include:

1. **Personality traits:** Individuals who are naturally analytical, detail-oriented, or introspective may be more inclined to engage in internal debates as they process information and make decisions.

2. **Past experiences:** Your experiences in high school debate may have further honed this cognitive style, as engaging in structured debates can reinforce critical thinking skills and the ability to consider multiple perspectives.

3. **Coping mechanism:** In some cases, engaging in internal debates could be a coping mechanism to manage uncertainty or anxiety about decision-making. By weighing different options, you may feel more in control or prepared for potential outcomes.

While internal debates can be a valuable tool for decision-making, it's important to be mindful of when this process becomes overwhelming or leads to increased distress. If you find that your inner debate style is causing you distress or hindering your ability to make decisions, it may be helpful to explore this further in therapy.

Your therapist can work with you to better understand this cognitive process, identify any underlying factors contributing to it, and develop strategies to help you manage and balance your decision-making process effectively.

If you have any additional questions or would like to discuss this further, please feel free to share.

 

[Charbella]

Developing an inner debate style of decision-making can have its benefits, as it allows you to consider multiple viewpoints and weigh different options before making a decision. However, if this process becomes excessive or overwhelming, it may lead to indecision, overthinking, or increased anxiety.

100% this.

1. Definitely an in my head sort of person but I never considered myself smart so I wouldn’t have considered this to be an analytical thing. I was never given the impression as a kid that I was smart. So I find it odd it was developed then.

3. Yes

I don’t find it often leads to indecision that I don’t like more indecision that keeps me from doing something which often turns out to be the best choice.

I’d say it hinders my ability to accept information against my way of thinking.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

100% this.

1. Definitely an in my head sort of person but I never considered myself smart so I wouldn’t have considered this to be an analytical thing. I was never given the impression as a kid that I was smart. So I find it odd it was developed then.

3. Yes

I don’t find it often leads to indecision that I don’t like more indecision that keeps me from doing something which often turns out to be the best choice.

I’d say it hinders my ability to accept information against my way of thinking.

It's understandable that your experience of being an "in my head" person and engaging in internal debates might not align with your earlier perceptions of intelligence. It's important to recognize that intelligence comes in many forms and is not solely defined by academic achievements or external validation. Your ability to engage in complex internal debates and consider various perspectives is a cognitive strength that reflects analytical thinking and critical reasoning skills.

It's interesting to note that while the internal debate process doesn't necessarily lead to indecision for you, it can sometimes hinder your ability to accept information that contradicts your existing way of thinking. This resistance to considering alternative viewpoints is a common cognitive bias known as confirmation bias, where individuals tend to seek out, interpret, and remember information that confirms their preexisting beliefs or opinions.

Being aware of how your internal debate process may influence your receptiveness to new information is a valuable insight. In therapy, you can explore strategies to challenge and broaden your perspectives, enhance your openness to differing viewpoints, and navigate the discomfort that may arise when your beliefs are challenged.

Engaging in activities or exercises that expose you to diverse perspectives or encourage flexibility in thinking could also be beneficial in expanding your cognitive flexibility and enhancing your ability to integrate new information into your worldview.

If you find that this pattern of resistance to differing viewpoints continues to impact your interactions or decision-making processes, discussing it further with your therapist could provide additional insights and support in navigating these cognitive challenges.

If you have any thoughts or experiences you'd like to share about how these patterns manifest in your daily life, feel free to elaborate.

 

[Charbella]

My confirmation bias is most often aimed at seeing childhood abuse as not my fault. I recognize it’s there just have too much evidence supporting my conclusions.

 

[Dr. Catalyst]

My confirmation bias is most often aimed at seeing childhood abuse as not my fault. I recognize it’s there just have too much evidence supporting my conclusions.

It's understandable that processing childhood abuse experiences and grappling with feelings of fault or responsibility can be incredibly challenging. Confirmation bias, or the tendency to seek out information that aligns with our existing beliefs, can indeed play a significant role in how we perceive and interpret our own experiences, especially when it comes to trauma and abuse.

Acknowledging that you recognize the presence of confirmation bias in how you view childhood abuse experiences is a significant step in itself. It shows self-awareness and a willingness to explore and understand the complexity of your perceptions and beliefs surrounding the abuse.

The accumulation of evidence supporting your conclusion that the childhood abuse was not your fault speaks to the strength of your inner resolve and self-compassion. It's crucial to recognize that assigning blame or fault in cases of childhood abuse is a highly complex and nuanced process, influenced by a myriad of factors beyond individual control.

In therapy, you may find it beneficial to delve deeper into the narratives and beliefs surrounding fault and responsibility in childhood abuse. Your therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to explore these sensitive topics, challenge ingrained beliefs, and work towards fostering self-compassion and healing.

It's essential to navigate these difficult emotions and beliefs with gentleness and compassion towards yourself. Healing from childhood trauma often involves recognizing the impact of the experiences while fostering self-empowerment, self-compassion, and a sense of agency in your own narrative.

If you feel comfortable sharing more about how these beliefs intersect with your daily experiences or emotions, or if there are specific aspects you would like to explore further, please feel free to express them here. Your courage and self-awareness are powerful tools in your healing journey.

 

[Charbella]

What would be the reason my brain keeps bringing up the size of the guys genitalia with CSA? The facts he was very large.