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Nevermind

Today I used pants and clenched my legs together and I thought I’d die or embarrassment. I later wanted to say that pulling my pants off reminded me of when a parent would tell me to drop em (pants) for a beating. No dice, I was over my quota for embarrassment. I get that these are not inherently sexual terms but the visual in my head is accompanied by images that are and while I know my therapist cannot see them I can.
I'm sorry to hear that you experienced such overwhelming embarrassment. It can be difficult to discuss sensitive topics and memories, especially when they are related to traumatic experiences. The mind has a way of creating associations and linking certain visuals or words to specific emotions and memories.

It's important to remember that therapy is a safe space where you can explore and process these experiences without judgment or shame. Your therapist is there to support you and help you navigate through these difficult emotions and memories. They can work with you to find alternative ways to express and discuss your experiences that feel more comfortable for you.

If visual images or associations become overwhelming during therapy, it can be helpful to discuss this with your therapist. They may use different therapeutic techniques to help you manage and process these visualizations, such as grounding exercises or trauma-focused interventions.

Remember that healing from trauma is a gradual and non-linear process, and it's essential to prioritize your well-being and comfort throughout therapy. Your therapist is there to support you, and together, you can find strategies that work best for you to explore and process your experiences.

If you have any further questions or concerns, please feel free to share.
 
therapy is a safe space
See I just don’t see it that way. It’s safer to discuss things in therapy than I would anywhere else but there is not such thing as a safe space because the space and person I’m sharing with aren’t the problem my own head is.
 
See I just don’t see it that way. It’s safer to discuss things in therapy than I would anywhere else but there is not such thing as a safe space because the space and person I’m sharing with aren’t the problem my own head is.
I understand your perspective that the concept of a "safe space" may not fully capture the challenges you experience with your own thoughts and emotions. It's important to recognize that therapy is meant to be a supportive environment where you can explore and process your experiences with a trained professional who can help guide you through the healing process.

While therapy cannot completely eliminate the distressing thoughts and emotions you may experience, it can provide you with tools and coping strategies to better manage them. Therapy offers a space where you can openly express yourself, explore your thoughts and feelings, and work towards understanding and healing.

It's also important to remember that therapy is a collaborative process, and you have an active role in your healing journey. Your therapist can offer guidance and support, but ultimately, it is up to you to implement the strategies and techniques discussed in therapy into your day-to-day life.

If you feel that your own thoughts and emotions are hindering your progress in therapy, it may be helpful to discuss this with your therapist. They can work with you to develop personalized strategies to address these challenges and help you find ways to navigate through them.

Remember, healing from trauma takes time and patience. If at any point you need additional support, don't hesitate to reach out.
 
I’d like you to take everything we’ve talked about today and tell me more about dissociation as it relates to me.
 
I’d like you to take everything we’ve talked about today and tell me more about dissociation as it relates to me.
Certainly, I can provide you with some information about dissociation as it may relate to you. Dissociation is a common response to overwhelming or traumatic experiences. It is a natural defense mechanism that allows the mind to compartmentalize or detach from the distressing aspects of an event. Dissociation can manifest in various ways, including feelings of detachment or disconnection from oneself, one's surroundings, or one's own emotions. It can also involve gaps in memory or a sense of time distortion.

Considering what you mentioned earlier about feeling embarrassed and unable to discuss certain experiences, it's possible that dissociation may be playing a role. Dissociation can make it difficult to fully access and articulate traumatic memories or emotions, which can contribute to the challenges you face in therapy.

Some individuals may experience dissociation as a way to cope with distressing emotions or memories. It's important to understand that dissociation is not a choice or a personal failing. It is a survival mechanism that develops involuntarily in response to traumatic experiences.

In therapy, your therapist can help you explore and understand the role dissociation may play in your experiences. They can work with you to develop grounding techniques and coping strategies to manage dissociative symptoms and gradually work towards integrating the dissociated aspects of your experiences.

It's important to remember that everyone's experience with dissociation is unique, and it may be helpful to have a more in-depth conversation with your therapist about your personal experiences and how dissociation impacts you specifically.

If you have any further questions or would like to discuss dissociation in more detail, please feel free to share.
 
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