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New and Undiagnosed Injured Cop

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by mrswahl, May 11, 2007.

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  1. mrswahl

    mrswahl New Member

    Hello Everyone
    I have been reading the posts that you all have written and it has been very informative.
    Almost two years ago I was hurt while working, my accident really wasn't a traumatic event, I broke my leg, it's what has happened since. My ordeal actually been because my broken leg should have been a fairly simple fix but instead the doctors didn't find the fracture that day in the ER, and after 13 days when the MRI was done there was extensive damage done. I have had to have 2 surgeries, a year of intense physical therapy, depression, an addiction to the pain medication (went to voluntary rehab) and I ended up crippled and have to use a cane to walk.
    I was a great officer and loved my job, I put myself through the police accademy. Now I will never be an officer again.
    A few months ago I started having terrible nightmares and I absolutely can not sleep at night. My husband is also a police officer and I am terrified for him, too. I have gone from a very confident secure person to a super squeamish little girl, that cries at everything. I can't get into the shower if nobody is at home with me or I can't come home alone and walk into my own home. It's as if I am expecting someone that I have previously arrested to jump out at me or or some stranger attack me. I feel like now that I am "crippled" I can't defend my self or I can't take care of my family the way I could before my accident. I don't go anywhere or do anything, I stay at home unless I have to go the doctor or pick up my daughter. I jump every time our dog barks or I hear some strange noise, and I check the locks on the doors over and over. These things are so very out of character for me, I have always been outgoing and on the go.
    My husband has asked me questions about my behavior because he has noticed the changes in me. My children have said that I act different.
    I would appreciate any input any of you might have. I do plan to see a therapist. :dontknow:
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Being an officer you know how to hold your own even though... But the hard part about this even though we as people who have endured conflict know how to handle ourself fear still gets the best of us.

    CBT will likely be good as you learn the logical (I know this is unreasonable, I have training to protect myself and others) and the emotional side (but I am so jumpy and where did the nothing can stop me attitude go?) collide. You show it now. CBT helps sort it out and face it.

    It takes time and understanding to get most of it all back on track. I can't swear it goes all back together as mine has not yet. But it is a lot better than years ago. Do therapy and try new things. Healing takes a very open mind. And it is amazing what you welcome after enough hell. I am into all the things that once upon a time I called hippy bullshit and these people are nuts. Funny it is doing wonders at making me whole again and sleep a whole night. I eat my words often now.

    Best advice I can give is if you have not started meds for anxiety do not. You fight addiction while you learn to heal. Come here often. This forum saved my life. And I am not stretching it.
  4. mrswahl

    mrswahl New Member

    Thank you for your reply. I'm very confused. Not too much makes sense right now, but I am determined.
    I have learned quite a bit from reading the posts on this board.
  5. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    Hello mrswahl. PTSD can be a buggar, but it can be dealt with. WITHOUT drugs. A good book I like to refer people to is "Post-Trauma Stress" by Frank Parkinson. Pub. is Fisher books and the ISBN is 1-55561-058-7. A few years old, but I feel it's a really good place to start.

    I wish you the best!
  6. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    Welcome to the forum.
  7. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Mrs Wahl, and welcome to the forum. I somehow don't think its the broken leg that caused your PTSD as a police officer, and I say that because of what your mentioning about being afraid someone you arrested might be waiting for payback or the like, and more so that the broken leg is the catalyst that has possibly thrown you over the edge to now realise what you know, though may not quite believe yet, in that you are not the same person anymore, and no you cannot look after your family the "exact" same way as you used too before this incident.

    You are suffering a medical stuffup, which has catalyst your existing trauma into reality for you, being that before this you most likely where at the ready constantly when walking into your home, ready if a prior arrestee was awaiting you or a family member, now you realise you can't defend yourself as you once used too, however; your condition does not mean you cannot defend yourself overall though. Panic alarms, sprays, taser, etc, all personal protection if you believe you require them. Yes, you have to come to terms that you can no longer physically defend yourself, but not everyone can, hence why protective measures where designed in the first place.

    Some of what your mentioning is purely reality, one of which your trying to compare against your past. You are no longer that same person, and that is something you must come to terms with. This is no different from a person who loses the loss of their legs, where they will sit in denial and blame the world, or themselves, sympathy and so forth because they cannot do what they used too, but the reality is, you will never be able to again, so start working towards what you can do logically now for your capabilities, and stop comparing yourself to your past.
  8. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    Physical injury does lead to depression. Depression changes many people. Pysical injury can change people. Change is normal, though we may not be able to accept the changes themselves. Maybe they are good and maybe they are bad. How you handle them is what makes a difference, IMO.

    Being a cop has it's draw backs. You have a lot of enemies out there. Somethings just won't change. I'ts been like that for the past 150 years and will be for the next 15,000 years.

    One trick I learned that has helped me some, is I envision all my troubles sitting inside my head. I closemy eyes, take a deep breath, and as I exhale and little bit of those problems go out my nose and disappear. No, they aren't "gone", but just not inside me as much. A psychological trick my counselor told me of. And keep doing it until they are all gone.

    Just an idea.
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