notdoneyet
Learning
Well I'm really bad at staying down for too long so I brushed off the dirt and pulled myself back to my feet (for now) and decided there's some stuff I should think about (bear with me I'm horrible at keeping things short)
Looking at my past experiences I REALLY don't want to make the same mistakes all over again, so I know I have some more soul searching and healing to do, it's for my own good.
But I'm also really bad at sitting and waiting without solving anything, so I thought I might try and use the meantime to backtrack a bit and try to find ways to not fall into my old patterns when it comes to dating or new friendships.
So.
Usually I keep people at such a distance that they could talk to me for 20h straight and would still know pretty much nothing about who I really am which prevents me to actually connect with or fall for them, or if they manage to push the right buttons (ngl I'm a sucker for emotional weirdos) I fall way too hard and have a future planned out in my head after like 2 days or feel like they could become my best friend.
I am very well aware that none of that is really healthy and makes the probability to act too fast or not at all very high, but I still haven't really figured out how to have a "normal" getting to know each other phase, because those tend to bore me so damn much that I lose interest in like a week tops.
I went through a lot of abuse of pretty much every kind almost my whole life, so trust issues and letting people get close emotionally is a big problem for me, a lot of the time when I realize that someone is getting close to me I pull away as fast as I can because I get scared as hell of getting manipulated or used.
I know I already made a lot of progress when it comes to friendships/relationships, I'm more aware of my own needs and can even set boundaries (which tbh I am not always the best at holding up) and I manage to cut toxic people out a lot better than I ever thought I could, but there's still times when certain people manage to pull the right strings and I just jump without even realizing it.
So I'm asking myself is there a way to let new people in in a healthy way that doesn't feel boring and shallow and allows me to build trust while maintaining a safe level of distance (at least at the beginning) so I won't be too easy to manipulate or use?
And how do I learn to tell the difference between "real" red flags and trauma brain being trauma brain and seeing "normal" things as threatening? Because sometimes when I ignore that feeling it turns out that it was a red flag all along and not my brain overreacting.
I'd be happy to get literally any advice on this because it seems most people I know are doing just fine when it comes to getting to know people without any of those thoughts.
Looking at my past experiences I REALLY don't want to make the same mistakes all over again, so I know I have some more soul searching and healing to do, it's for my own good.
But I'm also really bad at sitting and waiting without solving anything, so I thought I might try and use the meantime to backtrack a bit and try to find ways to not fall into my old patterns when it comes to dating or new friendships.
So.
Usually I keep people at such a distance that they could talk to me for 20h straight and would still know pretty much nothing about who I really am which prevents me to actually connect with or fall for them, or if they manage to push the right buttons (ngl I'm a sucker for emotional weirdos) I fall way too hard and have a future planned out in my head after like 2 days or feel like they could become my best friend.
I am very well aware that none of that is really healthy and makes the probability to act too fast or not at all very high, but I still haven't really figured out how to have a "normal" getting to know each other phase, because those tend to bore me so damn much that I lose interest in like a week tops.
I went through a lot of abuse of pretty much every kind almost my whole life, so trust issues and letting people get close emotionally is a big problem for me, a lot of the time when I realize that someone is getting close to me I pull away as fast as I can because I get scared as hell of getting manipulated or used.
I know I already made a lot of progress when it comes to friendships/relationships, I'm more aware of my own needs and can even set boundaries (which tbh I am not always the best at holding up) and I manage to cut toxic people out a lot better than I ever thought I could, but there's still times when certain people manage to pull the right strings and I just jump without even realizing it.
So I'm asking myself is there a way to let new people in in a healthy way that doesn't feel boring and shallow and allows me to build trust while maintaining a safe level of distance (at least at the beginning) so I won't be too easy to manipulate or use?
And how do I learn to tell the difference between "real" red flags and trauma brain being trauma brain and seeing "normal" things as threatening? Because sometimes when I ignore that feeling it turns out that it was a red flag all along and not my brain overreacting.
I'd be happy to get literally any advice on this because it seems most people I know are doing just fine when it comes to getting to know people without any of those thoughts.