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Sufferer New here - childhood trauma & hypersexual

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EpicJess84

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Just wanted to say hi... Introduce myself a bit.. I'm a mother of 2 little boys and I recently turned 33. As everyone else on here I've lived through many different stages of hell since I was a kid. I think that I cope amazingly well but a lot of the time I believe that I may just be in denial about how bad things were. Or maybe I just cope really well! Haha. Anyway, I have a lot of emotional baggage and hypersexual disorder to top it off. It sucks because I'm in relationship with a man 10 years older who's labido isn't what it used to be and he expresses all the time that my demand is too much... But I'm faithful. On average I end up taking care of business myself 9 to 14 times a day. It's disruptive. It makes me late for important things. It gets in the way of grocery shopping. The looks I've gotten from other drivers is comical. I face depression a lot and keep anger and frustration about my past bottled up. I try to just accept things for what they are and move on since I can't change anything but ultimately I don't think I have ever truly moved on and I'm scared I'll feel this way to my grave. So that's why I'm here. To talk to those who can relate and possibly help! And maybe I can help some as well! It's nice to meet everyone. I hope you all are doing well. ☺️
 
Welcome... glad you found us... and thank you for sharing about why you are here.... hope you find this community as supportive and understanding as I have. I have grown a lot since being here.... hope we see you around.... this is a great place to be and to be understood...
 
Yes, my situation almost exactly except the roles are reversed. The hypersexuality I always hid but now the therapist (s) brought it out and though I'm enjoying my partner and our relationship I'm hiding from everything else. The physics of my older male body prevent me from the excess I'd prefer but I certainly understand your situation. It's awful being around other people now because I feel all exposed and vulnerable and I know I don't have any boundaries and I have to be really careful because other people can sense that. Still I enjoy feeling this way because before I was all angry and in pain all the time so it's A double edged sword like everything. Thank you for your post I am waiting for my partner, I hate waiting lol! Also the moon is full and it drives me insane. : )
 
Just wanted to say hi... Introduce myself a bit.. I'm a mother of 2 little boys and I recently turne...
Hi EpicJess,

I just read your post. I only joined this group yesterday. It sounds to me like you are coping very well and are very strong minded. While I don't have hypersexual symptoms I do have another weird and disturbing symptom which is very new. Sometimes I want my husband to have sex with me the way my assaulter did. I want him to hold my wrists (above my head though to make it different) and to do it as hard as he can. (TMI :) ) and then other times I am like a mouse and want him to be very gentle. It disturbs me that I want him to do it like the assault but I have discovered its one of the only ways I can orgasm. I am in therapy with an amazing T, after 3 others that were not good. I have PTSD and OCD. I always thought I dealt with it well and cope very well. I am very outgoing, energetic and positive normally with everyone but the past yr my PTSD could not be hidden anymore and the panic attacks were 4-5 a day. Since starting CBT and CPT with my T 6 months ago, I have seen huge changes in my thoughts and behaviors and have discovered so much about myself and see myself in a different light. Therapy has been the hardest thing I have ever done and its no easy road which I didn't foresee when I started but there is light at the end I suppose and my panic attacks and anxiety has lessened alot. I spend my time in therapy vomiting from anxiety when we discuss details, yet I want my husband now to perform on something that was so hideous and that I want to forget!!! Trauma and PTSD are bizarre in how it affects our brain and our thoughts. I suppose our brains have developed differently and we have to do what we feel keeps us sane and is too powerful to stop. I would really suggest just in my opinion if you can look into therapy with a good T. For me, I hate to think where I would be now without it. I self harm by scratching my wrist until it bleeds, I dont even know I am doing it but its when my emotion get too much for me and it keeps me grounded but my T is so supportive and is helping me train my brain and thoughts to do differently. Sorry my post is not more informative but I suppose none of us have the answers, just a listening ear and our personal stories and experiences. I wish you all the best.
 
Welcome Jess!
You came to the right place :) There are lots of caring people here along with great learning and processing possibilities.
Does your husband know of your past? Are you in any kind of therapy? Sometimes, what we might think of a disorder is actually our way of coping.
Just a thought. I am no professional.
You will find lots of support here and no judgment.
I wish you all the best on your healing journey.

Alice
 
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