• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Undiagnosed New here...hello

  • Thread starter Deleted member 46977
  • Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Deleted member 46977

I have come here after a very traumatic encounter – it was traumatic enough for me – which happened almost 2 years ago. I am diagnosed but suspect possible post traumatic disorder due to me experiencing flashbacks and having triggers.

I have a long-term illness which has not been very well managed or controlled. The job I had at the time did not help my illness either but I did not recognise this at the time. The shifts were sporadic, started early morning (about 7-8am), ended at teatime (around about 7-8pm) and required me to drive 12 miles from home – that was the combined mileage I would accrue in one day. No one would cover my shifts, meaning only I could go and do the work no one else was able to. This went on from March 2015 to July 2016.

I got in touch with a friend who recommended I work for her boss. So I was offered the chance to work for her immediately. Unfortunately the shifts were non-stop, requiring me to do the following jobs:

7:30am – 8:30am
8:30am – 9:30am
9:30am – 10:30am
10:30am – 11:30am
11:30am-12:30pm
12:30pm-1:30pm

7:30pm-8:30pm
8:30pm-9:30pm
9:30pm-10:30pm

I did not sleep very well or eat very much because I was out most of the time; my weight plummeted from 50kg to 43kg. I made a lot of errors, was not told about certain things that had happened or things that I should have done and I resigned before my boss had a chance to sack me on the spot. I was in the job 6 weeks.

On my last shift I handed back to my boss everything she provided me with – uniform, supplies etc. I thanked her for the opportunity only to be interrupted by her and I was told I am my own worst enemy and she went through every single negative thing about me that she could think of. Her negative assessment of me went on for about 2 minutes or so before she threatened – twice – to report me and then wished me luck for the future. I said thank you again only for her to slam her car door and disappear down the road.

I went back to the employer I left – I had no money and I knew that I did well despite the shifts being sporadic – and they happily took me on, only for the other boss to find out and send to them a bad reference about me, resulting in them to sack me on the spot.

So the way things stand for me at the moment are a lot better – I qualified with a vocational qualification funded by Jobseeker's Allowance (dole office) and I have been working on an agency contract in my current job for over a year – the contract was only meant to have been for 3 months. My confidence has really gone up and I have been looking better since I have been able to afford better food, better health support through supplements etc. I am the heaviest weight I have ever been, 56.9kg and it definitely shows since my husband says how much more filled out I look. I have also gained a lot of friends.

But what the second manager said still affects me. It has become a trigger in that whatever mistake I make I still feel the same negative emotions back then, 2 years ago, flood back. I am not only hurt by the things she said, but also angry and want to get her back for the way she made me feel. She said things like I didn't look the sort to have the illness I have, that I was making the illness up, that the diagnosis was wrong, and that one of the clients called me names and she readily told me the names she called me.

I just feel like I am going crazy but I guess this also makes me feel lonely and isolated and so that's why I'm here. I don't know if I will need medication or not to help me feel better as I was given fluoxetine after I was sacked due to the doctor saying because I sounded and looked low I probably had depression.

I also have built up a distrust towards new people. Not the people I have been working with as they have been really welcoming; but a new person recently joined a team we work closely with and I find her personality to clash with my much quieter one. Personality wise she is almost the same as the manager who sent the bad reference about me. This has made me reluctant to speak with her and I am the only one who hasn't said a word to her as of yet. I like to make friends and I feel like I have an emotional block to communicate with her. :cry:

Thanks for reading, sorry for long post.
 
but suspect possible post traumatic disorder due to me experiencing flashbacks and having triggers.
Flashbacks and triggers aren’t unique to PTSD. Lots of disorders have them.
Her negative assessment of me went on for about 2 minutes or so before she threatened – twice – to report me and then wished me luck for the future. I said thank you again only for her to slam her car door and disappear down the road.
//
But what the second manager said still affects me. It has become a trigger in that whatever mistake I make I still feel the same negative emotions back then, 2 years ago, flood back. I am not only hurt by the things she said, but also angry and want to get her back for the way she made me feel.

A negative assessment by your boss doesn’t rise to the level of PTSD, no matter how badly you feel about it how long after.

Sounds like you very definitely have something going on, & could benefit from therapy/treatment. But if you had PTSD is wouldn’t be from the events you described, but from something completely different. The events you’re describing and your reaction to them could very easily be tied in with another disorder, but they don’t meet criterion A for post traumatic stress disorder.

Criterion A: stressor

The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, as follows: (one required)

  1. Direct exposure.
  2. Witnessing, in person.
  3. Indirectly, by learning that a close relative or close friend was exposed to trauma. If the event involved actual or threatened death, it must have been violent or accidental.
  4. Repeated or extreme indirect exposure to aversive details of the event(s), usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, collecting body parts; professionals repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). This does not include indirect non-professional exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures.
 
Hello :)

I’m sorry all that happened. It sounds so overwhelming.

I agree with @Friday , you can’t get PTSD from this specifically. But you definitely would benefit from working through it.

Wishing you luck — and better luck in future careers
 
Flashbacks and triggers aren’t unique to PTSD. Lots of disorders have them.


A negative assessment by...

I have been through other traumas
Thanks

Hello :)

I’m sorry all that happened. It sounds so overwhelming.

I agree with @Frida...


I have been through other traumas that qualify as triggers for ptsd
Thanks
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Rape
Bullying

Are they not triggers for ptsd? I have been subjected to them too
Thanks

Flashbacks and triggers aren’t unique to PTSD. Lots of disorders have them.


A negative assessment by...

Yes I have witnessed a serious accident first hand, been raped too
Thanks
 
Last edited by a moderator:
We can't possibly know what else has happened in your life if you don't mention it.
The entirety of your introductory post is about a dressing down by your former employer. On it's own, that's not a criterion a trauma.

We cannot read your mind. If you don't say it, we can't know it.
 
We can't possibly know what else has happened in your life if you don't mention it.
The entirety...

Sorry I feel like killing my self now because of this. I just don't know what to do
 
Last edited by a moderator:
It sounds like you’re 100% in denial/aversion mode.

Don’t want to deal with the rape, so you focus on your boss being not nice to you.

Healing doesn’t work this way.

You’ve got to deal directly with the trauma and not just focus on the little things that upset you.
 
Hey, I'm sorry for what you're going through.
Is it possible this event has been a catalyst? Like, if there's stuff coming up with your bosses that makes stuff about the rape or the bullying.
It's possible that the bosses thing is first and foremost in your mind, and the worst thing that's happened to you!
That's totally cool.
Do you have access to professional help? I'm an Aussie, so there are ways to get pro help for free, just judging by your mention of payments I think you might be too.
I hate to be an (expletive) but, everyone else is right.
This forum is a PTSD forum... but that doesn't mean it hurts any less if it's not PTSD.
It's like if I break my hand. I'm gonna need different treatment if the bones are broken, or if I've cut the tendons, or if I've torn the ligaments. It doesn't mean what I'm going through is any less painful. It just means, if I treat the bones when it's a tendon issue, I'm gonna cause myself more damage, and ultimately end up with more pain and a worse result.
(I've done all three, they all hurt equally badly,,but the treatment is different.)
I'm sorry for what you've been through, and that you're feeling so bad.
Obvs you are, otherwise you wouldn't have sought out a PTSD forum.
What are you looking for, here? Can we help you access more resources?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top