I've lived through a number of traumatic experiences but the worst and most recent whwas when I was kidnapped by an organized crime group in another country and tortured a dozen ways over three days. As bad as it was, recovery has been harder. Therapists in the States aren't trained to deal with torture victims. I have severe depression, anxiety, depression and anger control problems. I have chronic pain in my legs and feet from beatings and spending 12 hour periods in stress positions. I am barely able to trust anyone. Two weeks ago I verbally lashed out at my girlfriend. The insults just poured out of my mouth. I felt like I was driving a car with no brakes. She understands my situation but feels - justifiably - uncomfortable speaking to me much less seeing me. I've become distanced from my family, too. What hurts most is the pain I've caused other people. I don't use ptsd as an excuse but mention it to them when I apologize as part of my own, enotional context. I'm here to confront this problem and find help. If I can find a way to save these relationships, that would be a huge deal.