New relationship difficulties


New Here
Hi everyone. Came here to try and find some support/advice. I’ve been dating a wonderful human being for the last year. I’ve never met someone who understood me so well and enjoys the same things I do, it was going really, really well and I was falling in love after believing that I would be alone forever.

So, we both have relationship-based PTSD from previous relationships, mine was emotional and hers physical but we both have flashbacks and annoyingly this time of year is triggering for both of us. I’ve been having serious episodes of rage, despair and dissociation and I’m really struggling to maintain our relationship when I’m trying to hold myself together for my two children who I am raising alone. I feel as though when I am having a bad day, it affects her - when I don’t text her for a while because I want to try and be present in the moment and feel grounded, she tends to also start getting down and having a bad day and I’m just getting this horrible sinking feeling that actually we’re not good for each other. I don’t want to cause her more pain, but when I’m triggered all I want to do is run and get space and peace and quiet, and all she wants to do is be super clingy and with me every second because I make her feel better - which although I understand, I’ve been a relationship “band-aid” to someone before and it’s really not the basis for a healthy relationship.

I guess I’m posting to try and get some advice - how can we work this out? Is it hopeless? Do two people suffering from extreme trauma belong together or is it simply going to cause us more pain in the long run? I also have to consider my children, who have already been through so much of their own trauma, and I don’t want them forming a relationship with a person who could end up bringing more bad than good to our lives. I just want to be happy.