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Relationship New relationship with a guy who suffers from PTSD

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mombi

New Here
Hey everyone, new member, first post.

My partner and I have been together 3 1/2 months, so fairly new. But we have known about each other for years, so not so new in that respect.

It's been a slow start, right from the word go he was hot and cold, it was confusing and I felt as if he just wasn't that into me. Then I found out he suffered from PTSD. Even with knowing that, the hot and cold and disconnection was hard to not see as rejection of some kind.

Then there were other not so normal situations in our relationship. He has previously had poly relationships whereas I am bisexual but demisexual and don't share. He told me poly isn't a thing he needed and monogamous was completely fine for him.
He has an ex in a tricky situation, so he is helping her financially. At first I was good with it, I too am friends with my ex husband. We werent living together so his financial situation doesn't impact on me and he's free to do what he likes with his money. So I basically said until we do move in together, I'm good with him being her friend and helping her.
However, she was texting him and ringing him for help when he was with me and he would just jump, he'd tell me he was busy and had to go and do things then I'd find out he was with her, helping her. Yet he wasn't introducing me to her so I stopped being good with the arrangement and started to ask questions.
Because of his anxiety, he was iffy about me being at his place and only came to my place. I kept asking and he kept telling me soon.
Then I found out she was homeless and he said 'for the most part she stays with her friend' and I immediately thought 'the most part, where does she stay the rest of the time then? Is this why I can't go to his place?'.
He would shut me out and disconnect and not talk to me for a couple of days or it would be a two word txt in the morning and that's it, because of the PTSD.
Then I confronted him with an account I didn't know he had and he immediately went 'oh yeah, that. I'll show you sometime' as if he just expected me to be good with it. Turned out, I wasn't.
He'd make plans then drop me at very last minute then disconnect and ignore me. He did it twice last weekend.
As part of his PTSD, he also has nightmares but that is just a mention rather than part of the relationship issues.
I have now met the ex and have been to his place 4times. But things are still raw, up and down and with this feeling of rejection last weekend still hanging around, I lost my shit and accused him of cheating. Turns out he wasn't and I don't feel good about it but yeah, with all these things going on and the PTSD on top of that, things got blurry. We've had some good talks over the last 24hrs and he's recognized old patterns of behavior that have initially been the cause of previous breakups. So he has committed to changing those and doing better and working hard so that we can keep our relationship going.

I love and adore him to bits and want to do my part too and need support around these feelings when he does just drop off and disconnect and cancel plans. How do I cope? How do I stop my brain from not immediately going into over drive that he is cheating? Any advice would greatly be appreciated 😊
 
Hi mombi,
sorry to say this, but what you describe in my opinion dosn't sound like the problem of PTSD but rather the problem of someone who isn't ready for a (new) relationship. PTSD or not.

Take it turtle-slow. And if you're a person who could trust your own intuition in the past don't be fooled by a diagnosis.
 
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