New to Fawn

Gatha

New Here
Until today I only knew about fight and flight. I am a total Fawner ! Now I'm struggling with the diagnosis. I'm two years sober after decades of self-medicating. Not boozing was the easy bit. Sifting through the wreckage, trying to find answers and move on is tough when the reason you started drinking in the first place is still ever present. It just seems that most of my decisions in life have been made simply to avoid shame or embarrassment. And the qualities that I liked in myself are simply coping strategies. What if I'm not kind and considerate, just frightened ? Is my sense of humour and general joviality just a means to diffuse a threat? What does that leave me with ? Yeah, it's that time of night, but hey I'm sober :)
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
there have been many times i have envied my sibs who self-medicate. it isn't much consolation that i act out my insanity stone cold sober. i have often wished i had an external substance to blame it on.

sigh. . . works in progress. . .
one day at a time. . .

for what it's worth
"the four F's" are a biology theory of the survival instinct. freeze, flight, fight or fawn.
myself, i'm a flier. i might have been a track star if i had the stability to be on a track team.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Congrats on being sober. That is a huge success.

I am also a huge fawner. And I get very angry with myself over it.

What if I'm not kind and considerate, just frightened ? Is my sense of humour and general joviality just a means to diffuse a threat? What does that leave me with ?

I can relate so much to this. I guess the way to look at it, is that you went to those personality traits. Not everyone who has trauma is kind and considerate or jovial. Some are angry, rude, defensive, remote, etc. Those responses came from who you are.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Gatha congratulations on your sobriety. I'm 19 months sober. 71 counselling sessions in, unpacking and sifting through all the personal shit about me and others. I'm starting to heal but it's challenging for sure.
 
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