Sufferer New to the forum, not new to the nightmare. Middle-aged and back in college - looking for like minds with big boots.

Kaedance

New Here
Good evening everyone.

I found this forum when I was looking feverishly for resources surrounding PTSD/CPTSD and cognitive impairment. I live in a mental-health desert in a very rural state. I've been living with this nonsense since I was a teenager and am now 51. Other traumas throughout my life added to the complexity (DV, SA) and as a medically retired police officer, I no longer have the "helper hat" that used to assist me in navigating through the PTSD waters.

Now, back in college - it takes me close to three times longer to get my writing done. My fragmentation and lack of memory is worse now than ever. And I was hoping to get my master's degree in counseling after this. Now, I wonder what the hell to do when I cannot find help for myself.

I joined in hopes of connecting with others in the same boat - or have similar experiences - and find ways together to encourage, educate and work toward better days.

Nice to "meet" you all.
 
Hi, and welcome. As a 50-year-old who is now back in school to get a master's in counseling himself, I urge you not to give up. I think you'll find postgraduate work a lot more meaningful than what you're doing now. Even if you're easily distracted and have memory issues, I feel like there are workarounds. Could you meet with a counselor at your college to discuss it?
 

Friday

Moderator
Jarhead here... One of the best tricks I know for the clusterf*ck between my ears? Go do something physical or sharpening, whenever my brain shuts off and I couldn’t think my way out of a wet paper bag. Burns off all the crisis-mode chemicals swirling in my blood to clear my head, or uses old tricks to drop kick me into clear thinking.

Physical is obvious, for sharpening I mean things like hitting the range, or driving. Snort. During my divorce? I half lived at the range. Every time I started to go crosseyed with the stupid f*cking paperwork, I’d go drill holes in paper. Because everything stilled, to that moment in time, and that’s what I needed. HR down, breathing smoothed, actions deliberate & instinctual, emotions became a still deep pool, rather than a turbulent f*cking mess / spiking off in 50 different directions / threatening to drown me. Then I’d go deal with the stupid paperwork, again, until I started to get het-up, and it was back inside for another box or two, or grabbing the stick and running around with my dog for a spell, or eating that other half sammie up on my hood while he ran around.

When I was in school, the need wasn’t that... immediate. I still took sanity-breaks, and built them into my day/week to rely on, so they happened automatically, rather than my having to monitor the hell out of my mental/emotional state to bleed stress.

Speaking of which? THIS. The ptsd cup explanation

And welcome aboard.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. Loved your intro. ' Like minds and big boots'. Thinking this guy is determined. Takes that to do this part of our journey for sure!!

We all have that 'foggy brain' and have many ways to deal with it. Hopefully, something will resonate with you and you can try it. And then pick something else or come up with your own.

Glad you are here. This forum does make things more 'doable'. The support is great and variable.

This old lady has big boots. It's why I've gotten as far as I have.

And congratulations on going back to college. So it takes you longer. You are still doing it and at the end of the day, that is what matters. Glad you found like-minded people who understand.
 

Kaedance

New Here
Jarhead here... One of the best tricks I know for the clusterf*ck between my ears? Go do something physical or sharpening, whenever my brain shuts off and I couldn’t think my way out of a wet paper bag. Burns off all the crisis-mode chemicals swirling in my blood to clear my head, or uses old tricks to drop kick me into clear thinking.

Physical is obvious, for sharpening I mean things like hitting the range, or driving. Snort. During my divorce? I half lived at the range. Every time I started to go crosseyed with the stupid f*cking paperwork, I’d go drill holes in paper. Because everything stilled, to that moment in time, and that’s what I needed. HR down, breathing smoothed, actions deliberate & instinctual, emotions became a still deep pool, rather than a turbulent f*cking mess / spiking off in 50 different directions / threatening to drown me. Then I’d go deal with the stupid paperwork, again, until I started to get het-up, and it was back inside for another box or two, or grabbing the stick and running around with my dog for a spell, or eating that other half sammie up on my hood while he ran around.

When I was in school, the need wasn’t that... immediate. I still took sanity-breaks, and built them into my day/week to rely on, so they happened automatically, rather than my having to monitor the hell out of my mental/emotional state to bleed stress.

Speaking of which? THIS. The ptsd cup explanation

And welcome aboard.
Trigger therapy is one thing I miss and will have to back to. Thank you for the reminder that getting physical will indeed help burn a ton of sh*t. Part of my issue is, perhaps, feeling sorry for myself. Waiting on new knees and the need to start from scratch in my physical routine when once I was in fantastic shape has become a precedent to allowing a pity party. Dad was a jarhead - and I can damn near hear him echoing everything in your post. "Boots" :)

I will definitely look into the PTSD cup explanation. Thank you again.
 

Kaedance

New Here
Welcome to the forum. Loved your intro. ' Like minds and big boots'. Thinking this guy is determined. Takes that to do this part of our journey for sure!!

We all have that 'foggy brain' and have many ways to deal with it. Hopefully, something will resonate with you and you can try it. And then pick something else or come up with your own.

Glad you are here. This forum does make things more 'doable'. The support is great and variable.

This old lady has big boots. It's why I've gotten as far as I have.

And congratulations on going back to college. So it takes you longer. You are still doing it and at the end of the day, that is what matters. Glad you found like-minded people who understand.
Thank you ladee. My grandmother (and many others since) used to say that "getting old isn't for sissies" - and in my current locale, if I hear one more doctor, nurse or therapist tell me that a foggy brain is a direct result of menopause, I might go off the rails. There's "fog" - then there's the darkness of a fatal funnel that damn near engulfs a person. HUGE difference. Thank you very much for reaching out. I appreciate any swift kicks from your big boots - survivor ladee!
 

Kaedance

New Here
Hi, and welcome. As a 50-year-old who is now back in school to get a master's in counseling himself, I urge you not to give up. I think you'll find postgraduate work a lot more meaningful than what you're doing now. Even if you're easily distracted and have memory issues, I feel like there are workarounds. Could you meet with a counselor at your college to discuss it?
Thank you for reaching out - it is quite comforting to know that others are, if not in the same boat, at least in the same waters. I take everything online (I live in Wyoming...) but will be calling the UW counseling center next week. Not only for assistance with my crap - but hopefully a reference list of educated and experienced trauma therapists near me. I am looking forward to learning more - and a pleasure to meet you.
 
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