Sufferer New to the forum - trying to find new therapist after divorce

[LabGnome]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the forum and it was recommended as a resource by a therapist that kept seeing me but admitted to having no experience with PTSD treatment. I had to end my sessions with this provider for a few reasons - mainly the cost of therapy that is not helpful (man it would be nice if health insurance covered therapy.. or anything). I had a good therapist for many years that identified that I was dealing with PTSD from childhood (not going into that at the moment). Unfortunately as much as that therapist was a help I had to stop seeing them after I finding out my ex was having an affair as we shared this therapist and I lost trust in them. I have now been to two (2) separate therapists who listed PTSD in their skill set but do not practice EMDR, IFS, Brainspotting, or any other techniques specific to PTSD and cPTSD. On top of that I am suspicious that i have non diagnosed ADHD or autism. Both therapist focusted on my depression and selfestem issues. To be honest the only time those symptoms reduced is when I did EMDR. I feel like they are a byproduct of the PTSD / cPTSD but I feel like I can't find someone who will hear me. So the divorce was in 2021. I moved out in 2021, purchased a new house, filed for divorce, filed for custody, lost my mother, lost alot of friends because of the divorce, and really have no family or friends for support. This year I lost my mother's parents (both passed 6 weeks appart from each other) who were the only people who heard me and would not judge me. Otherwise I am the black sheep of what family i have left and i am the black sheep because i am too sensitive. I am going off on a side tangent. Anyhow I am trying to find a therapist in the Lehigh Valley area of Pennsylvania that could deal with the mess that i am. I am trying not to let this all overwhelm me because i cant afford to let my mental problems affect my kids. I would greatly appreciate any recomendations.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hi Everyone,

I am new to the forum and it was recommended as a resource by a therapist that kept seeing me but admitted to having no experience with PTSD treatment. I had to end my sessions with this provider for a few reasons - mainly the cost of therapy that is not helpful (man it would be nice if health insurance covered therapy.. or anything). I had a good therapist for many years that identified that I was dealing with PTSD from childhood (not going into that at the moment). Unfortunately as much as that therapist was a help I had to stop seeing them after I finding out my ex was having an affair as we shared this therapist and I lost trust in them. I have now been to two (2) separate therapists who listed PTSD in their skill set but do not practice EMDR, IFS, Brainspotting, or any other techniques specific to PTSD and cPTSD. On top of that I am suspicious that i have non diagnosed ADHD or autism. Both therapist focusted on my depression and selfestem issues. To be honest the only time those symptoms reduced is when I did EMDR. I feel like they are a byproduct of the PTSD / cPTSD but I feel like I can't find someone who will hear me. So the divorce was in 2021. I moved out in 2021, purchased a new house, filed for divorce, filed for custody, lost my mother, lost alot of friends because of the divorce, and really have no family or friends for support. This year I lost my mother's parents (both passed 6 weeks appart from each other) who were the only people who heard me and would not judge me. Otherwise I am the black sheep of what family i have left and i am the black sheep because i am too sensitive. I am going off on a side tangent. Anyhow I am trying to find a therapist in the Lehigh Valley area of Pennsylvania that could deal with the mess that i am. I am trying not to let this all overwhelm me because i cant afford to let my mental problems affect my kids. I would greatly appreciate any recomendations.

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. I'm sorry to hear about the challenges you've been facing and the difficulties you've experienced in finding the right therapist for your needs. It's important to have a therapist who is experienced in working with PTSD and understands the specific techniques that can be helpful for you.

The journey of healing can be a challenging one, and it's crucial to have the right support system in place. Alongside therapy, connecting with others who have similar experiences can be immensely helpful. Here at myptsd.com, we have a compassionate and understanding community of individuals who have been through or are currently dealing with PTSD and CPTSD. They can provide support, empathy, and helpful insights.

Remember, your experiences are valid, and reaching out for support is a sign of strength. While we can provide a supportive community, it's essential to consider seeking professional help as well. If you're in crisis or feel like your mental health is severely impacting your daily life, I encourage you to reach out to a local crisis hotline or mental health helpline in your area.

Please take care of yourself, and know that you are never alone on this journey. We're here to support you every step of the way.

Warm regards,
Riley

 

[Sideways]

Welcome to the forum!

Tbh, I’ve done a lot of therapy with trauma therapists, and it hasn’t included EMDR, IFS, or brainspotting.

The latter-2 of those are still very much in their infancy, and I know that my DID-specialist would steer well clear of IFS given the controversy around it, and the very limited peer-reviewed evidence of its effectiveness. So, even if those specific therapies aren’t available to you right now? There’s still a tonne of other ways to heal from PTSD.

Hopefully this place ends up being a valuable resource for your recovery:)

 

[LabGnome]

Welcome to the forum!

Tbh, I’ve done a lot of therapy with trauma therapists, and it hasn’t included EMDR, IFS, or brainspotting.

The latter-2 of those are still very much in their infancy, and I know that my DID-specialist would steer well clear of IFS given the controversy around it, and the very limited peer-reviewed evidence of its effectiveness. So, even if those specific therapies aren’t available to you right now? There’s still a tonne of other ways to heal from PTSD.

Hopefully this place ends up being a valuable resource for your recovery:)

I apologize - i am just frustrated currently. EMDR is what I knew when i first tackled the trauma. I am not expecting any sort of quick fix and i understand this will take a whole lot of work on my part. I guess i am just trying to find more guidance than workbooks on self esteem and being told i have so many good things in my life.. and again i know i need to put the work in... its just hard and hard to trust. i feel like i kept being told things are not that bad; sure on paper they are not. i have a steady job, a house, a car, shared custody of my kids. but that is it. the list ends there. i dont have close friends. i dont have family that cares - they just say "you will figure it out"..

Im sorry ill take down this post.

 

[Sideways]

I apologize

No need to apologise!

It can be very frustrating when, to a lay person, our life ticks a lot of the ‘Apparently successful’ boxes. Because that doesn’t necessarily reflect our internal experience at all.

Don’t give up. There’s a lot of relief from distress to be found. Yeah, it takes work. But you have a community here that will be behind you:)

 

[PlainJane]

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[LabGnome]

No need to apologise!

It can be very frustrating when, to a lay person, our life ticks a lot of the ‘Apparently successful’ boxes. Because that doesn’t necessarily reflect our internal experience at all.

Don’t give up. There’s a lot of relief from distress to be found. Yeah, it takes work. But you have a community here that will be behind you:)

i cant figure out how to take this post down. its ok. i am just overwhelmed and looking for help. i will read through posts and see if i can glean some info. i am on waiting lists for 3 Ts so its just a matter of time. i have never went down the rout of trying to take this more serious - that is having a care plan or someone actively looking for Ts for me (a case manager?). it was always just brushed away as me struggling with depression and seeking attention. i am also afraid if i take it more serious i will be put in a hospital - and now post divorce and having shared custody of my kids i would be afraid that would lead to loosing custody. anyhow i appreciate you listing - sorry about the drama and what not. ill be fine.

 

[arfie]

hello labgnome. welcome to the forum. is it tacky of me to hope you don't figure out how to delete this post? on my own recovery road, it remains a reflex for me to regret any and all attempts to reach out for help. admitting that i haven't met my perfection quotas remains a reflexive shame to my battered ego. i seem to heal and grow a bit every time i resist that reflex, even when the results fall short of my expectations. maybe especially when the results fall short my expectations. that perfectionism makes for a great many disappointed expectations. realigning my expectations is often the more sustainable solution.

oopsie. . . rambling again. . .

mostly wanted to welcome aboard. hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

 

[Sideways]

Mod Note:

i cant figure out how to take this post down.

If you ever have any questions about how to use the forum, you can hit us up at Contact Us. There is an edit window for posts, but no delete function.

 

[LabGnome]

is it tacky of me to hope you don't figure out how to delete this post

Apparently you cannot delete posts.
It is not a matter of perfection for me but feeling like i am being a bother / imposing on someone. Especially trying to reach out for help. Its really alright. I am trying to just put the mask on to get through the holiday. I call it the show for myself. If i put the show on then people like me or at least tolerate my presence.... unfortunately eventually i burn out. it is where i am at now - burnt out. i felt it coming on months ago and tried getting into a T. Unfortunately it was not a fit and i feel worse but i know that is on me. i am trying to figure out how to just live like this long term. how to put the show on in public and accept that i will have no one in my personal life. My recent T made a point that really resonated with me; they said it was unreasonable to expect anyone to be there for me... that i need to accept myself before others accept me. so hence the trying to just accept that this is how i am. it feels like a tough pill to swallow but i seems like the logical choice. i have been pushed away since i was born and i just need to accept that is who i am. takes time i guess.

Anyhow - i do swing to the perfectionism side of things sometime as i expect that i should just be ok with all of this. i try to remember that there is no such thing as perfection. that expecting myself to be perfect is just setting myself up for failure. its not as much ego for me but letting others down when they need me. being there for others is where i shine. probably why i am so good in customer service style roles. being what others need in the moment and fixing their problems is easy.

Anyhow now i am rambling / oversharing.

i am going to try to return to the shadows now.

 

[anthony]

Both therapist focusted on my depression and selfestem issues.

Based on reading what you're posting, I think they were both bang on with their focus.

I would greatly appreciate any recomendations.

Therapy is good, but it can't solve your problems. Only you can solve your problems. So... start with these two books:

Feeling Good The New Mood Therapy:

Amazon.com

Loving Someone With PTSD:

Amazon.com

Why am I recommending a book for spouses to you? Because that book will give you insight into your own behaviour. Understanding what others see helps you change you, instead of hiding behind a mask. Fix the problems, one by one, and the mask disappears mostly.

Unfortunately it was not a fit and i feel worse but i know that is on me.

Not fitting with a therapist is not a you issue, or the therapist, but just a compatibility, like any relationship, whether friendship, romantic or otherwise, both people have to pair in order for the relationship to work. Its not one or the other, but both do not align. Its not a fault thing, its a human thing. Your logic is the depression talking.

Take one of the larger issues you have, and work on that issue only. When you fix that large issue, you will find it will wipe out a whole bunch of smaller issues you have, suddenly one big issue resolves a whole bunch of problems in your life. It might take months or a year to do it, but its the best way of healing PTSD.

 

[OliveJewel]

listed PTSD in their skill set but do not practice EMDR, IFS, Brainspotting, or any other techniques specific to PTSD

I’m another person whose T did not do any of these things but helped me get my PTSD symptoms into something like remission or something I can cope with. I displayed significant symptoms and the therapy took 5 years of weekly sessions. But also I had to find the right fit and be ready to do the work. She was my fifth T.

I would add Pete Walker’s book “Complex PTSD” and Jay Earley’s “Self Therapy” to the list of recommended books.