I am new to this forum and hope to get some support. I would love to speak to someone that has similar situation as me. I lost my father when i was 14 years old. Very unexpectedly. He had a heart attack and found out later that he had a birth defect in his heart. One of his main artories was the size of the tip of a pencil. When he died i did not cry. I shut everyone i love out and did not grieve. The year following his death is a blurr. All i remember are bad times. Two years ago i had a person close to my family die the same way my dad did and had the same birth defect. After that i started getting panic attacks and feeling like i was going to die everyday. I have been suffering off and on from anxiety and panic since i was 19. But this time was different. I started going to a counselor and realized i did not grieve my dad. I got better, but 2 months ago i had another trigger. It was a normal night and our power went out out of no where. I was a stress out that day anyway from work so it affected me very hard. I thought that i had died. I remember trying to make my way through my house and i was screaming for my husband who was asleep. It was the worse feeling i had ever had in my life, beside the night my dad died. Since then i have been feeling the fear of death everyday. So i started going back to the counselor. This time is has been more intense. I started feeling some disasociation and i hate that feeling. I am getting better now, now that i am back on my meds, but i still have that little bit of fear that i am going to go crazy and never come out of it. It has been difficult for me latley because i a slow at work and sit in an office by myself, so my mind thinks about stuff all day. I just would like someone to talk to, because i have a lot to say and need someone that has experienced something similar.