Aprilmomof3
New Here
I am very new to even trying to understand the impact that ritual abuse and what people tell me was severe, long-term sexual, physical, and emotional trauma. All of it scares me and overwhelms me and makes me want to run and hide and go back to pretending everything is perfect, fine, blissful, happy, blessed, and the like. You get it. While I still live very much in that perfect, fine, great, blissful facade of a world, I need to in order to function, the fact that I dissociate in a variety of ways when things get to be too much is becoming more and more apparent to me. I do dissociate. I have experienced dissociative fugue. I do experience dissociative amnesia. I do experience depersonalization and derealization at times. I have significant memory gaps. I see pictures, where I am in them, and have literally NO MEMORY of me being there or what was even going on in the picture. A few days ago I came across a FB memory of me with a broken leg, in a cast, preparing to have surgery. No memory of any of it...the injury, the surgery, the recovery, even the CAUSE of the injury. This terrifies me...and happens to me more often than I can handle. I don’t know what to do. I am very, very scared. I just want it all to go away.