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Newbie On The Block - Domestic Violence and Partner Rape Survivor

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by skyward_falls, Jul 30, 2007.

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  1. skyward_falls

    skyward_falls Member

    Hi Everyone.

    I live in IL with my husband and our group of animals that are like our children. We have two cats, a puppy, a bird, and a fish - you can never have too many pets.

    I am survivor of domestic violence and partner rape and I've done a lot of work on myself and spent my time in therapy.

    I do have PTSD and recently came off of my medications in hopes of trying to conceive our first (human) baby with my husband.

    Its been a bit of a learning process and I am confident in myself now, but it is hard not having a person to relate to what I am going through and sometimes that makes me feel pretty alone.

    We've also been having a hard time getting pregnant - and the struggle hasn't made things an easier.

    Besides why I am here, I am normally pretty upbeat and I try to stay positive. I love crafting (anything and everything). I love doing things I've never done before and mastering how to do them.

    I'm from Florida originally so I love being near the water (unfortunately the tub is as close to the ocean as I live now), and I like doing adventurous things like skydiving.

    I left my career to be with my husband (near Chicago) and so I am a housewife for the time being. I am also picking up a few classes at the local college for the fun of learning and in hopes of one day getting a degree.

    I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone better and to return the support in the best ways that I can.

    Thanks for reading! :hello:
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  3. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi skyward, welcome to the forum. Good for you to be medication free now, and what better reason than to conceive. Congratulations and well done for your efforts. I know how you feel leaving medication, and its a tough ride, but amazing to find you can live without it once you learn how to manage one self. Well done... excellent effort, and none better than self discovery at that. Look forward to chatting with you lots more.
  4. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Hi Skyward,

    You sound very upbeat, and positive. Let's keep it that way. Let's not let the beast of PTSD knock at your door anymore....

    We all know what you are going through, and how lonely it can be. On the other hand...I do hope that you will conceive soon enough and that will bring you new joy!!!!

  5. nurse1

    nurse1 Active Member

    Hey Girl

    That was a very good intro. You sound very fun. Gald you found the site. i hope it helps with everyday life. I lived outside of Chicago at one time. For a very short tiime. Being from the south I didnt really like it much. I must say though there were really FINE guys everywhere!!!! I was marred but I still looked.

    I also lived in Sarasota FL. I loved It!!!! People were so nice. And it was Beautiful there!! Oh and those sugar sand beaches. My favorite thing was to walk along the beach at night and listen to the sounds. You know you can get that on tape but , its just not the same.

    People were not easy to meet in Chicago for me. I hope you have better luck. Everything was so faced paced. That was 20 years ago!!! Maybe its gotten better.

    Anyway Welcome:loopy::clap::loopy::clap::loopy:
  6. wildfirewildone

    wildfirewildone Well-Known Member

    :clap:GREAT!!!! Another fellow crafter!!! Good to have you aboard!!! ....GIVE PEACE A CHANCE
  7. skyward_falls

    skyward_falls Member

    Well thanks for the warm welcome! :biggrin:

    Anthony - I'd have to say you're the first for saying anything positive about coming off of the medication. I have to admit it took me aback a little and then I thought, "Yeah good for me." So thanks for that.

    She Cat (Wendy) Thanks for the warm wishes. It is tough. I'd been on the medication for several years now and its interesting to see what life is like without it. Interestingly enough, its not the upheaval I thought it would be but its definitely challenging. I'm excited to find a community though that is dedicated directly to PTSD. I live in a very small town, and I'm not familiar with many of the people here, and sometimes its just good to have people there that can understand.

    Nurse1 - No Chicago (outside of) is really still horrible. :wall: I don't have a friend other then my husband, yet, and I actually live in a pretty remote area. I have a feeling I haven't given it a chance yet and once I decide to stop hating it then I'm sure I will love it. It is tons different from Florida where I lived most of my life - mainly Orlando and Fort Lauderdale. My Mom and Dad, brothers and sister are all in Orlando and its hard living this far away from them. My husband and I married this past January so I'm still settling into married life. Talk about having a full plate. You are so right about walking the beaches - there is nothing that compares to it. Although I do have horrible bouts of insomnia and I have found that if I take a box fan and turn it to the second setting and close my eyes it does sound like the waves crashing into the beach. :sleep:

    Wildfire - My crafting habits are so nuts. I have boxes and boxes of things that I intend to do something with...one day! As I type this my dinning room table is a makeshift soap making station. We've eaten at the coffee table two days in a row now.
  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Sounds like you are doing an excellent job keeping a full life. Big congrats on the medication. Can I ask how long you have been off? I read your post and get my hopes up as I am freshly drug free. So I give you huge thumbs up, it is hard.

    Welcome to the forum, it would be great for you to see you are not alone and good for others to see you can make it off of medication and still have a life.

    Had to add good luck on the little one. The way I had mine... Go broke.
  9. skyward_falls

    skyward_falls Member


    I'd say about 3 months now. At first I thought, "oh this is easy." Silly me right? Its tempting, lately, to go back on the medication. Which is really ironic because for a long time I was strongly against medications. It took me a while to be okay with taking them and here I am crying because I don't have them. :dummy-spi

    I didn't think it would be the whole new level/learning experience that it is becoming. Again, Silly Me. :rofl:

    I haven't really decided what I am going to do in terms of my medication. The thought of forever staying off of it has crossed my mind...during daydreams....but I have a lot more learning and understanding to do about myself, how I cope and PTSD overall.

    I went through therapy for my rape at a rape crisis center where of course they are only therapists. I sought help further (by suggestion of my therapist at the rcc) and found a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD and took care of my medications. It helped me to function and move forward in every aspect - I know my symptoms - but I still have a lot to learn.

    Trying to have a little one has been rough. I also have Endrometosis so it sparks a lot of my PTSD issues - and that's where I've been screaming, "okay I don't know if I can handle all of this!" lately.

    I don't know if you've experienced some of the same issues coming off the medication or not. Would love to hear if you've experienced anything similar though.
  10. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    I have been very sympathetic to those who need medications to learn coping skills. I mean sometimes we need enough of a break sometimes when symptoms are completely out of control to even have a chance to think long enough to learn. I learned, and now I am doing double time or more on those exercises. I have only been off for my 11th day now. (said it was fresh)

    I have had horrible rebound panic attacks and some scary withdrawal symptoms I never experienced before. I heard a butterfly flap it wings today and about lost it. It was fluttering by my head, I reacted like it was a bullet. Nuts, huh LOL? Almost puked in my therapists office today with hot flashes. It was apparent as she asked if I need her to get a fan out.

    I was very close to taking the meds several times now. I have been off the anti depressants since I think November, and off of Xanax all the way after almost 2 and 1/2 years being on. I have had many other meds litter my system during this time and before. Like you I am against meds. Even while on them! But understand the need.

    If you have been off 3 months I think you can do this. It is hard but it can be done. People here can help.

    Hormones and female issues are normally exaggerated with PTSD. That is just the down side. But very normal. My doctors want me to do some type of hormone therapy as the symptoms I suffer from I am supposed to be way too young. I really think the pain and personality fluctuations will ease with time and less stress. I notice a lot of things are getting better already using CBT. Have my fingers crossed on this too!

    Just be careful thinking about redoing meds. I certainly already learned coping while going through withdrawals is a lot harder than learning to cope in general. I have been in withdrawals my entire time here on the forum with just a few breaks. I look forward to doing this on my own now and no band aid. Wish you luck doing the same.
  11. skyward_falls

    skyward_falls Member

    Thanks for responding.

    My PTSD was only treated with an antidepressant. My insomnia was treated with Ambien then over the counter medications as I was told - "they all do the same thing."

    I'm not sure what "too young" is....I was diagnosed at 14 with Endrometosis and was told its pretty normal for gilrs "my age." Ten years later I'm still dealing with it.

    I completely agree with medications now. I think that decision is ultimately up to "us" as to if we do or don't want to take medication. I know it took me a few months to find a medication that was a good fit for me.

    Being off of it I can't say that I feel "free from it." When I first came off of it there were days when I took a pill or so, but I was okay with that.

    My attitude was all wrong about disagreeing with meds. I always felt like meds covered things up, but really when I learned more about them and found the right one for me, my attitude changed. I knew it was okay because it let me be me.

    There are tons of instances like the butterfly that I experienced before my medication and therapy. I'm happy to say I don't feel that jumpiness any longer though.

    I do think when we're ready to go off of the meds it happens completely.

    I guess all we can do is take it one day at a time - and each day as its worth.
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