Sufferer Newly diagnosed PTSD and pregnant

Purple_one

New Here
Hi everyone,
I have just been diagnosed with PTSD due to birth trauma and pregnancy loss.

In 2019 I was induced and was having complications but was left 18 hours before I had to have an emergency c section to save my sons life. It was extremely traumatic - we thought we were going to lose our son. The doctors were in such a rush they started cutting me before the anaesthetic took hold. I felt everything and then there was massive panic in the operating room while they rushed to sedate me. Luckily my son was born and to everyone's surprise and relief had no issues.

I didn't recover well after my c section and went to my doctor and emergency where I was completely dismissed and felt worthless. For the next 18 months I lost all sense of reality and didn't feel like it was my life while I came to accept the pain because I must be imagining it - everyone told me there's nothing wrong so it's all in my head.

I then became pregnant again last year. I knew straight away something was wrong. I rang emergency and they discouraged me several times from coming in. I start bleeding and went to emergency and was encouraged to leave, that "you're only having a miscarriage and there's nothing to do". I went 3 more times over 3 weeks, now in extreme pain and eventually they scanned me. It was at this point an emergency - I had an ectopic pregnancy and ruptured tube and required immediate surgery.

I was told after my tube was infected. It was removed and for the first time in 18 months the pain was gone. I was constantly ignored by the medical profession, made feel small, like my pain wasn't real. I spent time after with a psychotherapist and felt I healed from it and moved on.

In January this year I became pregnant again. I thought I was happy but in my sleep I started badly scratching my face and body to the point where it bleeds and scars. I wake up having panic attacks where I feel like I'm having a miscarriage and am going to die. I feel dissociated from life again.

I've been to a perinatal psychiatrist who has diagnosed me with PTSD. I don't know how I'm going to get through this pregnancy. I don't trust anyone. I've been prescribed anti depressants but am afraid of how it may harm the baby. I can't really believe I'm going through this - it feels like something that happens to other people. Thanks for reading.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Friday

Moderator
First off… Welcome to the community!😁

I've been prescribed anti depressants but am afraid of how it may harm the baby.
My OBGYN about throttled me once she learned I’d been doing the antepartum depression/psychosis thing (the day my son was born I remember blinking and being so amazed that I didn’t want to kill myself, it just fell out of my mouth).

Antepartum depression runs in my family… ALL the women in my family get “the suicide hours” during pregnancy (a few hours a day, linked to hormones, vanishes at birth)… so it wasn’t anything I thought was a big deal. You just chain yourself up, so the worst that ends up happening is a sore throat from screaming.

Come to find? Whilst most antidepressants aren’t at all safe during pregnancy and have to be weaned off, post haste? A very short list ARE safe/approved during pregnancy and have been used by millions of women, with millions of healthy kids, for decades. IE any even anecdotal trending of birth defects, cognitive difficulties, etc. would have been noticed a loooooong time ago. No physical or cognitive/emotional effects on the fetus during pregnancy, nor things cropping up during childhood later on.

Oops.😅

So we set up a game plan for all future pregnancies that 1) meant we would clomid up & shoot for multiples (so I would be pregnant the fewest number of times possible) & 2) that we’d start antepartum depression & psychosis meds as soon as those symptoms presented
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello purple. welcome to the forum.

congratulations on the new baby with prayers for a successful gestation. as i read your story, i found myself wondering if grief is a part of all this. losing a child, even through miscarriage, in no small grief. just wondering.

steadying support while you work it through. welcome aboard.
 

Purple_one

New Here
Come to find? Whilst most antidepressants aren’t at all safe during pregnancy and have to be weaned off, post haste? A very short list ARE safe/approved during pregnancy and have been used by millions of women, with millions of healthy kids, for decades. IE any even anecdotal trending of birth defects, cognitive difficulties, etc. would have been noticed a loooooong time ago. No physical or cognitive/emotional effects on the fetus during pregnancy, nor things cropping up during childhood later on.
Thanks so much for this reassurance. I've been scouring the internet looking for something to tell me that it's not safe to take them, but I couldn't find anything solid. I have started taking them now, hopefully will start feeling better soon.

hello purple. welcome to the forum.

congratulations on the new baby with prayers for a successful gestation. as i read your story, i found myself wondering if grief is a part of all this. losing a child, even through miscarriage, in no small grief. just wondering.

steadying support while you work it through. welcome aboard.
Thanks arfie. I did have a hard time last year. I couldn't be around anyone that was pregnant. Today I feel still feel angry. I feel if I had been listened to when I said I wasn't well, that infection could have been cleared up and none of this would have happened. There would have been no loss.

Now I find it really hard to be pregnant again. Back here again where I feel I have no control and have no faith in doctors and anything could go wrong. When I have panic attacks I actually feel like I'm having a miscarriage and I'm going to die this time. I can't believe all the pain I feel when I'm having a panic attack isn't actually real. Not sure if this is the norm with panic attacks.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i am 2 1/2 years into grieving the death of my adult son (35). it doesn't take anything as big as repeating the same sequence of events to trigger my grief. grief is a profound and mysterious process.

I can't believe all the pain I feel when I'm having a panic attack isn't actually real. Not sure if this is the norm with panic attacks.

in my personal psych inventory, this is not a panic attack. feeling the pain of a past event makes it a ptsd flashback. ouchus maximus. drop everything and ply therapy tools NOW. post haste. my flashbacks typically daisy chain where one flashback leads to another. well plied therapy tools on the first flashback can save me weeks, even months and years of emotional instability.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

continued support while you sort your own case.
 

Purple_one

New Here
i am 2 1/2 years into grieving the death of my adult son (35). it doesn't take anything as big as repeating the same sequence of events to trigger my grief. grief is a profound and mysterious process.
Very sorry for your loss of your son and for the difficult time you're going through.
 
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