Sufferer Newly diagnosed with PTSD from childhood trauma & panic disorder

Heatwavez

New Here
New here, newly diagnosed with PTSD & panic disorder though I’ve been living with the symptoms a long time, some for as long as I can remember. Had frequent panic attacks, frequent nightmares, what felt like almost constant intrusive thoughts/flashbacks, suicidal thoughts. Recently started a few different medications which bring a lot of relief, had my first therapy session yesterday.

My trauma comes from being raised by people who managed their own trauma by drinking it away. Was sexually assaulted as a kid by a few different adults I trusted, and then again several times in adulthood as well. Couldn’t be my authentic self without all of the bigots in the family trying to bully it out of me. Several abusive relationships in adulthood, some romantic and some not. Lived in poverty most of my life.

I feel guilty for how poorly I’ve adapted, feel bad for being in a place where I can get help now, knowing how many people have barriers to treatment, knowing how bad many people have it. And now really, I’m in the best place I’ve been in my life and I’m embarrassed the past still haunts me. My home is peaceful, I have two kids, by one of my abusers…but still, I’m with a different, loving partner now. I have stability but I am always fearful of when it ends, find myself overreacting to situations in an attempt to maintain that peace. I feel guilty knowing that I have had it easier than many and I am still struggling to get to a better place mentally.

I’m thankful to have found this community and hope to grow with you all. Thanks for reading.
 

StillPen

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. I found your intro relatable in so many ways. As you can, read the threads and diaries of others here...you will find help, healing, support and hope. Also, don't push yourself too hard to continue reading if something causes your symptoms to flare...nice and slow. You can always come back later (this is based on my experience, anyway).
 
Welcome @Heatwavez ! I relate to much of what you've said also.

Please don't feel guilty for having good things and people in your life, or stability and peace. That is a success story. What you are struggling to manage is a consequence of the past, not a personal failing. And you never know how your healing, perseverance and openness might help others in the future, and provide a great model for your kids. That is a wonderful quality you have to be aware and concerned for others.

Am glad you found this place and hope it's one of learning, comfort and support.
 

Heatwavez

New Here
I appreciate you taking the time to respond. You bring up a great point, my story is far from over. When I’m in a better spot, I’ll find a way to help others. It feels like a calling at this point. Thank you again for the kind words and for the perspective shift. I hope you’re having a good day today.

Welcome to the forum. I found your intro relatable in so many ways. As you can, read the threads and diaries of others here...you will find help, healing, support and hope. Also, don't push yourself too hard to continue reading if something causes your symptoms to flare...nice and slow. You can always come back later (this is based on my experience, anyway).
That’s great advice, and I genuinely appreciate it and will keep it in mind. Thanks for taking the time to respond and for the kind words, I hope you’re having a good day.
 
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