Sufferer News coverage of my trauma made me a low functioning hermit

prynne

Confident
Hi everyone!

Nightmares have kept me awake tonight, so I thought I’d do something useful and finally make an account on here. This website comes up often on my late night google searches and seeing that so many people have the same exact feelings that I do helps me feel less alone :)

I’ve been officially diagnosed with PTSD from (mostly sexual) abuse for the past 2 years or so, but I’ve struggled with these issues for my entire life. Dissociation and depression are also big problems for me.

The past 3 years or so have been indescribably difficult for me after one of my past abusers attracted the attention of the media. Suddenly all of these horrible things that had happened to me and other girls became daily news/entertainment and were impossible to avoid. The disrespect, humiliation, and alienation that the media has made me feel really is unforgivable. I’ve been a bit of a hermit because for a time it was like I couldn’t go anywhere without seeing my abusers face. Not the grocery store (don’t look over at the newsstand! Don’t look, don’t look) not the hospital (sit facing away from the waiting room tv so maybe if they talk about him at least you won’t have to see his face), nowhere. I felt like I was being haunted. I would I have flashbacks in the most embarrassing places. I once scream cried in a waiting room bathroom after seeing my abuser being defended by news anchors and then had to go back out there and wait for my appointment like nothing happened. Things have died down a bit nowadays but I’m left still feeling like a monkey in a zoo. I often feel like I’m the only one on earth who has been through something like this. I don’t want to show my face in public. I know what people were saying about me and those other girls. Either I’m a lying w**** (cursing allowed?) or I’m a true crime podcast topic to them.

These past few years have been hard but have also been a catalyst for my recovery. Swim or drown, you know. My PTSD is probably better managed than it ever has been, but with healing comes new challenges. I’ve had to almost completely abstain from social media for the past few years to avoid triggers, and this makes it hard for me to socialize with people in my age group. I’m hoping to meet new people and make connections with people who understand what it’s like to live with PTSD. Although some of my circumstances may be different than most people, I still relate to the day to day struggles that I see people talk about on here. I think we are more alike than we are different :)
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello prynne. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

gentle empathy on the impact of being bandied around the mainstream news like a political hot potato. i "won" my day in court when my primary abuser was convicted of child sex trafficking in two states. this was in the pre-internet and the gossip, etc., was still more traumatic than the life in the travelling kiddie whorehouse. between court proceedings and media gossip, i didn't feel like i had won anything grander than further humiliation.

but. . .

Although some of my circumstances may be different than most people, I still relate to the day to day struggles that I see people talk about on here. I think we are more alike than we are different :)

truer words were never spoken. welcome aboard. hope you find healing companionship here.
 

Friday

Moderator
(cursing allowed?)
Hell, yes.

Nightmares have kept me awake tonight, so I thought I’d do something useful and finally make an account on here. This website comes up often on my late night google searches and seeing that so many people have the same exact feelings that I do helps me feel less alone :)
Welcome to the community!
 

StillPen

MyPTSD Pro
@prynne, so glad you finally created that account. All walks of trauma here, so your being/having a unique situation can serve as further proof you belong...as the symptoms are all the same for the most part. Hope you find comfort, healing, and communtiy here.

@Friday, I write the occasional curse word, ok a lot, but see (and copy) that peope **** the F word? Why do you suppose that is moreso than other curse words?
 

Friday

Moderator
@Friday, I write the occasional curse word, ok a lot, but see (and copy) that peope **** the F word?
The system automagically asterisks some words.

Motherf*cker
Cock juggling thunderc*nt

& not others.

Goddamn sonnuvabitch
Shits n giggles

& no other languages are fig leafed to the best of my knowledge

Fils putain
Tabernac
Che cazzo vaffunculo fai
Baka

I once made a Christmas tree outta f*cks. 😉 during the holidays & added extra asterisks as snow

….…..f*ck
…...f*ck f*ck
…f*ck f*ck f*ck

^^^ on a much grander scale 🎄

Why do you suppose that is moreso than other curse words?
You would need to ask this @ Contact Us as the decisions of which words to add to the systems list are made at an admin level.
 

prynne

Confident
gentle empathy on the impact of being bandied around the mainstream news like a political hot potato
I've met people who have had similar experiences to me once or twice, but I still find myself shocked when it happens. It's just so alienating living with an issue when everyone else, even your family, would like to pretend that it doesn't exist in real life. It's comforting and validating to hear that you've been through something similar. Thank you for sharing that with me :)
i didn't feel like i had won anything grander than further humiliation.
For real. A twenty-year sentence is insulting considering what this person has done. It almost doesn't feel worth all of the suffering that this media coverage has put me through, but at least this person won't be able to directly hurt anyone else for a couple of decades. Maybe if I'm lucky they'll die in prison.
welcome aboard. hope you find healing companionship here
Thank you for being so kind!
Welcome to the community!
Thank you!
Hope you find comfort, healing, and communtiy here
Thank you, I hope so, too.
welcome to the site ☺
Thank you :)
Sorry to highjack your diary @prynne. A small bit of fun for you, hopefully. We all need laughter to help us heal.
It's no problem lol. I enjoyed seeing that this website isn't all depressing stuff.
Hope this is a place where you can connect more comfortably:)
Thank you! From what I've seen, I think it will be. You guys are very welcoming.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
I've met people who have had similar experiences to me once or twice, but I still find myself shocked when it happens. It's just so alienating living with an issue when everyone else, even your family, would like to pretend that it doesn't exist in real life. It's comforting and validating to hear that you've been through something similar. Thank you for sharing that with me :)

thank you for sharing, as well. i suspect we have met more people that we know with similar experience, but that they don't share about it any more freely than i do. i literally want to vomit and worse when i do share about the pain of it and it turns into a facebook shoot out over the oughts of the naughts. yo. . . opinionators. . . your ample opinions are like salt on my open and infected wounds. this is me in hyper-flight. . .

i like to write "justice" as two words. it is just-ice.
 
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