Nightmares from Childhood

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johndelmario

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I have reoccurring nightmares that go back to my childhood. It is not something I am terribly comfortable talking about. I believe when I was a child I was disciplined in a way that was abusive. However, I 'm not certain even today that the legal system would see it as abusive. When I was judged by my parents to have done something serious, I was generally spanked. I was spanked up until age 14, when my parents finally decided to use other methods like grounding to keep me in line. The spankings that I got were beyond what I think most people would consider reasonable. When I got into trouble I was usually forced to wait in my room for a couple of hours. Than, Mom or Dad would bring me downstairs to the living room. Both my older sister and younger brother would be present. Usually, my father would lead a discussion about what I had done wrong. He would explain why my actions were serious and that as my father it was his duty to teach me to behave better. I would than be made to take off my pants and usually my underwear. I would than be spanked over his knee in front of my whole family. Its hard to describe just how embarrassing this was. Sometimes, my father would use his hand and sometimes a belt (folded in half). I always remember it hurting a great deal and feeling much shame during this process. I would cry and sob, but my father generally did not stop until he felt confident that in his words "I had learned my lesson". I still have dreams about this. Sometimes, I am in my room waiting for him to come to the door. Other times, I dream I am being forced to take off my pants in front of my family. I have not sought counseling for this because of the huge embarrassment I have about it.
 

Lumos

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry that they done this to you. That was abuse. It would maybe help to go for counselling about it. Therapists hear so many different terrible things, it would surprise you. They would not judge you and let you talk about it to process it and maybe you'd start to feel somewhat better having the weight lifted from you to an extent.
 

Kieran

Learning
I'm incredibly sorry that you've had to endure such terrible abuses, but know this: none of this is your fault and you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. It is they who should be ashamed of how they treated you.

If you think counseling would help you, I'd say go for it.

Thanks for being brave enough to share with us. ?

I hope you can find some comfort here.

I've found keeping a dream journal helps the mind release the weight of those living memories, but I'd say to do your best in seeking someone to speak to, especially since it seems like it's something you want to do.

Best of luck, and keep us updated, if you want to. :)
 
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