Nightmares - Harming My Abuser

[GR-ass]

I keep having differant versions of the same dream. In it my brother is starting to attack me, grabbing me like he used to. I;m terrified in it. It changes and I'm alone. I can hear my family (the adults anyway) talking. I walk in and they ignore me. I try to talk to them, I'm yelling at them. My arms are bleeding, every scar is open and I have a knife in my hand.

I start slashing at them, my parents are watching as I stab and cut my brothers. I'm screaming in the dream.
When I stop, I'm covered in blood. I look at them all. My parents still don't see what is going on.
Then my brothers speak. They say something like 'It's all your fault, you made us do it."

Then I wake up in a cold sweat, unable to breath and crying.

What I want to know is (besides am I slightly homocidal) is if anyone else has dreams where they attack their abusers, or blame themselves for what happened?

 

[Boo-Damphir]

I still do GR'ass! It seems the nightmares return vividly when I'm under stress. I begin by running from some unknown perpetrator and then it changes to where I am hunting him down. It's scary to feel that much pleasure and delight in a dream of hurting someone else. Although I don't have other people in the dream blaming me, I end up feeling guilty and blaming myself.

When I wake up I analyze it to death and doubt myself. It's scary that's for sure, but it does sound like another common theme we PTSDrs have.

The mind can be wickedly strong at times.

 

[GR-ass]

thinks a moment then nods.

It could be subconciously a way that we gain control over our trauma. I mean, I strive to keep some sort of control over any given situation. I hate not having any control and what my brothers did to me took that control away from me. Dreaming like this could be a way of me subconciously taking control of the situation regaurdless of the consequences.

God that was deep.

 

[nugget]

Hey cass, from our chat the other night that bloke, i kill him every night weather its in my truck or i punch & kick him till he`s dead i have dreament many different ways of killing him. I just thought it was me wanting to have the last (word, be in control ) that sort of shit.

 

[GR-ass]

hugs tight.

Yeah, it could be. Of course, I wanted to hit that bloke too so :hugs:

 

[erryyn]

I don't really dream of specific people, just situations and, yes, many times they are violent. About 90% of the time, it is me responding with a great deal of violence; 'negotiating with extreme prejudice'. Some situations may be, in some ways, similar to actual experience but most are quite over the top (explosions, etc.). I, too, have dreams of killing 'bad guys'. Some of my freakier dreams pit me up against demonish things or people who wont die, so I have to choose my weapons quickly and carefully.

I had two dreams, in the past, that were kind of odd. This man appeared in both of them and, even at the time, I knew that I didn't know him and had never met him. In both dreams, he was the same 'man' (evil embodied - all about death, those dreams) though he was doing different things. I still remember what he looked like because I told myself that if I ever met a man who looked like that I'd stay the hell away. It was weird.

 

[batgirl]

I always dream about killing my dad. He won't die though, just mends or heals himself like the Terminator and then laughs at me. My dad often says to me in my dreams that I should be dead instead of my brother.

 

[anthony]

We both know that isn't realistic though batgirl, because he shot your brother first, then you... so we know that dream is a crock, and you should kick your dad in the arse during it to be honest, for telling you fibs. We both know though that this is your minds perception of your own emotions, thoughts and idealistics, not really what your dad would want at all.

 

[anthony]

I probably shouldn't have done that actually... I did say I wasn't go to poke you yet. My bad...

 

[batgirl]

I probably shouldn't have done that actually... I did say I wasn't go to poke you yet. My bad...

That's okay. You did get me wondering about my dream though. Is that what it means?!? So really it's me I'm dreaming about, not my dad. Well, I'll think about that. I would love to kick his ass in the dream too. Maybe I will tonight. :)

 

[anthony]

Its your perception of what you believe your father would say, or what you want your father to say, not actually your father saying these things too you. You have determined the words, the answers, all within your mind producing the dream / nightmare itself.

 

[batgirl]

Okay thanks. Wow. I really didn't think about it that way. I haven't been analyzing my dreams at all to be honest.