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Dom Violence Nine months after the assault

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Laash9119

nine months ago i was assaulted by the person i was dating. I met him while we both worked in a local bar/restaurant, a job I took to get through school. He was helping me dog sit for a friend who is a dog trainer, so ten dogs total to watch. I came back from work and he was hammered. Had gotten in my face when i asked if he was drinking (which was stupid on my part) and the getting tossed around started there.

After about an hour of this he walked out of the house to his car.. which i saw as my opportunity to keep him out of the house. Not as easy as i anticipated.

As this is occurring i managed to call his brother who was a good half an hour away. He started our way and called him, which prompted the guy who assaulted me to leave.

I immediately called the police. They came to me and went looking for him - finding him at his parents house, out of the car, and willing to go with them. As i made my report we checked for bruising and took pictures. Although it was helpful to have someone there with me to gather information, because i couldn’t keep a straight thought in my mind. This of course turned on me.

After the police left he sat and talked with me for a long while. He suggested i get a PFA, as did the responding officers, as well as to press charges. After some time of calming down and talking he took me to get my immediate PFA. I was awarded a two year PFA from that point on. A month and a half later he was found guilty of second degree assault and put on probation because it was his only offense.

Considering we did work together I had to tell my employer. I called my manager who drove up to make sure I was alright. The next day they made the decision to fire him.

He also posted bail for himself the next day.

Because I began down the road of pressing charges and getting a PFA his friend tried to contact me. At first nice, then threatening and trying to pass along information. This made no impact legally but did frazzle me (in my head just another person to now fear)

I wore long sleeves and pants to work for weeks until the bruises healed. This was at a time when it was warm enough to wear shorts and a tank top.

For some reason this matter turned into something much worse. My manager got really creepy towards me - several people thinking that he had a thing for me. My employer then dragged my personal issue into work. Mind you, we were seeing each other before this happened, but never interacted at work unless it was work related. This ended up with me getting fired, and immediately rehiring him. Several people quit immediately after hearing about this. On that same note - several people who were friends of mine stopped talking to me to become friends with him. One of those people had taken me to get my secondary PFA.

Within one months time every aspect of my life was flipped around. I was fortunate enough to know someone who was willing to hire me, and it’s a nice job i can really grow in to, but I cannot handle what happened to me (some days)

I have trouble being out in public. Especially with work at first, I was around a lot of new people, mostly men, so that I found to be difficult. I find I’m usually on edge, almost as if I’m not my normal happy go lucky self. I’m nervous to be alone - I didn’t stay alone in my home for weeks afterwards, several friends roatated staying on my couch. I’ve been weird about who knows what about me - especially after those friends dropped me to continue hanging out with him (I assume because they all like to drink heavily, so they can do that together, whereas I rarely drink)I have been having reoccurring dreams of the event, more so recently. I haven’t been able to take much lightly, which is good and bad.

I have no idea how to get past this, or how to help myself. I started seeing a counselor immediately after, and rationally i understand all of it fully, but emotionally I’m having a reAlly hard time. I’d like to go back to myself; happy go lucky, type A, get stuff done and enjoy the day and those around me type of person I usually am. It’s like in my head I hold myself back. Any advice would help tremendously.
 
It sounds like you have been through hell! If you are in the US I would call an attorney and file a complaint with the EEOC. To me, it sounds like you were targeted and retaliated against after reporting it to your employer. Legally that is completely wrong!! Since it hasn’t been very long you would be within the time limits. I must say very well done for reporting this immediately.
 
when i contacted an attorney they told me that they couldn’t see how anything correlated and that i didn’t have a case.
 
I would try at least one more attorney if it were me.

I called a couple, the only one i even heard back from told me my assault didn’t correlate with me getting fired and i had no case. I’ve had people tell me i have a case and to contact an attorney and attorneys ignore me because they don’t think that I do? It’s very defeating none the less.

I keep having reoccurring dreams about the situation or aspects of it, it’s starting to really take its toll on me mentally. I’m getting nervous to be out in public, or to be out alone. I’m afraid someone is going to come to my home as well. I never used to be like this, shaky and nervous, avoiding living my life.
 
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