No aparment, no stability and limited time

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Here's the deal. I've lived in another country for many years. Back home I only have my parents and couple of friends I see 2ce a year. But I moved right after university so I never build a life here. Then I came to visit my parents for a month, and 3 months later, I still haven't returned due to current global situation. Meanwhile my landlord decided for that same global reason to sell the apartment I was renting. Could have taken months, so I didn't worry... and then it sold in a week, while I was still not able to enter. There was a month grace period, but as I mentioned, I couldn't cross the border for 3 months for different reasons. So my friend had to move out all my stuff(thank god for good friends though!).
Sadly, her place is too small, so can't handle my stuff and me at the same time. Meanwhile, the new people have moved into my old apartment. So I booked airbnb for 3 nights next week(I can finally return!) and I will have only that time to find a new place. I've been sort of stable for a while, but still paying off a lot of debt, so most of my income is gone and divided the moment I receive it. Between last bills in the place I was, travelling, pcr tests etc. I'll barely have income and deposit for the cheaper acceptable places. Which means that I am making no exact decisions on neighbourhoods or roommates, I will have to accept what is available and decide that I can change it later on. The bad part is that because I'm a foreigner and need to register my address(and have contract that I'm renting), many people refuse to deal with that whatsoever. So not having perfect finances plus that fact makes matters very tough. Of course if I run out of money and I haven't found something I'm sure my friend won't leave me on the street, but it's not a position I want to be in.

I am just having a tough time. A lot of my sense of safety sometimes comes from having a good safe home. I take a lot of pride in decorating and organising and making a secure home.
Yet now I'll be back where I feel at home, but having to look for a place in record time. And returning home is sort of... the option if ALL other options have been exhausted. I build a life in that city. I want to somehow stay there. So I'm having a bit of a mental fight with myself. A part of me thinking I lived there for 6 years, got through a lot and had just made a home, I don't want to leave it. So I'll make calls all day if I have to, go see places, bargain, plead and look until I find something within these 3 days. And of course there is the part of me horrified that I have no exact home yet and I'm going there gambling on my ability to find one. It puts a lot of pressure on everything right now.

How do I keep my sense of safety/stability in this situation?
Not to mention, the global situation on top of this situation?

I've been making normal amount, paying my normal bills and some debt for a while now(and still so much more to go). But between the apartment and the pandemic I feel like I need to be making double that magically and be able to handle this craziness way better than I am. Some days I'm stable and think I'm going to put all my fight into it. I'm saving and updating possible apartment listings within price range(-ish) to be able to jump into it right away. Looking jobs to get local job to go along with my online work right when I get back. Keeping faith. And some days I feel too depressed to move, and I feel like a tiny thread of sanity is keeping me from being blown away into oblivion and chaos. Like I'm barely keeping it together after having worked so hard to build the life I had, which after not being there for 3 months is sometimes seeming like a weird dream I had. And now somehow need to integrate into it, except so much is different. I feel like the stability I worked for years to create is crumbling under me piece by piece. So I go between these 2 states and I think having good proactive days is coming only from sheer stubbornness that I didn't work this long for everything to just disappear so fast. But I still have horribly bad days, like today, and I don't know how to keep strong and believe that I can handle this. And in four days, I'm travelling back, and I will have to be stronger.
 
I just wanted to say that maybe it'll actually be easier than you think - cos right now, everyone's going through a situation that is nuts and everyone's finances are strained and everyone's having to rearrange stuff like living arrangements?

I live in a country where ppl are usually very inflexible and there's rules and regulations for everything you can think of.

And suddenly, cos of the pandemic, people have started becoming a lot more flexible, willing to compromise, willing to help each other, less judgemental.

I've found it a real breath of fresh air.

So maybe in a weird back-to-front way, it'll turn out less complicated than you're expecting?
 

Justmehere

Sponsor
How do I keep my sense of safety/stability in this situation?
Not to mention, the global situation on top of this situation?
I had to go through a season of moving a lot, and it turned me upside down. I learned to find the safety in very simple things. Like noticing 4 walls and a door to lock.
I feel like the stability I worked for years to create is crumbling under me piece by piece. So I go between these 2 states and I think having good proactive days is coming only from sheer stubbornness that I didn't work this long for everything to just disappear so fast. But I still have horribly bad days, like today, and I don't know how to keep strong and believe that I can handle this. And in four days, I'm travelling back, and I will have to be stronger.
Things in life can be so fleeting. Here's the thing though - the stability you built - you are so much more likely to build it again. Setbacks are not the end of the process, it's part of it. Your good track record making all the progress you have, both externally and internally, hasn't gone away. You are facing a REALLY COMMON major setback due to global events. 5 years from now, this will probably seem like a tiny blip on a screen of an event. Right now? It is overwhelming. It is very likely to get better. Keep taking it one step at a time.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
the stability you built - you are so much more likely to build it again. Setbacks are not the end of the process, it's part of it. Your good track record making all the progress you have, both externally and internally, hasn't gone away.
I think this was the best thing you could have said. Because I had really started thinking that I worked for so many years, just to be back at the start. Thank you for this! I really hope it's true, I would love if it is.
And suddenly, cos of the pandemic, people have started becoming a lot more flexible, willing to compromise, willing to help each other, less judgemental.
Actually, I didn't even think of it that way. All I kept thinking is how not ready to move I am. But I know that for the country I'll be in this situation has been awful for the economy and worse personally for many small businesses(that is true for many places now, though, I know). I suppose maybe there is some hope of someone being understanding. I'll try to visit as many apartments in person as I can, I believe my situation will be more real and likely for better outcome if I talk person to person.
I had to go through a season of moving a lot, and it turned me upside down. I learned to find the safety in very simple things. Like noticing 4 walls and a door to lock.
Maybe this is why I am finding this scary. I lived in 1 place for the first 16 years of my life, and even after that it's been rare to stay in a place less than 4 or 5 years at least. So for me moving after year and a half just as I had made a good safe home seems unnatural and scary. I hope I learn safety in little things too and this process goes smoothly(if possible).
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
@Sophy (in lockdown) @Justmehere @DharmaGirl
I just wanted to say thank you! Your comments really helped me in what was getting to be a really dark time!

Last week, I finally traveled back (after 3 months!). I made a zillion calls and found an apartment on the second day of being back! Furniture is a little old, but I'm living alone and for my price point I have so much space! And plenty of storage, small but separated kitchen with full oven, and tiny bathroom and living room and what seems to be a great landlord so far! I felt at home in it the moment I entered. And location wise it's in same area where I was so no need to relearn from scratch! And everything with documents and moving and settling in has been moving at the speed of light ever since I returned, it's happening so fast and so easy it almost feels unnatural(everything has been so very hard for so long). It feels like a tide is turning in a way, like maybe things are finally improving.

And I'm not going to lie, living by myself again seems to be extremely soothing to my mental health.
I feel extremely lucky. Well, my friend got tested positive for covid yesterday so I am a bit worried about her, but I believe she'll be okay(and in these times I'm lucky it's only 1 friend).
But in a way of apartment and stability? I have a new home that may have old furniture, but otherwise, it ticks all the boxes I wanted, including safe neighborhood, quiet place, good landlord, plenty of light, storage and space... all of it. I feel very lucky and I'm slowly(no, actually, rather fast!) building a home again.
And that feels good.
 
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