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No One Believes In Me

Discussion in 'General' started by Tiana, Jun 14, 2007.

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  1. Tiana

    Tiana Member

    Fine. I understand my natural state is catatonic on the couch. I've decided a month ago I want to redo my living room (I'm stuck in it, it's my prison cell). For a month I have made detailed lists on cleaning, dusting, painting, funiture re-upolser, taking up the rug, painting the floor, and getting an area rug. For more than a month, I've talked about painting because the wall under the air unit filled with water, had to be torn down, it was half rebuilt (slum lord), and the rug is mildewed from that as well as bathroom overflows through the years. I have shared every part of all of my ideas with my husband, who was so giving me carte blanch on whatever I wanted to do, and my mom, who was cheering me on. Hubbie and I go and get the tools to cut up the rug. I was so excited, called my mom, who I thought was just as excited, and she was negative, having my back and it's like she takes the wind out of my sails.
    I had only just begun, hubby came home during lunch, I emailed him before, he knew I was starting today, I told him it was gross. He came home and said nothing, then called me later from work and decided to snipe me (explsive temper, like my dad had, will shut me up and have me crying and apologising, cow towing, and cowering). I wasn't having. I exploded.
    I was screaming on the phone, and i was bloody right.
    Why do I have to break down in order for people to take me seriously?!
    :cussing: :cussing: :cussing: :cussing: :cussing:
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  3. sparta21

    sparta21 Member

    I identify so much with you. Usually, I'm very mouse-like. People step all over me. I hate conflict, so this is usually ok. But when I do get upset, people think I've gone crazy. Then I wind up apologizing for being angry when I REALLY was angry. Don't know if this helps, but I totally hear you.
  4. FlyLadyFan

    FlyLadyFan Member

    Hi, Tiana -- I feel your frustration, I really do. I've spent tons of time with pen and paper planning, planning ... and then I start something and lose interest in it and run off to the next attractive-looking thing and start planning that, and the cycle repeats itself.

    Remind these people you'll be happy to return to your stand-still on the couch if they prefer and they can clean up the *amn mess you started and perhaps if they had been more supportive they could have reaped the rewards too of the new decor. Tell 'em what's in it for them if they'll be in it for you!

    Go get 'em, girl!


  5. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    Tiana, I know the feelings you're talking about, though I don't know exactly because I'm not in your shoes and not faced with the same exact circumstances.

    My opinion is, for what it's worth, to hell with them.
    Is that course? Yes.
    Is that brash? Yes.
    Is that rude? Very.

    But Tiana, they will do to you only what you allow. Your mom is still your mom. Love her and respect her, but she has to respect you as well. Her insight is very valuable, as she raised you and you modeled your persona after her as a child. Kids do that. So when you have your mother's acceptance, it feels good. If you don't it hurts. "What am I doing wrong?" is a common thought. I know, BTDT. But realize that it's YOUR living room. Her acceptance is still valuable, but if she doesn't accept it, does she live there? No. YOU do. You can discuss this with her (I'm sure of it) in an assertive manner to let her know how you feel about her comments, but how you feel about yourself and your home.

    As for your husband, I can't answer much there. Perhaps sit him down and do the same thing? I'm a guy, so i don't know how to approach that from a woman's point of view. Likewise, anything I talk about doing is from a man's point of view. That's what sucks about being a man, I suppose. lol!

    In either case though, assertiveness works. And that doesn't matter if you're a man or woman. It can be hard to do if you aren't already accustomed to being assertive, but with practice it becomes easier and more enjoyable.

    I wish you the best, Tiana!
  6. Tiana

    Tiana Member

    You all are so wonderful, I can't tell you how much each of your posts mean to me! Sparta, FlyLady, Cactus Jack... I have like the biggest smile on my face right now! I was feeling so defeated, but your posts have filled me with not only more gumption to have it done this weekend (the floors), I'm aiming to have my living room finished by the end of the week and have my mom over by Sunday to surprise her!
    Thank you again so much for bestwishes good thoughts! (I'm sure I'll be reading them a lot to help in the tough spots!)
    Hugs to all,
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