I'm trying not to make this about me (because it's not), but yesterday a friend of mine from the Corps committed suicide. I really don't know how to process this. I was suppose to be in therapy today, but my daughter is home for a dental appointment. I saw the news this morning on my Facebook feed and there has just been a gloom hanging over the day since then. I don't really have any friends (because I isolate) so I don't really have anyone to talk to, to process what it is that I'm feeling. I didn't know he was struggling. I wonder if he knew how bad I am struggling. I would have reached out to him if I would have known. It has been so long since I've posted on here I wonder if this is really even the venue to do this??? I just don't have anyone to talk to today. I don't think it's guilt I'm feeling maybe not even sadness, more like disappointment in myself, sorrow for his family; he was one of my Marines how could I not have seen the signs. They were all there. When I heard the news it's like a light bulb in my head went on and all the dots of his Facebook posts connected and everything made sense. If anyone should have seen this it should have been the Sergeant with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. I guess I feel like I failed him. I'm not looking for any reassurance so please just don't, not today, I guess I just wanted to tell someone what I'm feeling because I have isolated myself so badly that there is no one around to listen anymore, and who knows, maybe I'm the next to find myself in this boat with no one to talk to and no options, hopeless and helpless just looking for a way out... I'm sorry for the rant, but thanks for listening...