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No therapy - conservative parents won’t allow, any options?

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by Roxie Blue, May 15, 2018.

  1. Roxie Blue

    Roxie Blue New Member

    Hello there,

    I live with extremely conservative parents who are convinced that when I was raped by my ex-boyfriend 2 years ago it was my fault, and refuse to let me go to therapy. Any options for someone who cannot go to therapy?
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  3. LuckiLee

    LuckiLee I'm a VIP

    Hi. Glad you found us. How old are you? If you're still in school, do you have a counselor to talk to?

    Good for you for reaching out. This is a great place for encouragement and support.
    Zoogal likes this.
  4. The Bat-Fax

    The Bat-Fax New Member

    I've found that talking on forums like this one help me. Reddit also has a number of good pages.

    Like Luckilee said, maybe talk to your counselor if you're in school yet.
    Zoogal likes this.
  5. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    Online support...
    Learn as many coping skills, grounding skills, and self care skills as you can...
    Many therapies can be learned by self-help books ie CBT, DBT, ACT, IFST, etc...

    Stay away from doing EMDR on your own, though. Ditto when it comes to exposure therapy when dealing with the trauma itself.

    Good luck!
    Zoogal likes this.
  6. DeanisBatman

    DeanisBatman New Member

    As everyone else has said, online therapy. I've also found online crisis chats helpful in the past for finding resources. RAINN is a good one. There are also places you can email and they have trained counselor responders who can be there and support you. One I've used in the past was the Samaritans org and they are really good listeners and supportive with helpful advice on coping.

    Forums like Pandora's Aquarium were also very helpful to me when I lived in areas with no therapy options.

    There are also apps like 7 cups where you can talk to people who are willing to be there and listen and be supportive at all hours for as long as you need.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2018
    Zoogal likes this.
  7. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

    I'm sorry your parents are treating you this way.
    DeanisBatman likes this.
  8. AliciaEff

    AliciaEff Active Member

    Echoing others, your age is of importance here (you don’t need to tell us your age, but keep in mind that it’s important). Have you been diagnosed with PTSD? If you have and your parents are refusing to bring you to treatment you could seek legal help. Of course that could be messy and I don’t know how your parents would respond, but there are options for you.

    If you live in Canada (or the US I think) you can be in charge of your own medical decisions at a relatively young age. You might be able to find free resources to take advantage of.

    Would you be comfortable lying to your parents? Tell them you joined a music club or something and use “band practice” time to see a therapist?

    I think if you can find a way to see a therapist in person just once so they can help you come up with a plan of action that would be the best option, but if that’s not possible because of your over bearing parents then online resources are a great place to start
  9. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    How old are you?

    If under 18...

    Firstly, because if you’re in the USA, in most states teens have the right to consent to outpatient mental healthcare (without their parent’s consent needed) but the age varies state by state. Only 6 states require parental approval. The rest are usually in the 13-16yo range.

    You can look at the following table and find out your state laws, below.

    If the table doesn’t load, it can be found on page 10 > https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4393016/#!po=29.6875

    That doesn’t mean your parents are obligated to pay for therapy, however. But services which support teens through rape, domestic violence, and other trauma often expect that. Either the services they offer are free (like through schools, teen-outpatient-programs in hospitals, charity outreach, victims services -through your local police or courts, but you don’t have to report the rape in order to be put in contact with victims services- sexual assault advocacy, religious groups. Boys&Girls Club, etc.) or they help teens apply for medical grants in order to access more traditional services.

    To be very clear, if you’re still a minor, I am NOT recommending that you lie to your parents, nor seek treatment behind their backs. Just because something is legal or legally protected, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do. It was legal for me to get my drivers license at 16. My parents disallowed that. I chose to respect their decision (I argued it, but obeyed), and found other ways to get to where I needed to go... that accomplished what both of us wanted (my going places for me, and my not driving there, for them).

    Some parents shouldn’t be trusted to raise goldfish, much less children. Others are fantastic people who deeply love their kids, but simply have different views. I’m not living your life, don’t have to live with the consequence of your decisions, don’t know you, don’t know your parents, and don’t know your relationship with them. So there is no way on earth that I can weigh in on what’s right for you & yournfamily. That’s a decision you’ll have to make yourself.

    I’m sharing the legal information with you because I don’t believe that ignorance leads to better decision making. Nor is somehow morally uphill.

    Also because those selfsame resources for teen therapy/medical care have other avenues of support outside of therapy :D


    If your parents aren’t open to your seeing a therapist for sexual assault, regardless of whether you seek therapy on your own or not, would either of them be willing to do family therapy WITH you?
    Last edited: May 17, 2018 at 5:16 AM
    Zoogal, somerandomguy and Sietz like this.
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