Taylormade73
New Here
Hi, I haven’t been here before but needed to get some things off my chest. I was physically, emotionally,spiritually,and sexually abused throughout my childhood and was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago along with anxiety and depression.
I’ve been seeing a therapist and I participate in a faith based recovery group every week. In therapy and in group I struggle to open up about the extent of the abuse, I’ve tried to just take it slow because every time I start talking about it I start to disassociate.
Tonight in group my group leader wanted to try something new so we went around the group one at a time and shared what we were thankful for... then later we went around the group and each shared our experience of when we knew we were a child of god.
I couldn’t speak at all, I just sat there feeling stupid wanting to share but not able to, my chest felt heavy and It was hard to catch my breath. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to open up about my faith, I tell myself that my relationship with god is private but at the same time I feel like I will never be able to form relationships and move forward in recovery if I can’t open up.
When I was a kid I was passed around a lot after both of my parents died. One of the families I lived with we’re really religious and we would have prayer meetings at our house every week. During the prayer meetings my foster mom would put me in a chair in the middle of the room. My foster dad would annoint me with oil, everyone would put their hands on me and start praying in tongues and my foster mom would interpret what they were saying. They told me That the devil was in me, and said that’s why I didn’t listen and why I argued or cried all the time. Basically everything I did that made my foster mom angry was because the devil was making me do it.
The truth was that she was beating me. Sometimes she would just start hitting me in the face, sometimes she would force me to take my clothes off and then whip me with a switch in the name of god. My foster dad was sexually abusing me and when I was eight he began having sex with me, afterwards he would make me pray with him for forgiveness. This went on from the age of 8-11 until I attempted suicide.
Although it was a long time ago I still think about it, especially when it comes to talking about my faith. I consider myself a baby Christian, I walked away from god many years ago but then came back after finally getting out of an abusive relationship 11 yrs ago. Anyway, that’s a lot about myself but if you have any feedback I would appreciate it.
I’ve been seeing a therapist and I participate in a faith based recovery group every week. In therapy and in group I struggle to open up about the extent of the abuse, I’ve tried to just take it slow because every time I start talking about it I start to disassociate.
Tonight in group my group leader wanted to try something new so we went around the group one at a time and shared what we were thankful for... then later we went around the group and each shared our experience of when we knew we were a child of god.
I couldn’t speak at all, I just sat there feeling stupid wanting to share but not able to, my chest felt heavy and It was hard to catch my breath. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to open up about my faith, I tell myself that my relationship with god is private but at the same time I feel like I will never be able to form relationships and move forward in recovery if I can’t open up.
When I was a kid I was passed around a lot after both of my parents died. One of the families I lived with we’re really religious and we would have prayer meetings at our house every week. During the prayer meetings my foster mom would put me in a chair in the middle of the room. My foster dad would annoint me with oil, everyone would put their hands on me and start praying in tongues and my foster mom would interpret what they were saying. They told me That the devil was in me, and said that’s why I didn’t listen and why I argued or cried all the time. Basically everything I did that made my foster mom angry was because the devil was making me do it.
The truth was that she was beating me. Sometimes she would just start hitting me in the face, sometimes she would force me to take my clothes off and then whip me with a switch in the name of god. My foster dad was sexually abusing me and when I was eight he began having sex with me, afterwards he would make me pray with him for forgiveness. This went on from the age of 8-11 until I attempted suicide.
Although it was a long time ago I still think about it, especially when it comes to talking about my faith. I consider myself a baby Christian, I walked away from god many years ago but then came back after finally getting out of an abusive relationship 11 yrs ago. Anyway, that’s a lot about myself but if you have any feedback I would appreciate it.
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