Sexual Assault Nobody Understands - Understanding the Severity of Childhood Rape

C

COCSAvictim

I went thru childhood sexual abuse at age 4. By 6-7 boys and it was in public. The one that called me, planned my rape out, put it almost inside me and I felt it (his penis). I told myself to laugh bcs I was embarrassed. For 10 years I had UTIs and kidney damage, was bullied most of my childhood because I cried and was traumatized, I had flashbacks for years, peed in my bed until 14yo, and my mom still can't understand how serious COCSA is. I still feel extremely traumatized by it, 17 years later. And I wish people would stop minimizing our pain. We were raped. I was raped.

R A P E D!

It doesn't matter that they were children or that they didn't have sp***.

Actually, I wish I was actually raped at some relatively older age instead of this, this is a topic nobody wants to address, how broken it makes the victim and how we are gaslighted because 'it wasn't that serious'

f*ck you and your ideas of rape

I felt it, I had consequences, I WAS raped.

I had to vent.
 
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I'm really sorry that you had to suffer at such a young age and I'm sorry that you're suffering now. I have never been able to tell my mom the extent of what happened to me and it's resulted in her not being gentle enough w my emotions when it comes to that sort of thing.

I sometimes think that too. That it would've been better if I was older when it happened. But it wouldn't at the same time bc it still happened.

I believe you and I know how serious it is. Even if you could barely remember it happening or it was over in 5 seconds. It still hurts and that pain is real. One of the reasons I haven't been able to come forward to my mom is because of the perception of rape. She once asked me if I had sex with him. That hurt me more than anything. How could that be called anything but rape?

I hope you're okay now and that this vent helped you. I want you to be happy in life even though you've struggled so much.
 
I went thru childhood sexual abuse at age 4. By 6-7 boys and it was in public. The one that called me, planned my rape out, put it almost inside me and I felt it (his penis). I told myself to laugh bcs I was embarrassed. For 10 years I had UTIs and kidney damage, was bullied most of my childhood because I cried and was traumatized, I had flashbacks for years, peed in my bed until 14yo, and my mom still can't understand how serious COCSA is. I still feel extremely traumatized by it, 17 years later. And I wish people would stop minimizing our pain. We were raped. I was raped.

R A P E D!

It doesn't matter that they were children or that they didn't have sp***.

Actually, I wish I was actually raped at some relatively older age instead of this, this is a topic nobody wants to address, how broken it makes the victim and how we are gaslighted because 'it wasn't that serious'

f*ck you and your ideas of rape

I felt it, I had consequences, I WAS raped.

I had to vent.
I'm so sorry your experience has been minimised... and that the lack of understanding around COCSA and the level of damage or causes exists even in this day in age... i ADMIRE SO MUCH your clarity in thinking and self knowledge about what happened to you... and that you don't let others perceptions cloud your own judgement of your definition of what happened to you... this takes bravery and strength... I'm still struggling with this (I'm 43 and am still trying to grapple the fact I was r*ped when I was 9, by a boy not so much older than me - i can't even define that with confidence.....but I think had there been better eduction, knowledge talking openly about these issues growing up, I could have felt more supported in understanding my experience as sexual assault rather than something I allowed to happen as a result of being inherently bad and disgusting...

Hope you feel better getting it out here?
 
I went thru childhood sexual abuse at age 4. By 6-7 boys and it was in public. The one that called me, planned my rape out, put it almost inside me and I felt it (his penis). I told myself to laugh bcs I was embarrassed. For 10 years I had UTIs and kidney damage, was bullied most of my childhood because I cried and was traumatized, I had flashbacks for years, peed in my bed until 14yo, and my mom still can't understand how serious COCSA is. I still feel extremely traumatized by it, 17 years later. And I wish people would stop minimizing our pain. We were raped. I was raped.

R A P E D!

It doesn't matter that they were children or that they didn't have sp***.

Actually, I wish I was actually raped at some relatively older age instead of this, this is a topic nobody wants to address, how broken it makes the victim and how we are gaslighted because 'it wasn't that serious'

f*ck you and your ideas of rape

I felt it, I had consequences, I WAS raped.

I had to vent.
I had to look up what COCSA stands for. I did not know my experience has a word for it. I didn't know there was a word for it! I didn't know other people have been through the same thing! This probably tells you how no one talks about it and how lonely you feel in such experiences. I'm sorry that you had to go through it. But don't please don't believe you're alone like I did. My experience was a bit different. It was a stranger so I have no clue whether they were old enough to have s****. I wish someone had talked to me about this. Warned me so that I wouldn't have to realise it all alone later in later and face consequences on my own for something I didn't even consent to. You can't tell me I never told anyone if I didn't even know what I went through was. I was told to get over it that it was just something people have to experience in my country. That it's common or something. It's annoying how experiences are minimised and there's a lack of basic empathy. You end up blaming yourself.
 
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