Sexual Assault Nobody understands

[COCSAvictim]

I went thru childhood sexual abuse at age 4. By 6-7 boys and it was in public. The one that called me, planned my rape out, put it almost inside me and I felt it (his penis). I told myself to laugh bcs I was embarrassed. For 10 years I had UTIs and kidney damage, was bullied most of my childhood because I cried and was traumatized, I had flashbacks for years, peed in my bed until 14yo, and my mom still can't understand how serious COCSA is. I still feel extremely traumatized by it, 17 years later. And I wish people would stop minimizing our pain. We were raped. I was raped.

R A P E D!

It doesn't matter that they were children or that they didn't have sp***.

Actually, I wish I was actually raped at some relatively older age instead of this, this is a topic nobody wants to address, how broken it makes the victim and how we are gaslighted because 'it wasn't that serious'

f*ck you and your ideas of rape

I felt it, I had consequences, I WAS raped.

I had to vent.

 

[Bland]

I'm really sorry that you had to suffer at such a young age and I'm sorry that you're suffering now. I have never been able to tell my mom the extent of what happened to me and it's resulted in her not being gentle enough w my emotions when it comes to that sort of thing.

I sometimes think that too. That it would've been better if I was older when it happened. But it wouldn't at the same time bc it still happened.

I believe you and I know how serious it is. Even if you could barely remember it happening or it was over in 5 seconds. It still hurts and that pain is real. One of the reasons I haven't been able to come forward to my mom is because of the perception of rape. She once asked me if I had sex with him. That hurt me more than anything. How could that be called anything but rape?

I hope you're okay now and that this vent helped you. I want you to be happy in life even though you've struggled so much.