InfiniteTangerine
New Here
Okay lets see if I can ask this in a way that makes sense.
I started dissociating around 7 or 8 during a set of traumatic experiences. My home life was pretty good and the incidents occurred outside the home so it wasn't super frequent. When I told my parents what happened they didn't believe me so that part of my childhood wasn't so great - but otherwise my childhood was safe and my needs met. After the incidents I dissociated at other points too, like if something scared me or triggered earlier memories. But it wasn't common and I can't remember it happening much after high school.
Flash forward to a couple years ago when I witnessed a traumatic event and BAM. The dissociation is back. It typically consists of sound being faint/silent, my vision getting foggy, and being unable to speak. Occasionally I'll feel outside my body (floating above) or not remember a small chunk of time (like lets say I get triggered at the mall, I might all the sudden find myself hiding in my car in the parking lot not knowing how I got there) but those are less frequent.
So now for my question...
Occasionally when I dissociate now I have what sounds like this other voice telling me what to do. I don't remember this as a child when I dissociated. It's like there's my regular voice and then this other voice that overpowers it. The other voice is kind of emotionless and commanding, it doesn't feel like me. An example would be a few nights ago my partner inquired about something related to the trauma, I could tell I was starting to dissociate so was trying to tell myself that I didn't need to and it was safe to talk to my partner. Then this commanding voice just said "you will not talk about this" and I tried to keep telling the voice that I could, but it was pointless. Then I went and completely zoned out. This voice doesn't happen often, and typically just tells me/argues with me not to talk about the traumatic incident. Occasionally it will also tell me something bad about myself (example: "you're disgusting" when starting to dissociate while looking in the mirror once).
Does this sound like more than just standard dissociation? I was reading signs of dissociation vs DID and the voice thing was listed under DID. I don't think I have other symptoms of DID (no child voices or alters or anything) and although I did dissociate as a child it was infrequent and I had a good home life. So can hearing a voice like that just occur? Is it something else entirely? I'm too embarrassed to ask my therapist about it, he's talked to me about dissociation but I'm always too embarrassed to ask more questions about it.
I started dissociating around 7 or 8 during a set of traumatic experiences. My home life was pretty good and the incidents occurred outside the home so it wasn't super frequent. When I told my parents what happened they didn't believe me so that part of my childhood wasn't so great - but otherwise my childhood was safe and my needs met. After the incidents I dissociated at other points too, like if something scared me or triggered earlier memories. But it wasn't common and I can't remember it happening much after high school.
Flash forward to a couple years ago when I witnessed a traumatic event and BAM. The dissociation is back. It typically consists of sound being faint/silent, my vision getting foggy, and being unable to speak. Occasionally I'll feel outside my body (floating above) or not remember a small chunk of time (like lets say I get triggered at the mall, I might all the sudden find myself hiding in my car in the parking lot not knowing how I got there) but those are less frequent.
So now for my question...
Occasionally when I dissociate now I have what sounds like this other voice telling me what to do. I don't remember this as a child when I dissociated. It's like there's my regular voice and then this other voice that overpowers it. The other voice is kind of emotionless and commanding, it doesn't feel like me. An example would be a few nights ago my partner inquired about something related to the trauma, I could tell I was starting to dissociate so was trying to tell myself that I didn't need to and it was safe to talk to my partner. Then this commanding voice just said "you will not talk about this" and I tried to keep telling the voice that I could, but it was pointless. Then I went and completely zoned out. This voice doesn't happen often, and typically just tells me/argues with me not to talk about the traumatic incident. Occasionally it will also tell me something bad about myself (example: "you're disgusting" when starting to dissociate while looking in the mirror once).
Does this sound like more than just standard dissociation? I was reading signs of dissociation vs DID and the voice thing was listed under DID. I don't think I have other symptoms of DID (no child voices or alters or anything) and although I did dissociate as a child it was infrequent and I had a good home life. So can hearing a voice like that just occur? Is it something else entirely? I'm too embarrassed to ask my therapist about it, he's talked to me about dissociation but I'm always too embarrassed to ask more questions about it.