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Not Getting Better - Stressed By Criminal Record

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AnnieMae

Policy Enforcement
Circumstances just keep getting worse. I had the perfect life until I was screwed over. I was told, by him, years later that it was because he was being vindictive. Now I have a criminal record that I can’t get rid of. I am so freaked out. I hate the way I feel, and I cannot handle stress anymore. My body feels like it’s in electric shock all the time. My ex pulled a gun on me, I called the police, and he lied. He lied!!! He attacked me and told me to shut up! I didn’t belong there, and that it was all my fault! I was charged with domestic violence. I still have nightmares, all my dreams went down the drain, and this weirdness....does not go away. I am not close to people anymore. I feel like the whole weight of the world is on my shoulder and he got away with everything. My life is so screwed and I can’t fix it. I keep falling and everyone wants to tell me it’s going to be ok, to move on. But what about when you can’t? You can’t have a criminal record removed. I checked, not eligible. Everything I do backfires in my face. The worst is the flipping that NEVER happened before this. I am so stressed because I have a criminal record. I am so sad and so confused and at this point, I know it will be this way for the rest of my life. I wanted better. I was doing well at work, had a nice car, a decent home. Now I am stuck. I can’t believe all of this. It’s awful. I don’t have many close relationships and my family ignores everything because they are tired of hearing it and they have their own families to tale care of. I am so screwed. I can’t fix this. And the nightmares are still happening along with the weirdness. I wish the weirdness would go away so I could at least have a normal life. That and the charges. I feel like God truly hates me because no matter what I do, I cannot change those circumstances.
 
I am truly sorry to hear that. Your ex sounds like a huge narcissist. Can't he go to jail for lying under perjury? My ex and mother are the biggest narcissists. Of course I must have attracted him like a fly to flypaper.
So you can't appeal it then? I hope you are safe from him now.
 
Unfortunately, I can’t appeal it. ? And I cant stop freaking out about it. It’s awful. I literally broke down to nothing and I am afraid to do anything. The worst thing is the emotions. The anxiety and the freaking out.
 
A criminal record is a huge barrier to a lot of things, no doubt. It stinks he lied and it all turned out this way. Right now, you may be getting a lot of rejections and running into a lot of walls. But it’s not the end of your story, it may not always be this way.

There is another way to look at it. Try searching out information for people who have been in prison for violent offenses worse than this conviction and built amazing careers afterwards. Is it super easy and common? No. But is it possible? For some, yeah.

Study how other people did it. For the most part, they accepted what happened and used it as a tool forward for change. They rejected the messages that “it will always be this way.”

Legally, it may not always be the case that you can’t get it sealed or expunged. A lot of states in the US are moving to pass laws to allow convictions to be sealed when before they could not be erased. In time, the laws of your area may change too. Even if they don’t ever change, that doesn’t mean you can’t still have an amazing life ahead.

Use this experience to fuel change. Focus on what you are struggling with now that is within your power to change and address: the PTSD symptoms.

If you keep telling yourself your life can’t ever change, well yeah, anyone would be freaked out. Begin to challenge that thinking. Will change be hard? Yes. Impossible? Maybe not.

Are there any programs in your area that help ex-offenders rebuild? Connecting to an agency that gets the battle to build a good life after a conviction, and really understands the barriers, might help. They may know of ways to rebuild and provide support.

Don’t give up. It’s not hopeless.
 
A criminal record is a huge barrier to a lot of things, no doubt. It stinks he lied and it all turned out this way. Right now, you may be getting a lot of rejections and running into a lot of walls. But it’s not the end of your story, it may not always be this way.

There is another way to look at it. Try searching out information for people who have been in prison for violent offenses worse than this conviction and built amazing careers afterwards. Is it super easy and common? No. But is it possible? For some, yeah.

Study how other people did it. For the most part, they accepted what happened and used it as a tool forward for change. They rejected the messages that “it will always be this way.”

Legally, it may not always be the case that you can’t get it sealed or expunged. A lot of states in the US are moving to pass laws to allow convictions to be sealed when before they could not be erased. In time, the laws of your area may change too. Even if they don’t ever change, that doesn’t mean you can’t still have an amazing life ahead.

Use this experience to fuel change. Focus on what you are struggling with now that is within your power to change and address: the PTSD symptoms.

If you keep telling yourself your life can’t ever change, well yeah, anyone would be freaked out. Begin to challenge that thinking. Will change be hard? Yes. Impossible? Maybe not.

Are there any programs in your area that help ex-offenders rebuild? Connecting to an agency that gets the battle to build a good life after a conviction, and really understands the barriers, might help. They may know of ways to rebuild and provide support.

Don’t give up. It’s not hopeless.

I have a good job, I am just not happy there anymore. Which sucks because it is a good company. I try so hard for things and feel like I am just used. Everything has changed so much. I am looking into a few other things, but not sure how those will pan out. With everything that happened, I literally lost my mind. It sucked. I made bad, awful decisions believing that my ex would help me because he started talking to me when he wasn’t supposed to. That caused more stress. I was in such a good place at work to move up before all this happened, but it just blew up in my face. Just like almost everything does. I know that sounds SOOO negative, but I literally applied for a different position at work, but didn’t get the job. When I asked why I wasn’t qualified, I was told, it isn’t that I am not qualified, it’s that I’m not what they were looking for. Then I applied to a leadership program and was not accepted to that. I was told that it seemed like I didn’t want it, but I was just outside of the cutoff. I struggle A LOT with people after this. I don’t know how to trust people that I didn’t know before all this happened.

Oh, and @Justmehere, thank you for the words of encouragement.
 
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