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Not Missing Someone - Problem From PTSD?

Discussion in 'General' started by dazednconfused, Dec 12, 2006.

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  1. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

    Okay, I know you are all probably tired of hearing from me, but my hubby came over today to fix something for my son and although I tried to avoid any talking with him, he had to speak to me.

    Anyway, my question is this, Could the person with PTSD really hide their true feelings for a person or mask them? He told me that he feels bad that he does not miss me since our separation and that he knows what this is doing to me. I told him that I am getting to where I really don't miss him that much either. Of course he tells me that, that is not true. He then tells me to not look at him so sweetly, because that makes it worse for him and drives his anxiety level up. He wanted to talk and then blamed me for him wanting to talk.

    He finally admitted that he does not know why he feels the way he does and I encouraged him to come here to the website, but of course as Anthony said it would be, he said he did not want to come and talk to any "fruitloops" on the internet. I think you guys are right, he is still in denial.

    He has convinced himself that if he had stayed with me and our son in our household that he would have been dead in 2 years. I don't know about that, really nobody does, but like I have told him, I am going on with my life and try to do the best that I can. He acts like he wants me to do this, but then on the other hand he does not want me to do this. I told him that I hope things improve for him and that I will be praying for him. I don't tell him that I love him anymore, because he says that "sets him on edge" and right now, I really like I told him don't feel much except pain and anger towards him and it is just better that we do not talk as I am always to blame no matter what before it is over with.

    I know I am not invited on his journey and I want to give him space, but even though he asks for the space, he does not want to give me my space either and I think wants to know that I am there waiting for him as he says things like "divorce is not permanent", "we could get back together after I iron out my problems". "I just need this divorce for boundaries right now".

    I am going to have to have my boundaries too and I know it and he is not going to like it I guess, but as you have all told me and it has taken awhile to understand this, that until he really decides to get help, it will only get worse and I basically I guess just have to watch him hit rock bottom and hope that he comes back up out of it.

    He told me today that he knows that I probably am the best thing that ever happened to him and he is just too stupid to understand it right now. He keeps looking deep into my eyes and stuff when we are talking like he wishes the could feel differently, but he can't and he just does not know how to feel and I of course cannot understand as easily, because although I understand what it is like to be abused, I never had the PTSD symptoms as he has now.

    Thanks for listening and if you had similar feelings when going through the first part of this, please let me know. I would appreciate it.

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  3. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    I have PTSD and from my experience...that while suffering the state of confusion, anxiety / depression, and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness...I could very easily and beyond my control hide my true feelings from another, especially those I love the most. And in so doing, I'd believe my thinking and what I was communicating, whether or not it was for real. But what happens with me is that my confusion and delusion passes within a couple days, maybe a week at the longest. And, it passes even quicker, like within a day if I take a PRN of my prescribed medication. I have had it all go on much longer than a week...I've even existed in this condition before, but it has all greatly improved with the acceptance of my PTSD and coping strategies and tools.
  4. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    I know I tend to push people away because I feel like I'm not worth it and that they are only going to hurt me anyway.

    Acceptance does help. PTSD is one of these things that you have to accept is a part of your life before you can really heal.

    Sometimes, most times, that means hitting the wall and having no choice but to accept it.
  5. Boo-Damphir

    Boo-Damphir Active Member

    Hey Dazed, I really like how you talk about forming your own boundaries in this relationship too.

    The unstable mindset of your husband is pretty normal, even without PTSD. Breaking off a relationship especially with kids involved is never easy. He's definitly doubting his decision and maybe even wanting you to be the "bad guy" and take more of an active role in the breakup. This kind of lets him off the hook and he can mope about telling himself "you broke it off with him."

    You may want to do some internet research on co-dependency and see if any of that helps the way you view the situation.

    :thumbs-up Boo
  6. dazednconfused

    dazednconfused Active Member

    thanks again you guys...

    I will check out the co-dependancy thing. I am so glad to have you all to help me through this.

  7. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Dazed, you are grasping and you know it. Your all over the place with this looking for any excuse you can find. You have posted many, many threads about this, all with a twist. If he doesn't want to come back, he doesn't want to come back. You are just going have to accept that. Not for now, or for later, or maybe the PTSD means he doesn't know what he wants, or his pysch is nuts, or it's the meds, or it's your co-dependency that you think you might have, or or or.... These are just excuses. A lot of them. Time to pull up your big-girl panties and deal with it. You have waffled from being REALLY nasty about his PTSD and his needs to ignoring it, to using it as an excuse. Pick up a mirror and get HONEST with yourself. PTSD is not an excuse, nor an excuse for you to put everything everywhere else. I have no idea what your marriage issues really are but you need to start getting real with yourself. You are only hurting yourself and wasting your time by refusing to see the truth for what it is and making excuses for your lack of courage.

  8. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Honestly, I know I am supposed to read every thread for moderation... but I have avoided this one until I was requested to look at it. I got caught sleeping on the job. But I did not open it for this very reason as I just got tired of reading about over and over and what every new spin it seems to take. I mean the spouses can probably help you a lot more as far as relating.

    I have to really agree with Bec's posts, I mean it is accurate even if she did not sugar coat it, but with PTSD we aren't the fastest to sugar coat things when it starts to get like this.
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