Not Ok

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I have no support. I'm really depressed, and in that place where everything just makes me angry or makes me wish I were dead. I hate this life, I hate this world, and I am getting by day-to-day only because I don't have the courage to leave.
 

osiris

MyPTSD Pro
Are you currently safe?

I don’t know which country you are in, (and I know that help lines can have wider implications in some places), but if it’s possible could you try calling one of them to talk to someone?
 

Sideways

Moderator
Sorry that you're having such a hard time at the moment. Has there been any changes to your medications recently (even non-psychotropic stuff - because man, the pill can really screw up my mood big time)?

If not, perhaps that's something to consider?
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
Are you currently safe?

I don’t know which country you are in, (and I know that help lines can have wider implications in some places), but if it’s possible could you try calling one of them to talk to someone?
Thanks, yeah...I'm safe. At least in the sense that I'm not planning to kill myself.

Sorry that you're having such a hard time at the moment. Has there been any changes to your medications recently (even non-psychotropic stuff - because man, the pill can really screw up my mood big time)?

If not, perhaps that's something to consider?
Not on any psychotropics, and no...my other meds haven't changed any. Wish it were that...
 

Sideways

Moderator
Not on any psychotropics
At the risk of saying the exact wrong thing, maybe it's time to reconsider? I mean, I had to try a bucketload of meds before landing with my current combo. But with the genetic testing now, that search for the right meds with limited side effects could be a lot quicker.

Fwiw? There have been long periods where I stayed alive on the blind faith that "Depression is an illness, and it's cyclical, it does get better" must be true, despite my brain telling me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't getting better, and hadn't been for years.

It is true. It will get better. I know the immense strength it can take to stare down yet another day. But, that does pass. You will get to the point where life is worth being around for. Life really is worth it, even though that definitely doesn't seem true right now.

We're here with you. If nothing else, we do hear you, and we're with you every day.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
I'm really depressed, and in that place
Seems good that you can name the depression and recognize a place you have been before. What worked for you in the past when you were in that place? What have you not yet tried but maybe considered at some point?
I have no support.
This site is a significant source of support, yeah? And for SI the crisis line is a source of support for me.

Sorry you are in the grinder. Some of my lowest moments have been lifted up by encountering nature, particularly birds.
 
I think it takes more courage to stay than to go @whiteraven , so I hope you give yourself credit there.

I've been trying to look for beauty. Funny, I looked at a little tree, thought, it's beautiful. But it was (is) spindly, small, has a broken branch, it's asymmetrical and looks like it's been through the wringer. But there it is, right near where it gets assaulted by traffic, road salt and plows, and the elements. Despite it also is against a north wind it's nearly straight. I thought- a Charlie Brown tree. Then I realized it's kind of like me. A minor miracle it's still standing, really. Then I saw a meteor, or a shooting star 10 minutes later (I don't know which because I've never seen either.)

Walk, and look for beauty. (It might take a while to find some). Maybe with a name like Whiteraven look to the sky. And please hang in there, and give yourself permission to rest also. 🫂
 
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