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Not Sure I Can Take Another Year Of PTSD And Depression

Discussion in 'Depression & Suicidality' started by canucklady, Dec 31, 2006.

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  1. canucklady

    canucklady Active Member

    Well here we are again, end of a year. Last year I was so hopeful that by this time I would be feeling better and would have worked through my problems. Instead what do I get? More memories, flashbacks, nightmares. I ask myself when does it stop? I am not feeling very hopeful this year at all. I face another year of T, which I might be able to afford and sadness. Not sure I can take it. I really thought this year I would get over this, feeling stuck I guess in my recovery.
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    CL, you cannot put a timeline on when it will feel better, and remember the ups come with the downs. You are putting added stress on yourself just by saying or thinking I will be better by a set time. Don't do that, just take it a day at a time. You will get to a better place.
  4. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    CL, there is a vast difference between healing with a therapist, and really healing. What you have done with a therapist already, is nothing compared to what you need to do in order to heal. Your scratching at surfaces, not digging deep. If you dug really deep, you would be a total mess right now, just like some others you hear here that do so, and they feel what pain is all about.

    You have a choice, you can stop stuffing about and really get into smacking the crap out of your trauma head on, or you can continue throwing money away to a therapist to scratch away at you for another year, with little to no results by 2008. It is a choice, and you control that choice.

    You see, you will put up with it anyway, because I certainly don't see you as suicidal at the moment, which means its just depression talking. When you get to a choice in your life, heal or die, then you might realise that you have a lot of hard work ahead of you, and there is only one way through it... head on. When your ready to do it CL, there is more than enough off us here now to help you to it.

    How about a 2007 new years resolution, stop stuffing about and grab your trauma by the horns and kick the hell out of it? That is what I would really love to see from you, because it means by the end of 2007 your going to be a completely different person, a new you... the way your going, there is going to be no change. Harsh, but honest.
  5. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    i once felt the same, cl, also at the one year mark, i just finally decided i was going to get better if it takes 10yrs or whatever, what is the alternative? i got so tired of being miserable and making my husband miserable worrying, and anthony, um...encouraged me to make up my mind to get better, and do it. sounds too simple? i know, but i really think it is working. hang in there, you can't win by surrender, you have to fight.
  6. Istari

    Istari New Member

    I don't really know what I can sasy other thatn encourage you to hang on in. I take herbs (St John's Wort & liqurice amongst others) to stave off the depression and I find it does work.

    One thing I learnt from my therapist, depression is part of PTSD, and PTSD is there ad infanitum, it's just a case of working each day at a time, and each hour at a time and each minute at a time.

    Good wishes and peace to you.

  7. Scott_Fraser

    Scott_Fraser Well-Known Member

    Hello Lass.
    Just keep in there lass. You have come this far, just keep yourself on the go. Treat everyday as if you are going to have a good day. Everyday say to yourself, I've done it another day without any problems.
    Try relaxation or something that you really enjoy, maybe going for a coffee with friends or a night at the Pub with your friends as well.
    We are all in the same position as you are my friend.
    Good Luck this year.
  8. mac

    mac Active Member

    Not Sure I Can Take Another Year of PTSD and Depression

    i know exactly what u mean...
  9. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    My short answer; if everyone pushed themselves hard this year, pulled themselves apart leaving nothing unturned, there would not be this discussion with any person currently her at the end of 2007. The only thing said, would be all the positives each and every person has found from healing themselves, looking forward to all the great things they now see.
  10. RosieNorth

    RosieNorth Active Member

    "you can stop stuffing about and really get into smacking the crap out of your trauma head on" I've got to know, what does this mean exactly? In practical terms.
    For the last year I've been seeing a therapist and last week she ended my sessions. (I can't really complain because it's free) We gave each other a nice gift and she said that if I felt bad again, or wanted to get involved in a relationship I should call her first so that I don't end up with another abuser.
    It's true that although she did help me from going off the deep end at times, it was just scratching the surface of my traumas. A few days before my last session I had a flashback while walking down the street- small glimpse of the most horrifying trauma that happened and which I have never remembered before. So how does one smack the crap out of traumas, especially when they go in and out of memory?
  11. nonabug5

    nonabug5 Member

    I, too, can relate to your frustration. At times the emotional turmoil eats at me like an acid that I can not escape from. I have tried not to think of my depression and flashbacks in a concept of time. If I had known 10 years ago that I would still be struggling, I would never have been able to survive the thought of this painful journey.

    Try not to think about how long it takes to feel better, just let each day come one at a time and focus only on getting through that one day. Time will not stop for any of us and we only stress ourselves out more when we think of how long we have been or might be dealing with our trauma. Focus on the moment you are in now if you can not focus on the day. Healing is a slow process and happens one moment at a time, so give yourself the permission and right you have and need to take every day one moment, one minute at a time. Those minutes will turn to hours and days and soon you will realize that you have actually survived that time instead of thinking you are doomed for years in the future. Try to alter the way you look at it to avoid the feeling of dread and doom. it really does help to make it through when you stop thinking about tomorrow and concentrate on today.

    I simply want to remember what I did this morning. I beg God to stop flashbacks so horrible that I urinate on myself as I huddle in a ball, only to remember fragments of what started the anxiety in the first place.

    It puts a damper, pardon the pun, on risking going out in public when you are afraid of
    wetting yourself because you zone out in a flashback. Quite humiliating. At times, I think it is best not to ask what happened , or what I did during the FB, because I simply don't think I can deal with the stress of knowing how I responded to real or peceived danger. Wet pants is a good indicator that I should not push for more information. It is just too much to handle sometimes, so I prefer to not know. That might be sticking my head in the sand, but I have decided that it is okay if I don't know what I did in a flashback because I could not change it anyway. Today, I may not leave my room and that is okay,- but I will deal with tomorrow when it gets here, and only to the extent that I feel safe enough to do so. Remember that it is okay for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
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