I was diagnosed with PTSD in my teenage years, and am looking for a way to start moving forward. I've struggled with abuse for years, and it wore away so much of myself I don't even feel like a person anymore.
I feel crushed. I'm constantly reminded of the past through little things, and it spirals me into memories of what happened and crippling anxiety attacks. My partner is toxic as well and is constantly demeaning me for suffering with this.
I have a small child (8 months old) and I want to give her a better life, I don't want her to know about anything that's happened in my past or hear the things still said about me by family and my partner.
I'm still forced to see family infrequently due to the stress in my own household, when I need to take my daughter out of a fight..
Which in the end causes even more stress because the parent who abused me has some issues with reality, she coddles my daughter and calls herself "mom" to her, private and in public. She is disrespectful to me and my nuclear family, and either disregards or gets wildly upset when I tell her that it is not acceptable.
I'm trying to save for a car, so at the moment I have no means of transportation other than paying for public transportation or relying on said parents or my partners friends. My partner gets too jealous of anyone I talk to for me to socialize with anyone else.
I desperately want to get a job, but that requires leaving my child at home with her father which I feel is potentially unsafe, and he threatens to kick both of us out if I mention daycare, because he doesn't think it's a good idea or that it's unnecessary.
I do have an apartment under section 8 that is in a town close by, that I keep because of my current situation.
I know the answer seems obvious, to leave with my daughter and start working in this other town, but I feel like maybe I'm the reason all this drama is happening. I feel like I'm making a mistake and just being overdramatic or paranoid or just reacting because of the past and making little things seem like a horrible thing.
My parents got me taken out of their custody when I was younger because of the abuse, and my partner was previously convicted for a domestic with me.. So I know it's not just in my head.
But other people talk about their relationships and it seems like domestic issues are just so common, and my partner says it was my fault, I over reacted and getting the cops involved was unnecessary.
I don't know how to move on for me and my child and I don't know how to let go of the past. This worry, anxiety, EVERYTHING is so oppressive. Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward? How to know if it's all in my head and I really am crazy and am the problem, or if it's possible my perception of conflict is too heavily altered by the past?
I had years of therapy when I was younger because of how much the past had taken out of me, but nothing seemed to help.
Thanks for any replies..
I feel crushed. I'm constantly reminded of the past through little things, and it spirals me into memories of what happened and crippling anxiety attacks. My partner is toxic as well and is constantly demeaning me for suffering with this.
I have a small child (8 months old) and I want to give her a better life, I don't want her to know about anything that's happened in my past or hear the things still said about me by family and my partner.
I'm still forced to see family infrequently due to the stress in my own household, when I need to take my daughter out of a fight..
Which in the end causes even more stress because the parent who abused me has some issues with reality, she coddles my daughter and calls herself "mom" to her, private and in public. She is disrespectful to me and my nuclear family, and either disregards or gets wildly upset when I tell her that it is not acceptable.
I'm trying to save for a car, so at the moment I have no means of transportation other than paying for public transportation or relying on said parents or my partners friends. My partner gets too jealous of anyone I talk to for me to socialize with anyone else.
I desperately want to get a job, but that requires leaving my child at home with her father which I feel is potentially unsafe, and he threatens to kick both of us out if I mention daycare, because he doesn't think it's a good idea or that it's unnecessary.
I do have an apartment under section 8 that is in a town close by, that I keep because of my current situation.
I know the answer seems obvious, to leave with my daughter and start working in this other town, but I feel like maybe I'm the reason all this drama is happening. I feel like I'm making a mistake and just being overdramatic or paranoid or just reacting because of the past and making little things seem like a horrible thing.
My parents got me taken out of their custody when I was younger because of the abuse, and my partner was previously convicted for a domestic with me.. So I know it's not just in my head.
But other people talk about their relationships and it seems like domestic issues are just so common, and my partner says it was my fault, I over reacted and getting the cops involved was unnecessary.
I don't know how to move on for me and my child and I don't know how to let go of the past. This worry, anxiety, EVERYTHING is so oppressive. Does anyone have any advice on how to move forward? How to know if it's all in my head and I really am crazy and am the problem, or if it's possible my perception of conflict is too heavily altered by the past?
I had years of therapy when I was younger because of how much the past had taken out of me, but nothing seemed to help.
Thanks for any replies..