Undiagnosed Not sure what's going on with me

xycri

New Here
I'm in my early 20s (not getting more specific here out of worry my parents might come across this), still living with my parents. I don't want to say for sure I might have C-PTSD, but the symptoms show pretty strongly, and all the resources I've seen on it have made me feel like it applies to me, and having it all in mind has helped me get some clarity on things.

I was never physically or sexually abused, that's the main thing I've run into with trying to figure this out. Pretty much everything I see about people with C-PTSD from childhood trauma is from people having been physically/sexually abused (no shade, only an observation. nothing but respect here), but I never was, unless being spanked (not very hard or many times) on rare occasion as punishment is enough for that.
I was emotionally neglected, unintentionally physically neglected, unintentionally socially isolated (homeschooled only-child, rare outside-the-house activities aside from visiting family or going to town for groceries), and I think the way I was treated at times may have been verbal and/or emotional abuse to some extent.
None of it was on purpose to my knowledge, and while I know that has no bearing on how much it hurt at the time, it does make it harder to accept that it was traumatic.

Present day, I have a lot of emotional issues. I have a hard time managing my anger; if I get frustrated at all, I'll lash out, put things down forcefully, kick things, get verbally aggressive with people. I don't like it, but I don't know how to deal with it. I also have a hard time accessing feelings other than anger or frustration. I know they're there, but I can't feel them even if I try. It's like I'm looking at them through a thick glass wall. I also dissociate, never feel truly present, and when I do it's usually too distressing to come back into my own body. I feel... gross. Like I can't live with my outside self, so I have to be a different person in my head than the person that is my body. I also have a near-daily urge to cut off all contact with other people out of fear they'll just reject me eventually after getting to know me better, or that I'll upset them or make them uncomfortable or hurt them... it just feels like it'd be less painful if I just stopped interacting with people at all.

I'm hoping that being here will help me figure things out, come to terms with it. Hopefully heal. I know that having counseling every other week for an hour... isn't actually doing a lot for me aside from having somewhere else to vent. And even if it isn't C-PTSD, it seems like whatever I'm going through is similar enough that I could get some benefit from being here.
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
I'm in my early 20s (not getting more specific here out of worry my parents might come across this), still living with my parents. I don't want to say for sure I might have C-PTSD, but the symptoms show pretty strongly, and all the resources I've seen on it have made me feel like it applies to me, and having it all in mind has helped me get some clarity on things.

I was never physically or sexually abused, that's the main thing I've run into with trying to figure this out. Pretty much everything I see about people with C-PTSD from childhood trauma is from people having been physically/sexually abused (no shade, only an observation. nothing but respect here), but I never was, unless being spanked (not very hard or many times) on rare occasion as punishment is enough for that.
I was emotionally neglected, unintentionally physically neglected, unintentionally socially isolated (homeschooled only-child, rare outside-the-house activities aside from visiting family or going to town for groceries), and I think the way I was treated at times may have been verbal and/or emotional abuse to some extent.
None of it was on purpose to my knowledge, and while I know that has no bearing on how much it hurt at the time, it does make it harder to accept that it was traumatic.

Present day, I have a lot of emotional issues. I have a hard time managing my anger; if I get frustrated at all, I'll lash out, put things down forcefully, kick things, get verbally aggressive with people. I don't like it, but I don't know how to deal with it. I also have a hard time accessing feelings other than anger or frustration. I know they're there, but I can't feel them even if I try. It's like I'm looking at them through a thick glass wall. I also dissociate, never feel truly present, and when I do it's usually too distressing to come back into my own body. I feel... gross. Like I can't live with my outside self, so I have to be a different person in my head than the person that is my body. I also have a near-daily urge to cut off all contact with other people out of fear they'll just reject me eventually after getting to know me better, or that I'll upset them or make them uncomfortable or hurt them... it just feels like it'd be less painful if I just stopped interacting with people at all.

I'm hoping that being here will help me figure things out, come to terms with it. Hopefully heal. I know that having counseling every other week for an hour... isn't actually doing a lot for me aside from having somewhere else to vent. And even if it isn't C-PTSD, it seems like whatever I'm going through is similar enough that I could get some benefit from being here.
Welcome!

Very glad you are here. Sounds like your childhood treatment did some things to you. You don't have to check certain boxes to have been harmed, as there are many ways for abuse to occur.

Please take care.
 
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