Not sure where to post this, really bad week

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Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
I am not sure where I should post this. I’m having a really tough week. I know I had posted earlier about boundaries and stuff but my life decided to be even more fun and throw me a few more curveballs. My medical stuff is still up in the air, I now have to wait a month to see an orthopedic surgeon but the silver lining there is I don’t have to have another spine surgery. Just have to deal w pain and numbness until then.

While I was waiting for the doctor yesterday my aunt called me to inform me my other Aunt’s health took a turn for the worst and they only expect her to live 1-2 weeks. She had just gone to the hospital for dehydration and now they’re saying her cancer spread and organs are shutting down. This time of year is difficult for me bc 10 years ago my own mom was in hospice and dying and this is triggering a lot of memories and feelings that I’ve shut away. And she’s my favorite aunt. Today I found out her husband, my uncle, was found on the ground by my cousin and he’s in the hospital with liver and kidney failure. There’s some family drama there but I won’t go into that. My aunt was like my second mom for awhile after my own mom passed and it is like losing my mom all over again. It’s like I’m 22 again. I feel lost and aimless and I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve experienced a lot of deaths in my family and I can be pretty stoic but this and my mom’s I can’t be and I don’t really know how to deal w these emotions. Man, I just really don’t know what to do right now.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry for your loss. This must be so overwhelming! I just got through a bad time by giving myself lots of rest breaks, being alone in my room reading or coloring (I know that sounds weird), or just meditating. I hope you keep us posted on how you are doing.
 

JadesJewel

Policy Enforcement
So sad to hear that your favorite aunt passed away @Kopycat. Her being like your second mom and all...please take good care of you...this too will be very difficult for your uncle (her husband) to deal with along with his kidney and liver failure. I so understand about the family drama and so honor that you don't wish to talk about it. My family of origin was a running insane asylum/soap opera. I am here for you...if you need anything...just message me! Sending more hugs!:hug:
 

Xena

Policy Enforcement
Hi @Kopykat... I'm so sorry for your loss. Grief is one of the hardest things anyone experiences.....

Time is a great healer but it's going to be tough for awhile.... Sorry.. All of these things happening.. No wonder you feel lost.

I hope you have good people around you who can support you and give you big hugs... If not all of us on here will. Please take care of yourself....
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
I am so very sorry that these things are happening all at once it seems and that you are so burdened and overloaded right now. Praying for you to be able to work through this awful grief and that you would remember to eat food. Standing with you in support to get you through this terrible time in your life.:hug:
 

Kopykat

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you all for your kind words. Today has been one of the longest days and one of the most emotional that I’ve felt in a long time. There’s a lot of family anger and drama already starting so I’m not sure how the rest of this week is going to play out, hopefully no physical fights (seriously).

My aunt had just the right amount of “I don’t give a shit” attitude, loved dancing, music, shopping, we got tattoos together in a basement which was probably a bad set up but seemed like a good idea at the time, she got a memorial for my mom and I got music notes. She was a hair stylist and supported me through my rainbow hair days and gave me advice that usually ended with “screw ‘em, you’ll be fine”. She was never surprised by any crazy story you told her bc she probably had done it too.

One of my favorite stories of her and my mom was one year for Easter my aunt was hosting for the first time and asked me and my mom to come over early to help out. My aunt had bought a new kitchen aid stand mixer and was mixing what I’m assuming was supposed to be mashed potatoes and my mom jammed a spoon into the running mixer and hot potatoes flew everywhere. And that’s when I realized neither of them should be in the kitchen.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this type of grief or even felt this depth of feelings as I try to usually shut them down. Part of me wants to sleep forever and part of me doesn’t want to go to sleep bc I’ll have to wake up and face the reality that she’s gone.

Thank you again everyone for your support.
 
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