Earlier this afternoon my oldest daughter called me at work to complain that she had cramps (PMS) and that her back hurts (she stands on her feet all day at work). She then asked me if I thought it was serious because she didn't feel like dying at the cash register. While I knew that she was joking, I still felt an instant spike in my anxiety, my heart rate went up and it took me a couple of hours to get myself settled down. When I got home this evening, I took her to the side and, without making a big deal out of it, told her that even when she jokes about things like that that it's one of my triggers and it causes me emotional pain. I also asked her to refrain from saying things like that around me. I figured if I spoke to her in a calm, rational, adult way that there wouldn't be a problem. My lovely, loving daughter proceeds to tell me that, while she knows what happened in the past is affecting me now, she will not change the way she speaks or acts for anybody. Myself included. It felt like 'Yeah mom-I know it hurts you when I say things like that...but tough shit on you.' Blown away doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I honestly can't put words to the emotions that are swirling around my head right now. There's just too many right now to sort out. Although one does stand out...she's working on finding an apartment with a friend-and I'll be glad when she moves out. If that makes me the worst mother in the world...so be it. Tonight I really don't f*cking care.