Nothing's stirring not even a mouse. Well and maybe some anxiety

Weezley

Learning
I've been off of work on medical now for a month already. I should be feeling better because I have been able to focus on my mental health but it seams like all I've managed to do is push stuff off at an alarming rate. Between the new meds they put me on and the supplements I take to help with the anxioty I find my self being able to sleep 16+ hours a day. So I start doing what any rational person would do. Try to find what's making me so tired and maybe cutback on it. Well all that's done is make me anxious and irritable.

It's weird I start to see little glimpses of the man I really am. It's right between the times I'm falling asleep standing up and right before anxioty starts to creep in. It's alittle discouraging to say the least. I can see the frustration building in my fiancee. She says nothing's wrong but I know it's starting to wear on her. But really who can blame her. I know it's not easy and she didn't sign up for any of this. Then I really start to think. Is this really what life's going to be like from now on. I stumble around for the first couple of hours till I hit the sweet spot of thc and black tea. Then have to rush to get as much stuff done before I fall flat on my face again.

I know I could have it alot worse than I do. I'm greatful for ever breath I take but I feel like I'm dragging the ones I love down in the process. Even as everyone sleeps I just feel like getting dressed and just walking as far as I can. The thing stopping me is I don't want to cause anyone to panic and start searching for me.

Is this normal to feel like this when first starting this journey of recovery? Just massive ups and downs threw out the day till everything balances out? Or am i missing something here? If you've made it this far into my rambling thank for sticking it out. Its just hard to put my thoughts together in a coherent manner when my anxioty gets like this.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Weezley , welcome!
I'm sorry it is so hard right now.

I don't have words of wisdom, but just to say it won't always be like this. Things can and do get better. Finding a way to be kind to yourself, and allow yourself time to heal, helps.

I understand the worry about your partner and what she signed up to in a relationship. I worry about that with my partner too. But, life through a all sorts of curve balls and whilst she is supporting you at the moment, I'm sure there will be times where you have supported her or will support her through something challenging. Trust in the love you have for each other.
It won't always be like this.
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
Is this normal to feel like this when first starting this journey of recovery? Just massive ups and downs threw out the day till everything balances out? Or am i missing something here? If you've made it this far into my rambling thank for sticking it out. Its just hard to put my thoughts together in a coherent manner when my anxioty gets like this.
Yes. Unfortunately, what you have described here is probably pretty normal in the beginning. At least that is what I went through and what I have heard about often.

Though, you may also be taking the wrong meds which is pretty common in the early days, too. I found that I did better on anxiety pills that were shorter-acting that I would take 2-3 times a day than on pills that I would just take once. I would sleep too much on most things that were taken once a day. However, a lot of meds take a while to level out in the system, too, so it may be too soon to tell how things are going to be for you on the meds you are on.

I wish I had good news to report but the early days are hard. I have GAD in addition to trauma and found that I could only work part-time and take psych meds. After a while, I stopped taking them, altogether, not because I was well but because the side effects were more than I could handle. But making that choice meant major lifestyle changes because I could not tolerate the stress I could handle on pills. That meant that my previous employment was off the table, I would avoid large groups of people, etc. Over a damned long haul, I am currently functional (but still have symptoms) with a gabapentin RX which was prescribed for pain but does lower my anxiety a little. I feel that over the years (and there have been many), my brain has actually healed and changed A LOT, but it was not fast. But, I also have a LONG history of serious complex trauma, so I may have taken a lot longer to feel functional than you would need.

Have you tried any non-medical things for anxiety, like a weighted lap pad, for instance? I use one and it works well for me. Getting plenty of exercise is also very helpful. Of course, there is calming music, doing things like drawing, meditating, and playing an instrument, which can also be beneficial.

Obviously, bringing up your concerns to your doctor would be wise. That is a lot to sleep, but a lot of docs will find it to be a better alternative than severe anxiety. You have a right to feel differently but doctors aren't always quick to be concerned about day-to-day functioning if they think your mental health symptoms are serious enough to warrant the use and effects of the meds you are already on.
 

Weezley

Learning
Yes. Unfortunately, what you have described here is probably pretty normal in the beginning. At least that is what I went through and what I have heard about often.

Though, you may also be taking the wrong meds which is pretty common in the early days, too. I found that I did better on anxiety pills that were shorter-acting that I would take 2-3 times a day than on pills that I would just take once. I would sleep too much on most things that were taken once a day. However, a lot of meds take a while to level out in the system, too, so it may be too soon to tell how things are going to be for you on the meds you are on.

I wish I had good news to report but the early days are hard. I have GAD in addition to trauma and found that I could only work part-time and take psych meds. After a while, I stopped taking them, altogether, not because I was well but because the side effects were more than I could handle. But making that choice meant major lifestyle changes because I could not tolerate the stress I could handle on pills. That meant that my previous employment was off the table, I would avoid large groups of people, etc. Over a damned long haul, I am currently functional (but still have symptoms) with a gabapentin RX which was prescribed for pain but does lower my anxiety a little. I feel that over the years (and there have been many), my brain has actually healed and changed A LOT, but it was not fast. But, I also have a LONG history of serious complex trauma, so I may have taken a lot longer to feel functional than you would need.

Have you tried any non-medical things for anxiety, like a weighted lap pad, for instance? I use one and it works well for me. Getting plenty of exercise is also very helpful. Of course, there is calming music, doing things like drawing, meditating, and playing an instrument, which can also be beneficial.

Obviously, bringing up your concerns to your doctor would be wise. That is a lot to sleep, but a lot of docs will find it to be a better alternative than severe anxiety. You have a right to feel differently but doctors aren't always quick to be concerned about day-to-day functioning if they think your mental health symptoms are serious enough to warrant the use and effects of the meds you are already on.
Sorry I didn't mean to leave you hanging. I realized I was slipping back into my old habits of over thinking and wasn't keeping up with my daily regiments so I just spent the last couple of days getting my self back on track and just taking every day one step at a time.

They have me on a med that's taken twice a day. It's finally starting to mellow out so I'm not sleeping nearly as much as I was before but I definitely am feeling better.

I know sitting home hasn't been helping either. So tonight im going to start working out. That should burn off some of this pent up energy and get my heart rate up there for a bit. I'm also starting to get back into old hobbies I loved at one paint. I'm going to run to the our local thrift shop and pick up an eisle and try my hand at painting. Figured that should bring me joy and challenge me and Ive found a bunch of cheap or free furniture I can restore or refinish.

I know my diet will play alot to do with my energy level so Ive been working at cooking more healthy natural foods and getting a more balanced diet. I did also started drinking black tea again. I know caffeine is the most healthy thing in the world but hey if I'm going to pick up an old bad habit of rather it be just tea. Atleast with tea it calms my mind down some and keeps me focused.

I want to thank you for all the wisdom you've shared with me so far. It's been very helpful. Knowledge doesn't come for free. So when someone shares with me what theyve learn threw there journey I don't take it lightly. Your a good person. No matter what always remember that.

Hi @Weezley , welcome!
I'm sorry it is so hard right now.

I don't have words of wisdom, but just to say it won't always be like this. Things can and do get better. Finding a way to be kind to yourself, and allow yourself time to heal, helps.

I understand the worry about your partner and what she signed up to in a relationship. I worry about that with my partner too. But, life through a all sorts of curve balls and whilst she is supporting you at the moment, I'm sure there will be times where you have supported her or will support her through something challenging. Trust in the love you have for each other.
It won't always be like this.
Thanks. I know having gone threw what I have in my life im just use to having people leave me. That's a thing I need to work on. She's seen me worse then this and picked me back up. She's a strong lady. I know our love is stronger than ever. I just need to give my full trust in her to help me threw this. She's truelly earned it.
 
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