A month ago my therapist told me I hid my trauma well. At the time, this truly triggered me and I felt defensive. The deep feeling I had was I was being told I am a liar, a fake, a fraud or even invalidated (which is my childhood MO and it bothers me but also it is a feeling that alerts me to inner world so I do not often go against feelings of invalidation and may look even if my reality is the same as others at that point).
Anyhow, I tried to defend but then realized the futility of it and let it go. The feeling lingered though and never came back to therapy.
I do journaling so I write everything in my therapy and go back often to see areas of improvements or areas still under construction. I came across this and thought (second time around seeing my feelings) that hmmm what is wrong with hiding (as long as I know it) my trauma? I mean I am OK knowing my trauma and if I can hid it and not put it on my forehead even better. I am wondering now if this is cognitive distortion or just acknowledgment of growth to know it is OK if my trauma is not always on the foreground. But then the question is, this is therapy, should I come off as hiding my trauma? Maybe my therapist's feeling of calling this out was good.
I feel all are true but today I am also experiencing a lot of self-doubts and confusion so maybe I am soothing for feeling all are true to avoid being a liar! I also feel maybe I am justifying my feelings. Does anyone relate to? As I write this I feel and see I am looking for validation for my feelings and this recognition itself is good work in process but I see slipping back to my self-soothing and self-autonomy. ooh well. I smile now. thank you for reading and giving feedback both valid or invalid are welcome. Cheers.
Anyhow, I tried to defend but then realized the futility of it and let it go. The feeling lingered though and never came back to therapy.
I do journaling so I write everything in my therapy and go back often to see areas of improvements or areas still under construction. I came across this and thought (second time around seeing my feelings) that hmmm what is wrong with hiding (as long as I know it) my trauma? I mean I am OK knowing my trauma and if I can hid it and not put it on my forehead even better. I am wondering now if this is cognitive distortion or just acknowledgment of growth to know it is OK if my trauma is not always on the foreground. But then the question is, this is therapy, should I come off as hiding my trauma? Maybe my therapist's feeling of calling this out was good.
I feel all are true but today I am also experiencing a lot of self-doubts and confusion so maybe I am soothing for feeling all are true to avoid being a liar! I also feel maybe I am justifying my feelings. Does anyone relate to? As I write this I feel and see I am looking for validation for my feelings and this recognition itself is good work in process but I see slipping back to my self-soothing and self-autonomy. ooh well. I smile now. thank you for reading and giving feedback both valid or invalid are welcome. Cheers.