numb and overwhelmed

[PTSDisaster]

Whenever I think about what caused my PTSD (sexual abuse by my father until the age of 12), I don't feel anything.
2 weeks ago I had a nightmare, all my PTSD symptoms got worse, but I still feel numb about the trauma. I can talk about it, think about it without getting upset. But other things that have nothing to do with the trauma (my boyfriend, going shopping or whatever) are causing me soooo much anxiety. My therapists say that I'm getting triggered but I don't know what it has to do with my trauma.

Are there more people who can talk about their trauma without any feelings, but are overwhelmed with feelings apart of the trauma?

 

[Movingforward10]

Yeah, I think that can be quite common.
For me, I've gone through various stages of being totally emotionally removed when talking about trauma, to then not being able to get the words out or use certain words to describe it.
Had no feelings about it for years.
But.....it does come out in other ways.
Triggers and stress in things unrelated. Or related very loosely.

Because there is feeling attached to the trauma. Of course there is, given what happened. It's trying to price it all together and process it in a way that helps.
Finding that middle ground , or 'window of toletance' as therapists call it.

I suppose it's trying to figure out the connections with the things triggering you and the trauma? Good that you have your T and can explore it safely with them.

But: yep, you're not alone in this.
It's confusing stuff! But you're not alone.

 

[Recovery4Me]

I find you incredibly courageous in opening up in your post concerning your trauma. I will not get into my story but simply offer- me too. Parental betrayal on this level will cloud romantic relationships, life until the journey work is done. The scar might always remain but we can move forward despite our fathers and/or our past.

One of the easiest ways I can explain why my triggers manifested into seemingly unrelated areas is in this manner- out-skirting radiating pain was symptomatic and was easier/safer for my mind to process. I stayed comfortably numb for quite some time into therapy until my mind was ready to integrate the mental as well as body memories/trauma as the body also remembers. It was a form of my inner self attempting to protect from further mental anguish.

So there is no fault finding nor failure if you trigger into a subconscious creative manner. It is a part of yourself trying to connect the dots, slowly over the many, many themes that happen during this form of sexual trauma. Honestly, as you continue therapy, unraveling the wall- here and there learning to trust yourself more, feeling more, you may come to understand and perhaps be immensely proud of yourself for being a survivor. Blessings offered along your healing journey and take care.

 

[David1959]

Whenever I think about what caused my PTSD (sexual abuse by my father until the age of 12), I don't feel anything.
2 weeks ago I had a nightmare, all my PTSD symptoms got worse, but I still feel numb about the trauma. I can talk about it, think about it without getting upset. But other things that have nothing to do with the trauma (my boyfriend, going shopping or whatever) are causing me soooo much anxiety. My therapists say that I'm getting triggered but I don't know what it has to do with my trauma.

Are there more people who can talk about their trauma without any feelings, but are overwhelmed with feelings apart of the trauma?

Interesting, for me absolutely not. Thinking or talking about my trauma's breaks me down every-time. Still trying to deal with my initial trauma of CSA at 10-12 by an outsider but the additional traumas from my family from 12-19 actually caused more negative consequences in my life, hard to talk about even harder to overcome?

 

[PTSDisaster]

Thank you all for taking the time to reply!! Really helped me a lot as I don't feel alone in this anymore:)))

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[Defaultxlove]

Totally me. I feel like a freak sometimes. It's how our bodies are designed to protect us I believe anyway. Journaling helps me connect with myself a lot.

 

[reallydown]

Just wanted to chime in. This kind of thing happens to me too...still. I have trouble talking about it...and if I do, I still use vague language like "the stuff that happened" instead of calling it by name. For a long time, I wasn't able to cry. I still hardly ever do. But there are times when I am so overwhelmed, I avoid anything having to do with the trauma and other times I am so numb that I deliberately expose myself to it in an effort to feel something ...and I end up thinking about it in a very detached way. Anyway, wishing you look on this journey.

 

[Survivor3]

Yes, very much so. I can very clearly talk about my trauma without getting upset and remaining very emotionally detached from it. But I get very stressed to the point of full blown panic attacks about simple day to day tasks or appointments. To me, what you are describing are classic symptoms of PTSD and how it affects our day to day life.