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Discussion in 'Dysregulation' started by EveHarrington, Aug 15, 2017.

  1. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    With all that's going on in my life my system has just decided to shut down. I'm going numb. It scares me because I fear what is going to happen when I get my feelings back. I fear feeling the full effect of the damage I've caused and making another attempt. I am hurting but worst of all I am hurting those around me. I hate this disorder. I'm half way convinced that I'm paying for the sins of past lives because this is just beyond cruel, having to live a life of isolation. I wish the last attempt had stuck. This is no way to live.
    Rain, JadesJewel and Fadeaway like this.
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  3. Fadeaway

    Fadeaway I'm a VIP Donated

    I get that feeling, but seeing someone else say it, it seems like a form of victim blaming. None of us deserved what has happened to us. The universe just doesn't have a sense of fairness.:hug: you don't deserve this.
  4. stp2012

    stp2012 Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member

    That's probably exactly what's happened. Too much going on all at once. Sort of like a mind overload... system crash.

    I always assume it's the minds way of protecting you from too much.

    I think I'm experiencing the same thing right now. Too overwhelmed by too many things all crashing down at the same time.

    Kind of scary but for me... a huge relief and hope it lasts for a while. I'm definitely not doing anything to thaw out.
  5. lostforgottensoul

    lostforgottensoul I'm a VIP Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I go numb all the time and, for me, this is exactly what it is. If I force the issue or am forced by uncontrolable forces, my body crashes and there is no stopping it. Rather annoying when you need to function in life, just a little.

    I just stop. I don't force anything or try to do anything, I just stop and feelings come back slowly or like when my mom died I was all crazy, numb, all crazy, numb etc. It was nuts but I got through slowly and you will too @EveHarrington! I'm sorry you're struggling! PTSD is not something I'd wish on my worst enemy! :hug:s. Rooting in your corner!
  6. JadesJewel

    JadesJewel Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Donated

    I appreciate and respect your naked honesty...since I've known you here @EveHarrington you've always laid it all out here on the line. I wish you'd share more with what you feel you've done to beat the holy hell out of yourself. Because even if you'd caused the world to come to an end (which is NOT the case here), I'd still strongly believe and know there is so much razor-sharp perception and innate purity and soul-integrity inside of you. I gain nothing by saying this except to let you know that I am beyond grateful for your natural ability to express here what I seem to be unable to express about myself at times. Thank you.
    OneBloodyMoment likes this.
  7. WishfulThinking123

    WishfulThinking123 Well-Known Member

    Eve I'm so sorry you feel this way, truly! Although, I can understand being numb sucks! For me, it always occurs when emotions get overloaded, I just swing from one extreme to the other. A good thing that helps me is just reminding myself that my feelings always come back even if it doesn't feel like they will. Continuing to journal speeds this process up faster. Journaling is extremely grounding, without it I think I would continue to stay numb actually.
  8. OneBloodyMoment

    OneBloodyMoment New Member

    I'm with you, with one exception... my abuser. I have a lifetime of CPTSD after 4 years living daily in terror of physical and psycological abuse; I can't say as it would bother me one bit to know he was being crippled with PTSD of his own.

    I've been going thru a totally numb period as well. Months of it. The only feeling that breaks thru is sadness. Not intense sadness, just low level, almost sappy sadness (seriously, the Amazon Prime ad with the dog and the baby is one of the few things that ellicit emotion from me). That, and a horrible sinking feeling when I can see what it's doing to other people I care about. The ones around me (who live here) get my numbness and others I isolate from for weeks at a time.

    @EveHarrington I hope things have gotten somewhat better since you posted this last month. At least to the point that you don't still wish your last attempt had stuck. :hug:
    lostforgottensoul likes this.
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