Nunmens in your own life

Hey y'all:
I've been thinking a lot in the past few days about life and everything and how since my auntie died last year a lot of things have been triggered to me. I genuinely don't know what's happening, I've been lying to people I care and love without wanting to hurt them and without actually even realizing sometimes, like you are not ever aware of what's happening.
Coming back to my early childhood and school years, I was bullied from an early age, I have a lot of issues regarding my sexuality, my relationships and friends and everything. Lately, after feeling abused (which right now I even question myself about what really happened)

I feel like I've could have a lot of things going on down there, i mean out of 11 years of school I remember being bullied most of them, I've been lately remembering a lot of anger issues I had growing up and I've been remembering that my childhood might not have been as good as I remember it and actually it could have been pretty shitty. Somehow I've manage to be sort of functional for 22 years, but know I genuinely feel so scared of everything right now. I don't remember any sort of abuse while being very young or at least not sexual. But I'm not even sure of that anymore.

I am going through therapy but I do feel like crap, like a really awful human and that sucks. I never really wanted to hurt anyone, but I feel like I have created a parallel reality in order to cope with my own reality and my brain now just doesn't know how to get out of there, and that sucks. It really does.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi, it can be quite common to be functioning for a long time even though your unwell and suffer from ptsd. Unfortunately it always catches up with us and kicks out arse. What types of things are you lying about? I was also bullied and so know what it's like. It's terrible and I felt suicidal. Bullies are complete trash. Hope you feel better soon. 😊
 
Common things just to fit in, like guys I've kissed, people I've seen, things I've done or experienced, like saying things and then not remembering them.

Trying to (according to those whom I've hurt) seek attention.

What happened is that things got out of hand sort of and those whom I've hurt out of their anger said quite awful stuff to me, and with complete lack of trust you can't listen

to anyone and they didn't listened to what I had to say and basically replied that I was lying and I needed to stop (even though I was not)

But that just triggered everything and made me thing if there's something wrong with me and I don't know what I've f*ck*d up and it feels like crap, cus I genuinely only wanted to feel good and safe and everything. It does sucks a lot and I have my appointment on Monday with my t. But like I really f*cked up and I know they will hate for a while, but I don't want this to happen ever again.

I never went to therapy bc of my bullying and stuff that happened growing up, so I've been chewing around the idea that this is just unhealed stuff resurfacing, bc yeah after I was bullied like I only thought like I was fine and that would never happen again, and being so terrified of that happening, well it ended up happening after all... And that genuinely sucks
Hi, it can be quite common to be functioning for a long time even though your unwell and suffer from ptsd. Unfortunately it always catches up with us and kicks out arse. What types of things are you lying about? I was also bullied and so know what it's like. It's terrible and I felt suicidal. Bullies are complete trash. Hope you feel better soon. 😊
 

joeylittle

Administrator
But that just triggered everything and made me thing if there's something wrong with me and I don't know what I've f*ck*d up and it feels like crap, cus I genuinely only wanted to feel good and safe and everything. It does sucks a lot and I have my appointment on Monday with my t. But like I really f*cked up and I know they will hate for a while, but I don't want this to happen ever again.
How was your appointment today?
 
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