Mariiiespinosa9919
New Here
Hey y'all:
I've been thinking a lot in the past few days about life and everything and how since my auntie died last year a lot of things have been triggered to me. I genuinely don't know what's happening, I've been lying to people I care and love without wanting to hurt them and without actually even realizing sometimes, like you are not ever aware of what's happening.
Coming back to my early childhood and school years, I was bullied from an early age, I have a lot of issues regarding my sexuality, my relationships and friends and everything. Lately, after feeling abused (which right now I even question myself about what really happened)
I feel like I've could have a lot of things going on down there, i mean out of 11 years of school I remember being bullied most of them, I've been lately remembering a lot of anger issues I had growing up and I've been remembering that my childhood might not have been as good as I remember it and actually it could have been pretty shitty. Somehow I've manage to be sort of functional for 22 years, but know I genuinely feel so scared of everything right now. I don't remember any sort of abuse while being very young or at least not sexual. But I'm not even sure of that anymore.
I am going through therapy but I do feel like crap, like a really awful human and that sucks. I never really wanted to hurt anyone, but I feel like I have created a parallel reality in order to cope with my own reality and my brain now just doesn't know how to get out of there, and that sucks. It really does.
I've been thinking a lot in the past few days about life and everything and how since my auntie died last year a lot of things have been triggered to me. I genuinely don't know what's happening, I've been lying to people I care and love without wanting to hurt them and without actually even realizing sometimes, like you are not ever aware of what's happening.
Coming back to my early childhood and school years, I was bullied from an early age, I have a lot of issues regarding my sexuality, my relationships and friends and everything. Lately, after feeling abused (which right now I even question myself about what really happened)
I feel like I've could have a lot of things going on down there, i mean out of 11 years of school I remember being bullied most of them, I've been lately remembering a lot of anger issues I had growing up and I've been remembering that my childhood might not have been as good as I remember it and actually it could have been pretty shitty. Somehow I've manage to be sort of functional for 22 years, but know I genuinely feel so scared of everything right now. I don't remember any sort of abuse while being very young or at least not sexual. But I'm not even sure of that anymore.
I am going through therapy but I do feel like crap, like a really awful human and that sucks. I never really wanted to hurt anyone, but I feel like I have created a parallel reality in order to cope with my own reality and my brain now just doesn't know how to get out of there, and that sucks. It really does.