oh man, here come the opiate dreams!

enough

MyPTSD Pro
So, I recently received a new knee, and have been prescribed opiate pain relief.
All of my life opiates have been a source of great upheaval and terrible nightmares. I admit, i get the jollies too, and if i didnt know better than to let it, opiates could be a drug of choice. No worries, not going to happen. Seen the end of those rides.
Like probably most if us here, i get by from day to day using learned tools and constantly monitoring my mental state, ever watchful for the slips and slides.
Opiates get me off balance, i might sway a little before I tumble but it’s for sure, once the horizon shifts i am headed for some wild rides.
The nightmares are so real and seem to come from a deep place where the sources are at once unknown and familiar, and terribly terribly brain smacking.
I am not sure when or for how long but i am getting a definite awareness that i am about to be punished for my sins.
Scared and at the same time, i know i can do this, i just wish i didn’t have to, one more time again.
Can you relate?
 

Sideways

Moderator
I can't relate to the addiction, but if it helps at all, I had a knee reconstruction earlier this year and I got myself down to just paracetamol within 7 days of surgery.

Not comfortably, but very doable. Opiates hit my system in a really nasty way, so short term physical pain was definitely worth the trade. There was a couple of days where my brain tried to persuade me I still needed the stronger stuff (and a couple of medical staff!), but I just wasn't prepared to keep taking them.

It's shit. Hope you have a swift recovery.
 

Friday

Moderator
Sorry… I’m one of those who love and adore opiate dreams, especially when paired with guaifenssen, as they’re the ultimate in lucid dreaming for me.

Although I DO very much get the fear of addiction… as I can and have made opiates in the past, if I ever get addicted? I’m totally f*cked. So I only get mine through very supervisory doctors. I do not care to “wake up” rip van winkle style, as a 70yo. My life lost to dreams. Even if the prepper locked in the basement of my mind palace keeps both opiated poppy seeds and pink slime mold from grapefruits (the most effective form of penicillin out there) on hand. I’ve worked in too many back of beyond medical clinics. I know how to make antibiotics and laudenum. I “simply” choose not to. And go through pain in the ass -but keeps me honest- channels, instead.

In the meantime? Your fear is manifesting. Stop that.

Try playing a song on repeat, and daydreaming, as you lay down to sleep.

Everything is temporary. This, recovering from acute and massive physical trauma, more temporary than most. Your body needs to heal. Let your mind take you to other places, whilst your body rises to its full potential. It’s a protective mechanism. Used in the very short term. Quit fighting it.

And, yo! Medic! I know you knoooooow the body heals faster when it’s not in pain, and that getting in front of the pain means using waaaaaaay less meds. So use those skills, and dose heavy to begin with, so far lighter doses later do the exact same job. Meaning you’ll use 1/3 to 9/10s LESS of this super addictive drug, if you don’t skimp. Get in front of the pain, and taper. 10mg 5mg 5mg 5mg = to 5mg 10mg 10mg 10mg.

Be smart.

You’ve got this.
 
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enough

MyPTSD Pro
hold the phone- not an addict or recreational user here. I have multiple traumatic injuries and emergency surgeries in my past, literally meters of suture scars if you count the ones opened up twice twice.
Once again I find myself in need of pain management, and based on past experience, at the threshold of the door that leads to the darkest places I got.
In a “normal” day i have tools to get me through. Any “normal” night I lose some of those tools when I sleep and have a pretty high risk of nightmares any time i sleep, but i can still keep it all in perspective and sleep and get rest.
Now i face nightmares and a loss of perspective, i will wake up screaming in terror, i will be convinced the dreams are real, i might hurt myself when fears overcome pain and there is a very real possibility of trying to run on a knee that hasn’t been taught how to walk yet.
Anyone got a thought to think or a book to read or a story to tell? All ears here, thanks
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
And, yo! Medic! I know you knoooooow the body heals faster when it’s not in pain, and that getting in front of the pain means using waaaaaaay less meds. So use those skills, and dose heavy to begin with, so far lighter doses later do the exact same job. Meaning you’ll use 1/3 to 9/10s LESS of this super addictive drug, if you don’t skimp. Get in front of the pain, and taper. 10mg 5mg 5mg 5mg = to 5mg 10mg 10mg 10mg.
Yup. 100% When you feel "stoned" its time to cut back is rule one. Because yeah been there done that. Got really bad the last time, less than a year before I was diagnosed. It went backwards - instead of dopey and tired - it was like drinking Red Bull. Fear and pain......PTSD used both to nearly get me.

Find something that tells you where you are and helps separate sleep and wakefulness quickly on waking. I used my media player and a tv comedy playing quietly. It separated sleep and dream form waking and reality quickly. When you know you are awake what went before was dream.

When I sleep, not much bothers me so I can deal with music or the TV on or whatever. I found controlling the content was a big help and something funny helped focus on that and not the dreams I just had. Plus if I couldn't sleep....
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
So far, just a dull awareness that death is in the room. If i bring it to a focus it is easy to say “wow. thats a strange and unsupportable conclusion” and dismiss it and get back to reality without the pall of impending doom hanging about. Unless you have had the experience of knowing you were going to die if someone didnt get you to a trauma center you cant know what that awareness of death is all about. If you have, you know what i am dealing with here. Just a shadow of it, just a whiff. The tool is a simple taking stock of reality but I am going to be short a tool in the middle of the night half asleep again soon. One more time around again.
OR, i will write about it, think about it rationally and be fine.
Would love to show you all the amazingly deep and vivid hues my surgical team managed to create in my muscular bruises, it is truly a work of art. Think deep purple sunset over a lavender hillside with freshly turned soils between the rows, ah, a magnificent panorama. One for the memories file in my camera app.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Would love to show you all the amazingly deep and vivid hues my surgical team managed to create in my muscular bruises, it is truly a work of art. Think deep purple sunset over a lavender hillside with freshly turned soils between the rows, ah, a magnificent panorama. One for the memories file in my camera app.
The surgeon who enucleated my right eye told me befor he did that I would look like someone took a hockey stick to me again.

He wasn't wrong...

pall of impending doom hanging about.
Pain is a stressor so no matter what your ptsd is working hard - that's the pall.


Been up and about today?
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
yeah, and took a shower, watched a funny movie and plan to be sleeping comfortably in clean clothes soon. Self care from here to there.
Hockey stick, again? Was that an assault or just a 2 minute minor?
Not to make light of an injury, I appreciate the reply @Freddyt.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
yeah, and took a shower, watched a funny movie and plan to be sleeping comfortably in clean clothes soon. Self care from here to there.
Hockey stick, again? Was that an assault or just a 2 minute minor?
Not to make light of an injury, I appreciate the reply @Freddyt.
It's a huge problem in hockey. Hate to say a troglodyte like Don Cherry was right but he was. All that protective equipment as juniors and no one can get hurt. No problem as a Jr. When that stuff comes off the bad behaviour hurts people. Strong deterrents needed.......

Good to hear you are up and about as much as possible. Take care of you today @enough!
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
my leg hurts like hell. tapering back on the meds was not the best idea, surgery plus 10 I thought it was time.
so, opiates greased the skids and the pain pulled the chocks and i woke up with a spasming quad that had me dancing a few feet off the matt.
Scrambled brain day.
 

Friday

Moderator
my leg hurts like hell. tapering back on the meds was not the best idea, surgery plus 10 I thought it was time.
so, opiates greased the skids and the pain pulled the chocks and i woke up with a spasming quad that had me dancing a few feet off the matt.
Scrambled brain day.
Yep. Gotta stay ahead of the wave to USE less.

10/5/5/5

Instead of

5/10/10/10
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
18 days post surgery and my team decided my refills would be 20 at a time from here on out but i am still doing 2 every 6 hours so unless i get my 20 filled today i am cold turkey for the upcoming long weekend and today the weather is for crap and my pharmacy just lost their local competition and because they are a major chain they responded by cutting their staff. After all, if there us no more competition, customer service no longer matters, right? Anyway, we spent almost 3 hours on hold, trying to get a confirmation that making the drive would be worth it.
And the nightmares are in full bloom, woke up screaming from dreaming i was watching a patient catch fire on my backboard, and I couldnt make my hands work to set my end down so i had to stand there while everyone else was running away. I evidently screamed “stop” twice before i woke up. i think i was yelling it at myself as in “enough”.
I think i am about ready to face pain instead of facing the deeper parts of my subconscious. Taper is the word today. Its a pain to get, its a horror to use. Enough.
 
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