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Oh those inner voices have started in again

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Bubba

MyPTSD Pro
I can't seem to stop them lately. I don't know if it's because my stressors have increased, but recently over the past two weeks, I've started having all of those negative thoughts again.

I hear my sister asking me why someone would want to be with someone who's been married 3 times and has mental health issues.

I hear my ex mother-in-law screaming at me that I am just a b$%%$ that does nothing but run away from situations.

I hear my parents telling me that what I am doing is wrong - I'm always wrong.

I hear my ex telling my daughter that I'm just out there "tramping across the country".

I hear the unspoken voices of my friends and just those around me wondering if I will ever get it right.

How do I make them stop? How do I gain back self-confidence and see my life with different lenses rather than the lenses of condemnation that everyone seems to want to put on for me? How do I know my self worth?
 
Do you answer/self talk when those thoughts go through your head? Ask yourself whether saying/thinking those things is rational, whether you do them or not, and have a discussion with yourself based on what is true and sensible. It may take time, but could be helpful.

I know how it is having negative thoughts pop up, though it likely is more difficult when you've been told those things by others. When it comes to whether you'll "get it right", try not to read minds, and tell yourself you will, even if it seems overwhelming right now.
 
Thank you Core! Yes, I do try to self talk. I know they aren't rational and I know that I'm a good person who has gone through emotional - and at a very young age, hence I learned coping mechanisms that have hindered me in my adult years. It's just so hard at times to undo those coping mechanism and to stop the voices. Just when I think I've got it right - I get knocked back a few feet. The guilt of having to put my daughter and my BF through these periods - can also be overwhelming - even when they try to tell me that I'm ok. I just told my BF on the phone that I feel like I'm crazy. He says I'm not - that I just have stress that I need to get through. He doesn't understand PTSD completely - although I think he's tried. It's definitely hard for someone who doesn't have it to know what it's like for us. We definitely do feel crazy at times.

I think I need to go back to my guided imagery and healing affirmations. I used to listen to these religiously every day - but it's been a few months. I thought I was getting healed - but apparently it's going to take longer than I thought.
 
Yup, you're not alone in feeling crazy. Healing affirmations sound smart, give yourself time - taking a few steps back sometimes is normal, you will keep going forwards. Are there circumstances that might contribute to your struggling, too much stress in your environment, taking on too much etc.? Of course you should participate in life the best you can, but perhaps you should cut yourself some slack on less important things for a while? Hugs and wishing you the best of luck.
 
Hi Core - yes, I am under a LOT of stress right now. I'm not being paid at work. I'm moving across the country to be with my guy (we're going to get married later this year). My daughter is coming with me - which is a good thing. But I have so much to do and no money with which to do it. And I'm the type of person that doesn't like to ask for help. To top it all off - one of my dogs ripped up the carpet in my apartment - so now I am worried about getting my deposit back ($1,000) - doesn't help with the $ situation. I've been continuing to work knowing that I'm leaving in only a couple of month - so what's the sense of trying to find a new job - but I don't have much motivation when I'm not getting paid. I will hopefully be caught up here soon as we're supposed to get a big government order in - BUT it's just waiting for that to happen. I have angry customers who have not received their order, because we have production issues, because we can't pay our vendors. All in all - a very stressful situation. And then I had a knee jerk reaction to a question from my BF that triggered a lie / coping mechanism from my previous marriage to a psychopath - I feel horrible for lying and he's upset. We're working through it - but still - it just makes me feel even worse about myself - and the voices don't help.

(Big sigh) - so yes - lots of stress - and I'm sure that's what's triggered these voices. I called in sick to work today and have just been lying in bed crying. Don't really feel like being around anyone - even my daughter.
 
Oh dear, that is a lot to deal with, and I absolutely see being overwhelmed by all of this triggering insecurity and therefore the thoughts. Maybe this is a situation that can force you to practice asking for help? This is a silly analogy, the mind isn't working too well right now, but if you had a burst appendix that needed removal, you wouldn't refuse a surgeons help. Or, if you were in said situation, you wouldn't refuse a loan from a friend to have the surgery.

Anyway, asking for help when we need it is not a bad, overly dependent or shameful thing, no human can do everything on their own. Also, is there any time of the day where you can take out some time, just be by yourself and do something you enjoy without thinking about all that needs to be dealt with? Pehaps write down all you worry about first, decide that you can think more about after whatever time you've decided to give yourself, and then put it away. It can be a very difficult thing to do, but sometimes we need to just relax, and afterwards we'll be stronger and more able to take on our problems.

I hope you find solutions to all you need to solve, and coping mechanisms to keep you floating. A day off may be what you needed. Again, (((Bubba))).
 
How do I make them stop? How do I gain back self-confidence and see my life with different lenses rather than the lenses of condemnation that everyone seems to want to put on for me? How do I know my self worth?

If you find answers to this, please let me know. ;)

When I first started with my latest therapist, who is a trauma specialist, I clapped my hands together and said, "OK, now I'm going to get the formula on how to make progress!" Nope. No formula, other than focus -- and time. Focus on the negative messages running through your head, and the feelings they generate, then think about where those messages might have come from. Focus on any feelings or sensations in your body -- tightness, pain, etc. -- and see if anything comes to mind then. Over time, as you continue doing this, negative feelings will start to dissipate.

As others have mentioned, self-talk can be very helpful as well, especially as a way of grounding. For me, it never had a lasting effect, by itself, but was extremely helpful for lowering anxiety during a given episode.

Eight months ago, I was exactly at the same point as you are now. I'd lived that way nearly my whole life. Now, things are improving. I'm finally losing my inner critic -- I never, ever thought that was possible. I guess it is. I have a long way to go, still, but given that I now see that progress is possible, I'm much more motivated to continue working on this.

So, not much of a "formula" to go by, unfortunately, which has caused me a lot of anger, myself. But, as you continue working on improving your ability to focus on these things, you tend to get quite good at it.
 
Thank you Pietro! You have given me some hope. I guess what I have learned is that even when things seem to be going well - I really need to continue focusing on treatment. I thought I had the hang of it - but apparently I don't. I've been given a lot of good suggestions and even some books to look into. I think it's time to continue my path to recovery and it looks like I may be on it for a long time. But that's ok. My experiences have made me strong - I know I can do it. And I am once again so thankful for this forum and everyone on it. You guys truly are my saving grace.
 
I went through a lot of therapy that turned-out to be too superficial -- meaning that, we never really delved into the true, underlying trauma that caused my depression, anxiety, etc. Lots of therapy is like that; it focuses on short-term fixes and assumes that most problems are from the present. And when things get really stressful, you end-up falling right back into the pit of despair.

Finally, I started therapy with a trauma specialist, and she has guided me on how to look at my issues at their root. In 8 months, I've achieved nearly as much with her as with 10 years of the "other type" of therapy. ;) So, I think how you go about therapy can make a lot of difference.

I'm glad you got some hope! It's the best weapon we have against the "malaise".
 
Thanks Pietro! After I move, I am going to search out a true trauma specialist. I've really been dissatisfied lately with my current T. It's like therapy isn't even therapy - just a recap of what's been going on in my life since my last session.

I want so badly to start fixing things in my life and things about myself. I need tools and help using them. It's very frustrating when your therapy doesn't seem to go anywhere. And like you said - you end up falling backward.
 
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