On Top of a Hard Week, My Boyfriend and I Broke Up.

[cyndi]

I'm so confused, walking in a fog of shock. The reasons are all mixed up and confused. We've been dating for 8 months now, were close friends for two years.

I just wanted to talk about where we were, he's been pulling away and I'm confused. He's felt he wasn't good enough for me and was holding his breath until I noticed. He wouldn't respond to the promises I made him because he knew he didn't have it in him to hold up any promises.

Arrrgh, and women get the reputation of being impossible to figure out? He backed me into a corner to end things with him. He decided that it was too much on me to be in a relationship and cornered me. I had a feeling, when I asked him this morning if he thought we had too much on our plates to be having a relationship, he said yes and that was that. He merely agreed with me, not what he really thought or wanted. WTF. Said he decided after hearing the awful abusive messages Aaron had left me, he decided to always let me have an exit if I wanted it. That's either the most romantic thing I've heard of or the the most infuriating or both. He's letting me go 'for my own good'. That's great, we're both a mess now, it worked fabulously.

I'm so confused. I also had more intensive therapy last night. ETT (based on EMDR) I haven't even begun to type out about that, kicking my butt although I can feel it working, changing me. I'm putting my new meditation skills to the test, definitely in the middle of a river without a raft or anything to grab onto right now. Breathe, breathe.

 

[void]

I am very sorry to hear of this, Cyndi! You deserve good things. May you find peace in the middle of the river(or a way to the shore)whichever is best for you.

Cyber hug to you
Void

 

[midi]

That's awful. Sorry to hear it.

 

[cragger65]

Geezuz Cyndi, that's shitty. Hold it together and give it some time is all I can think to say.

 

[Mina]

Oh, Cyndi, I'm so sorry to hear that. And how crummy of him to corner you like that...sort of cowardly, really.

Sending you hugs and lots of positive thoughts :Hug_emoticon:

Mina

 

[pandora]

I am so sorry Cyndi...maybe it just means that it is time to focus on you and you only..to learn more about yourself, self reflect and put all of your energy into yourself....What a terrible time to have someone run...I had this happen too and now focus on my son or I for the most part. Sometimes it is ok to be alone, I do not want this life forever but it may be what I need until I learn how to live with this disorder.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Cyndi, I am so sorry.

-Try to take care of yourself however difficult that feels right now and give it some time so that different angles might come to you (both).
-It is inevitable that thoughts and feelings change, no matter what, whether you want them to or not.

With love, :Hug_emoticon:

 

[ladybug08]

He's a coward. Sounds like he has issues, and using you as a scapegoat. You need someone who has their s##t together. You deserve better.

 

[Auburngirl]

that sounds awful. Sounds like now would be a good time to step back, get a lot of exercise, and focus on caring for yourself. Maybe come back to this in a week. I know this is way easier to say than it is to do.

Take care,pamper yourself, and if you can stay with a friend who can look after you for a day or two.

 

[cyndi]

Thank you so much everyone. I'm feeling a bit better. still confused as a ll get out as to what happened really, but it seems we will be able to retain our friendship and for that I am very thankful. I will never forget the wonderful times we shared, the beauty we had together, the connection, the passion and a pure love for one another. He treated me amazing during a time in my life I had just gone through so much hell and mistreatment, like night and day. I can't express how thankful I am for his kindness and patience with me while I fell apart daily. He reminded me where I'd left my wings, nudged me to fly again ever so gently just when I needed it. I love him so much, he is truly an angel in my life. I'm glad it ended before it could become tainted. Maybe we both needed something like that just for once in our lives. (tears flowing now, turning into sobs) He has shown me such kindness and giving. Whatever the future brings, I hope he is a friend for life. We have memories together few can even dream of.

Yes, now is the time to focus on me. I am doing some very intensive therapy that is unlocking all kinds of doors very quickly but gently. I am pretty disoriented right now but it is deal-able. I decided I'm going on a road trip in about a week. I'll take my laptop so you guys can come with me. I won't say where for my safety, (protective order on the ex, just being careful) but let's just say I'm heading West as they do in the movies to "find myself" lol. Picture me sitting at a cafe out of town with my journal and a cup of coffee, enjoying the sights, sounds, people watching... I think it's exactly what I need to remind myself how empowered I am after the hell I went through last year that sent me spiraling to rock bottom. I can do it. I got scared at first, but remembered I went to Europe twice by myself, I can do this. (maybe then I'll believe I can face a social outing at home) My neurosis make me shake my head sometimes. I finally got a full night's sleep for the first time in a week last night. It took sleeping on the sofa because my bed was just reminding me of the endless hours I'd lain there miserable and exhausted the week before not sleeping. I think I'll go with that again tonight. Sofa sleeping's a fair trade if it means a full night's rest.

 

[FlameTachiku]

Cyndi,

Your coming my way! We may be across from each other sipping that oh so wonderful coffee. Welcome and I hope you find your peace and inspiration. Bless your journey.

Flame

 

[Esther]

enjoy your trip, it sounds like a great idea. I'm inspired for a road trip of my own...