One reason you keep going?

I have a lot of external reasons to live, but it is the internal "hope for a better tomorrow" that keeps me going even on my worst days. Last month I was in ICU and sick enough there was a real question whether or not I would make it. The there was the how was I going to make it, paralyzed, using adult diapers, in pain off the charts? It messed with my PTSD pretty bad, but I also took it day by day and as I improved, I could find my hope again. Hang in there and turn off the news! If it gets worse, please get help as suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It will get better.
Less than 3 months ago I was as close as I’ve ever been. I’m doing really well rn. I squirrel these moments up and take them out to look at them when I’m in the depths of despair. Depressed brain is a liar and will make you think you’ve been this depressed your whole life. I try to remember that and remember that in every other depressive episode I’ve had it has passed. This time is no different even though it feels like it is some how. It always feels like this is the one I’m not getting out of this is the one that will never lift.

I’m doing so well right now I feel overwhelmed with gratitude. If you’re looking for a reason not to kill yourself today. Here it is! Please keep trying.